CTA 20: ACTIVE LISTENING
 ACTIVE LISTENING: FEEL LOVED, 
LOVE YOURSELF & GROW
Lesson One: Active Listening: Part 1 - (page 2 of 3) 

    Carl Rogers taught that in the natural course of feeling loved and accepted, you automatically think of yourself as worthwhile. You have a good self- image that gives you the confidence you need to grow emotionally. You know that sometimes other people don’t like what you do and that sometimes you change what you do because of them; yet you feel basically ok; you have the self-confidence to be spontaneous.

If, on the other hand, you feel unloved or loved and accepted only when you act certain ways, you develop a bad self-image. If you have that, you approach new situations split between the spontaneous creativity you need and your internal worry about whether your behavior will be approved by others.

Rogers labels as "unconditional acceptance" the feeling of being loved, even if your actions are disapproved. He labels as "conditional acceptance" the attitude that you must behave in an approved way to be regarded as okay.

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Question

1. Identify the following parental utterances as unconditional acceptance or as conditional acceptance:

a. "You bad boy! You cooked the kitty, you demon!"
b. "I'm furious with you. I hate what you did. Don't you ever treat animals like that!"

2. Rogers says that a child socialized with variants of "you're bad unless You behave right" (select correct alternative(s))

a. develops high positive self-regard;
b. receives unconditional acceptance;
c. develops a bad self-image;
d. develops a good self-image and feels intrinsically worthwhile;
e. is likely to enter a new situation in a spontaneous way;
f. is likely to enter a new situation conflicted between her impulses and her concern about how people would react to her if she were freely expressive;
g. lacks the confidence to grow.

HELPING RELATIONSHIPS

    Fortunately, even if you received only conditional acceptance, bad self- images and conflicts between how you think you should be and how you are, there is still hope. You can begin to develop a positive self-image when you feel accepted and loved. Give love and acceptance through a helping relationship. In such a relationship, you share, in addition to acceptance and care, honesty as to your emotions. Give, also, empathetic understanding. By empathetic understanding, you let a person know you can relate to the way she or he sees, hears and feels things.

I chart Rogers' theoretical framework as follows:

GROWTH

 When you grow, as the result of feeling love and acceptance from parents, society or a helping relationship, you

... understand yourself more.
... accept parts of yourself you denied before.
... get along better with, accept, and understand people more.
... think, feel and act in a consistent, congruent and integrated way
...become more like you like to be--your ideal self and your real self merge.
...do what you please and are confident.
... become more individualistic, unique, and expressive.
... stop depending too much on the guidance of others.

Rogers contends that when he is honest with you, you become more honest with him and with yourself. When he accepts you, you accept yourself. Where he communicates empathetically, listens to and gives feedback to you., you start listening to yourself. You clarify your own directions and become confident.

3. The elements of a helping relationship, according to Rogers, are (select one)

a. free association, abreactive catharsis, insight;
b. analysis, confrontation, integration;
c. interpretation, advice, clear objectives;
d. inventory, response hierarchy, reinforcement;
e. candor, expression, reflection of content and feeling;
f. lithium carbonate, reserpine, amitriptyline.

CTA 20 -29  RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING

ACTIVE LISTENING PAGE 1 PAGE 2 PAGE 3
IMAGO MANAGEMENT PAGE 1 PAGE 2 PAGE 3 PAGE 4
UPLIFTING COMMUNICATIONS PAGE 1 PAGE 2 PAGE 3
CHOREOGRAPH & BONDING PAGE 1 PAGE 2 PAGE 3 PAGE 4 PAGE 5
RELATIONSHIP FITNESS TRAINING PAGE 1 PAGE 2 PAGE 3 PAGE 4
CONSCIOUS LOVEMAKING PAGE 1 PAGE 2 PAGE 3 PAGE 4 PAGE 5 PAGE 6
TANTRA SCHOOL BEGINS JANUARY 25, 2001 - School is held monthly for 10 days thru 2002

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