Sex. Spiritual sex. Divine love. Sting's five-hour marathon. Kundalini energy and the positions of The Kama Sutra . Multiple full-body orgasms that last for days. Intense waves of bliss. PC muscle workouts. Tantric G-Spot orgasms and female ejaculation.

I was invited to watch. But it's not what you think. I know, because I spent the weekend before Valentine's Day on a quest to understand the tantric secrets.

Janet Kira and Dr. Sasha Lessin live and practice tantra in Wailuku. They are an earthy couple in their early 50s, bright-eyed and beaming. They are what you would expect Caucasian mainlanders who moved here many years ago would look like. He is tall and slender, with longish, wavy, salt and pepper hair, bright blue eyes and loose clothing. She is a petite woman with pale skin, long blonde hair and almost feline features.

The Lessins introduce me to Jack and Jill (not their real names), the couple I will observe in a “private session.” We are led into a small room with a large Persian rug, a couple of folded futons and several large cushions on the floor.

In the room are three walls of bookcases overflowing with several texts on Polyamory, a Hypnotherapy Encyclopedia, The New Male by Herb Goldberg, Influences on Human Development , Erotic Art of the Masters , some fiction by Dan Simmons and Tom Robbins, Plants and Flowers of Hawaii and seemingly all of Michael Moore's books, including Stupid White Men . A plethora of framed certificates with Dr. Lessin's name fill in the wall space between cases.

Dr. Lessin says that tantra is not just about sexual love, but having total concern for the whole person. He says the Sanskrit word “tantra” means “to weave,” as in each energy level in the body, or chakras. He hands out a sheet on chakras. He explains the belly chakra is the power chakra, which empowers us to choose “to lead or follow.” The heart chakra represents give and take, the ability to “assess reciprocity.” The throat chakra, he says, enables us “to speak authentically or to keep silence when it's more intelligent to do so.” He says the clown chakra is the most powerful, but it isn't listed on the handout.

“What?” exclaims Jill. “What's the Clown Chakra?”
“Being able to see the humor of life,” says the good doctor.

Everyone laughs. Then he goes through the chakra chants.

“Lahmmmm…” is for the perineum chakra.
“Vahmmm…” is the genitals.
“Rahmmm…” is the belly, or power chakra. And so on.

Then Dr. Lessin sits with his wife in the “Yab Yum” position. He sits, cross-legged, while she sits facing him, with her legs wrapped around his lower back. They each have one hand on the other's heart, the other hand on each other's lower back. Together, they chant or “combine in sound.”
“Lahmmm, vahmmm, rahmmm, yahmmm…”
“In tantra,” says Dr. Lessin, “we make a lot of eye contact.”

They synchronize their breathing, in through the nose, out through the mouth, breathing in shallow rhythm. Then they work towards syncopating their breathing; as she inhales, he exhales and vice versa.

“When you breathe out,” he says, “you are saying ‘I love you, take in my love.' When you breathe in—‘you love me, you're taking my love in.' Your breath is symbolic.

“Just feel the energy,” says Dr. Lessin. “Lahmmm, vahmmm, rahmmm, yahmmm, hammm, ohhmmmmmm…. Belly hold, pelvis hold, send energy up.”

Jack and Jill try it out.

Then Dr. Lessin demonstrates with his wife a particular posture to use when you are not getting along as a couple. It looks suspiciously like spooning.

“Even if you're mad,” he says, “your bodies remember that you're lovers.”

In the course of my tantra research, I amassed quite a stack of information. There were two CDs, a DVD, a videotape, three books, two pamphlets that looked like manifestos, innumerable press clips, postcards and even a magic ball that lights up when you “connect with your beloved.”

I feel overwhelmed by all this information. I simultaneously want to find a Shakti for my Shiva and practice the Congress of the Cow, as well as shun any and all sexual relations for a while. I am fascinated and repulsed by all this talk of intimacy and sexual healing, spirituality and divine love.

During my research, I asked virtually everyone I know about what they knew about tantra. “I thought that was for swingers,” one friend told me. “Isn't Sting into that?” said another.

And they were all young people.
I am intrigued and skeptical about the connection between mind, body and spirit and how that unification joins with all beings. I want to open up, focus on being in the here and now, being present.

But that's way too much New Age phooey for my yoni to handle right now. So back to Dr. Lessin.

Still with Jack and Jill, Lessin describes the first phase of tantra, which focuses on the worship of the woman. He says the “yoni”—Sanskrit for vagina—massage is not to be used as an isolated sexual experience, but as an opportunity for the relationship. It's a time for the woman to feel all her emotions and achieve vulnerability, to be listened to and understood.

He talks of the “Imago Process,” where the man is instructed to say to the woman, “Tell me all the things that hurt you and tell me what I can do to heal those hurts.”

Dr. Lessin reiterates that this first part—Adoring Aphrodite—establishes processes in the Imago Session to ensure a positive relationship. The second part focuses on sexual healing and expression. Jack and Jill need to set a tantric date, “just receiving” and expressing feelings. Jack will give Jill a bath and “special massage.”

Dr. L gives a handout on female genital anatomy, telling the couple what they must ritualize and make sacred. “Just brush past the nipples, the labia,” says Dr. L. “Ask to touch. You can't say yes all the time or it won't mean anything! Say, ‘not yet.' Touch with your left hand the base chakra and make a blessing.”

The doctor displays a large, stuffed model of a vagina. It is purple velvet with shiny gold lips, and red inside. He tells Jack to use lots of saliva on Jill's yoni. Then he demonstrates oral and fingered stimulation on the purple stuffed model. “We like to use poetic metaphors,” says Dr. L. “Say, ‘Sweetheart, I'd like to polish your pearl.'”

He refers to the anatomy handout. “[Jack] is going to make a systematic exploration of every millimeter of your vagina or yoni, feeling all the muscles, tissues, deep,” says Lessin. “Free-associate anything that comes to mind as he's doing this. Just let it out—whether it's inappropriate sexual memories or a movie you saw or what's going on in Iraq.”

He hands the couple a sheet on Fathom Female features. Dr. L explains the scientific process of amrita—female ejaculation or “nectar of the gods,” as tantrikas refer to it—and the intense vaginal orgasm. He tells Jill she does not have to have intercourse if she doesn't want to. He tells Jack to keep his fingers loose—“they're a lot harder than the tongue or penis.” He tells him each finger has a different consciousness. Sometimes the most sensitive finger is the little one. “It may not happen,” says Dr. L about female ejaculation. “It doesn't get an ‘F' if you don't squirt!”

“It's not just “get it up, get it in, get it off” anymore,” says Charles Muir, a cheerful man in his early 60s.

I met with Charles Muir, long considered one of the pioneers of Western tantric practices since the early 1980s, at his home in Makawao. He has been a yoga teacher and student since 1966 with Richard Hittleman, and was even awarded certificates in New York for positive community contribution because of the yoga he taught.

Muir became interested in tantra in the late 1970s. Hittleman talked with Muir about White Tantra, which are solo practices connecting breathing, concentration and energy and Red Tantra, which included partners. In 1979, Muir decided to pursue tantric teaching. He gave his yoga studios to two students and came to Maui, where there weren't any yoga—or tantric—schools formed yet. It's hard to imagine now.

Muir says he has been blessed with much inspiration and “teachings” from the women in his life. When he was still a novice to the idea, one woman approached him and offered tantric guidance. He gave his standard reply from years of teaching yoga: “I don't sleep with my students.”

“I'm not your student,” the woman replied. “I'm your teacher. I'm not talking about sleeping, I'm talking about an awakening.”

He tells me that these days, it's no longer a battle of the sexes. It's about how to be a better lover on all levels. Naturally, when you want to be a better tennis player or golfer, you go to a pro and get lessons. It's the same premise here. “There's a difference between sex and love, and sex and tantra,” says Muir. “Sex is biological, tantra is an art form.”

Co-author of the book Tantra: The Art of Conscious Loving , Muir says, “It's about being nurtured, satisfied, valued, loved.”

Since 1980, Muir has taught over 10,000 people and certified 37 instructors in advance training at his school's popular annual seminar. He tells me about 75 percent of his students come from the mainland. He admits it's quite a commitment, with fees and airfare amounting to about $5,000 for the week.

One of his disciples, a local cardiologist, attended the training with his wife, who was terrified at first. Since then, they've been to seven seminars over the past few years. Muir says the physician uses the training in consulting heart patients after surgery.

Students attending the workshop spend five hours a day in the classroom. Then they are given homework to do in the privacy of their room. The Muirs have devised something like 35 “sexercises” for energy, intimacy and touching.

He gives instruction in sacred spot massage, which he originated. He believes that this spot, often called the G-Spot, goes right into a person's psyche. He says that we store memories and emotions in our chakras and that it is up to men to be the “master of helping her dump without being dumped upon.”

Men don't understand feelings, he says. Women have all kinds of feelings and memories related to sex, from their first menstruation to the sex they had in a bad marriage. He says tantra is a way to make love a celebration.
“We want to become masters at the art of loving.”

Tantra teaches to love her, “not fuck her.” It is energetically-based. You have to practice love. He tells students to be open-minded. He realizes the first exercise is scary.

In a room, couples are told to separate from their partner and choose a stranger. Then they are told to stroke that person's arm, but not in a sexual manner. Their comfort and trust levels are tested. People who have been married 25 years may not feel the need for much effort but with strangers, they try to get it right.

“The penis and vagina are important,” says Muir, “but there's a whole person there. It is such an important subject that we haven't been trained on.”

My tantric journey was really taking me places. Literally.

Following directions that will take me deep into the heart of Huelo, past highway markers that start and end a couple of times, down a road with no street sign that is merely marked by the sudden appearance of many mailboxes and a pay phone, well past paved roads and any logical construct of neighborhoods, over small bridges with no railings, down dirt paths that fork and veer off into each other, past an old Hawaiian church and signs that say “Please, Slow, Children” and “Bamboo Farm,” I am instructed to heed this warning:

We need your support to drive slowly when you enter the dirt road. Our neighbors are sensitive to the speed and we do have children playing. Please start your meditation with five miles per hour when you enter the gate of old Hawaii.

Kutira and Raphael greet me in front of their palatial, self-sustaining sanctuary. They are the last people I'm to see for my tantric research. There is a peaceful grace about the couple. They move fluidly and welcome me in, leading me upstairs to a large, sun-filled room overlooking the lush cliffs and ocean views of Maui's north shore. We sit on backed-cushions and talk about what tantra means to them.

They are quick to point out that while some teachings of tantra focus on sex, that is really only one piece of the pie.

“Tantra is not just a practice or a skill you use in your bedroom,” says Kutira. “It is how you live your life.”

They tell me that there are many interpretations of the ancient texts of tantra that originated in India in 3,000 B.C. Obviously, tantra is a very personal and intimate process and it's important to find the right teacher. They talk more of the interconnectedness of all things, rather than prolonged orgasm or pubococcygeal (PC) muscle control.

“Tantra brings profound joy, peace, harmony and the sense of love,” says Kutira, “which only comes from being connected and centered in the heart.”

She also tells me that tantra infuses more consciousness, energy, intimacy and love into sex, transforming it into an extended meditation that “affects us on every level of our being.”

They also tell me that most of their students are doctors, lawyers and other upper-class professionals. But then they say they want more working class students and young people.

“Those are the people who need it the most,” says Kutira.
 

Tantric schools on Maui:
School of Tantra, (808) 244-4103 or (877) 244-4103, www.schooloftantra.com.

Club Tantra meets Saturdays at 7 p.m. The Kahua Hawaiian Institute, LLC, (808) 572-6006 or (877) KAHUA 50 www.oceanictantra.com. Next retreat is Feb. 12-20.

Talking Hearts Tantra, (808) 572-1250, www.talkinghearts.com. Ceremony for Singles on Feb. 19.

Source School of Tantra, (888) 6 TANTRA, www.sourcetantra.com. Next seminar is Feb. 12-18. MTW