|
|
|
If she says, "No," or says you didn’t fully and, to her satisfaction, get the gist of what she said, she tells you the same thing again. Then, patiently, again try to accurately say what she said. She won’t go on to say anything else and she’ll repeat the same thing she said and let you say it in your own words until she’s satisfied you understand. If you just can’t get it to her satisfaction with your words, simply repeat what she said word for word till she says, "Correct." If she says, "Right" , nods her head "yes" or otherwise indicates you repeated her correctly, ask if she has more to say on the subject she’s relating. When, after you mirror what she said and ask if you got it right, she finally says, "Correct," wait to hear if she has more to say about whatever she’s discussing. If, after a few breaths of waiting to hear if she has something to add to what you successfully mirrored, she’s said nothing, encourage her to say more. Prompt her to talk more, if she wishes, with the question, "Is there more?" Continue to mirror her--checking if you heard her right and asking if there’s more she’d like to say--until she finally says that’s all she wants to say about the subject she’s been talking about. Then you’ve successfully completed the first phase of active listening, mirroring, and are ready to go to the second phase, validation. Validation: When your partner says she’s finished what she has to say, summarize her logic, outlining the main points she made. Complete this sentence to her, "You make sense because..." with a review how, from her way of looking at the subject she discussed, she makes sense. Ask her if you got her logic and main points right. If she thinks you missed something important, she ‘ll ask you to mirror that. When she agrees that you’ve understood her logic, proceed to the next phase of actively listening, ,the empathy phase. Empathy: Put yourself emotionally in your partner’s place. Imagine you think as she does about whatever she had you mirror and validate. Experiencing whatever she spoke of, to what degree are you, in her place, mad, sad, glad or scared? Based on this emotional identification with her, complete this:"I imagine you feel..." (guess how she feels, what emotions she probably has. Then ask her, :"Is that what you felt?" And "What else did you feel?" Next, it’s your turn to be heard. Your partner mirrors, validates and empathizes with you. LISTEN WITH LOVE* First do the exercise, Listen
With Love with a partner, then read the explanation for how
Listen With Love works. The exercise teaches you to mirror,
validate and empathize as you learn how to please, support,
respect and convey love to each other. You learn how to make
sure you understand each other, give and get deep, satisfying
attention.
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
Where you see asterisks (* * *), it's the responder’s cue to respond: give her/him a few breaths to do so. Keep your face and body neutral while you listen; don’t roll your eyes, gesture or respond--these inhibit the responder.. |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
HOW CAN I/A LOVER [choose one] PLEASE YOU DEEPLY? *** [When responder has said a few sentences--few enough so you can remember--say the next sentence] Wait. I hear you saying ... ###. [Finish the sentence in your own words, Reader, summarize (paraphrase) what responder’s said.] Is that correct? *** [If your partner gives you corrections, paraphrase her and ask if you've got the corrections right until she says, " you've got it right".] Would you say more on this subject? *** [Continue paraphrasing and asking if there's more till responder finishes on this subject. When responder says, "that's all", complete the next two sentences.] You make sense because ### [Validate responder. Pretend you're s/he, seeing things from her/his perspective, say how s/he makes sense.] I imagine you feel ... ###. Is that what you’re feeling? *** WHAT CAN I/A LOVER DO THAT TURNS YOU ON? *** You’re saying ... Is that correct? *** [If responder gives you corrections, paraphrase them and ask if you've got the corrections right until responder says, " you've got it right".] Would you say more on this subject? *** You make sense because ### You probably feel ... ###. Is that what you’re feeling? *** HOW CAN I/A LOVER [choose] SUPPORT YOU? *** Wait. You’re saying ... ###. Correct? *** More to say more on this subject? *** You make sense because ###. I’m guessing you feel ... ###. Is that right? *** Say what you do feel.*** TELL ME HOW I/A LOVER CAN MAKE YOU FEEL RESPECTED. *** You’re saying ...###. Is that right? *** Would you say more on this subject? *** You make sense because ###. I imagine you feel ... ###. What do you feel? *** WHAT CAN I/A LOVER DO TO MAKE YOU FEEL LOVED? *** You’re saying ...###.
Right? *** Say
more. *** You make sense because ###. I
guess you feel ... ###.
What, indeed, are you feeling? *** Click here for intellectual basis of the active listening exercise above. |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
See: CERTIFIED TANTRA ASSISTANT PROGRAM TANTRA SCHOOL BEGINS JANUARY 25, 2001 - School is held monthly for 10 days thru 2002 |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
