School of Tantra Synergy
Newsletter October 2002,
Published by Janet Kira Lessin, C.T.I. and Sasha (Alex) Lessin, Ph.D.
808 244-4103 email firstname.lastname@example.org
Adjusting to a new roommate can be challenging. Each person has different natural rhythms and ways of doing things. There may be different standards of cleanliness not to mention different tastes in music and when and if it should be played. Some like to watch television while others prefer the sounds of nature. And so on.
Adjusting to a new lover requires a lot of patience as well. While sometimes the connection can be instantaneous and magical--lovers fit like a glove on all levels, physically, emotionally and spiritually, oft times that’s not the case. There’s different body sizes, parts don’t quite line up and fit into other parts, they make love different than you, they kiss "wrong", etc. Sometimes other things get in the way like boundaries, limitations, preferences, expectations, morality, standards and sexual histories. Everything can eventually work, a delicate balancing act is required so everything doesn’t unravel.
Combine adjusting to a new housemate who is also a lover, then you’ve got a real challenge! Make that two new lovers and life really gets interesting. Add their twelve-year old daughter to the mix and you’ve got a real stew. Now you’ve got the picture of what we’re attempting to do with our new poly family.
Speaking of adjusting, I have something to confess that came as quite a surprise to me. The four of us–Juan, Cindy, Sasha and I did not consummate our relationship before we decided to move in together. All of us were primarily interested in family and co-creating. That may come as a shock to most of you who view polyamory as an avenue for getting more sex. However, for us, while we know sex is part of the picture, and an important one too, we are more focused on creating a new model for community and sustainable relationships which heralds a new age of love and kinder way of relating, pioneering a highly spiritual, conscious paradigm for humanity.
So back to the sex. Ah-hem. How to put this? Let me say from experience that height, weight and other viewable features have nothing to do with size. And you know the size of what I am referring to.
Loving More is the name of the web site that launched the modern polyamory movement. Loving more took on a whole different meaning the night of our first lovemaking with our new beloveds.
Sasha was tired and Juan, Cindy and I became quite amorous. I checked with Sasha and he said it was ok if we played without him while he slept. I discovered that while both of my husbands are well-endowed, Juan is something else!
Our joining was beautiful. Divine. Cindy was aware of the complications and gently encouraged us with her love. She showered me with gentle kisses while Juan entered me. Cindy noticed my eyes grow large upon penetration and said, "Now Juan, you go slow and gentle". We flowed very naturally, like lovers in an ancient dance, reunited after millenia yet not missing a beat.
"Juan, don’t do too much, she’ll get sore", Cindy chided Juan. I smiled. I felt such love and caring radiating from Cindy and Juan. My head swooned, my heart swelled with love for the two incredible beings, truly Gods and Goddesses that have come to grace my life.
The next day, I was sore indeed! And actually, I was sore for two days after!
I cuddled with Sasha after making love with him, noticed my soreness and asked him, "Can a yoni adjust to any size lingam? Will I always feel sore after making love with Juan?"
Sash held me closer, kissed me on the forehead and responded. "Of course, sweetheart. You’ll learn how to relax and open more to receive Juan’s love and begin to love more as you open."
That sounded confusing but I understood what he was saying. I’ll eventually relax both emotionally and physically accepting more love and as I feel more and more comfortable with more love, I’ll feel less pain, both emotionally and physically, until all that remains is bliss.
"Your lingam is large," I told Sasha, "but it’s longer than Juan’s, so it reaches a deeper part inside of me. Juan’s is wider but not as long. When he’s inside me, I’m amazed, as I feel full, about as full as when I double vectored with you and our other lover last Spring. I love that sense of fullness. I feel blessed. The fullness I feel during lovemaking with my new lover is a metaphor for my new life. The stretching I need to do to accommodate Juan sexually represents the stretching and growing I must do in order to feel worthy enough for all the love and abundance that’s come into my life with the arrival of Juan and Cindy."
"Because of my past of abuse, lack and limitation, I’ve limited my bliss. On some level, I felt I was not worthy of such abundance. To complicate things further, as I began to heal and call in more abundance and love into my life, it reminded me of all the times I lacked it and I shut down. Now, as I heal and I grow to love myself, more love comes to me. The more I am accepted and accept unconditionally those around me, the more I heal. As I heal I come full circle, I realize that I am worthy."
Part 2: JUAN’S SONG by Juan
Rubber meets asphalt. We lurch and leap back into the sky. Anticipation is heightened as a sudden jolt is accompanied by screeching sounds and white smoke. Seconds fly by. It happens again and again. The sundry sensations of motion ignite childhood roller coaster fantasies in my head. G-forces pin my back into the seat where I am held captive until deceleration frees me. The overwhelming sound of retro force indicates that our descent is complete.
While gears bring the wing-flaps back into their resting position, three sets of eyes peer through the undersized oblong window trying to catch a glimpse of the dreams that brought us here. As we arrive into the present time-space reality and our minds juxtapose the here and now with the recent past, we assume the pilgrim posture of coming to a new land armed with enthusiasm and aspirations. Excitement abounds as we cheer the skilled captain who safely brought us through the middle passage. We prepare to depart from the modern-day Mayflower. We carry with us our hopes, expectations, and a few vestiges of the world we left behind. We travel down the path and emerge into a new life.
While our dreams crystallize and take on physical form, our hearts assure us that everything will be different now. No longer will our desire for an extended family elude our grasps as though it is a dream deferred. No longer will we have to congregate in small groups, under the watchful eyes of a disapproving conservative society as we exchange idealistic ideals of what polyamory can be. The days of playing "what if" are finally over as each step brings us closer to those who share our concept of community. We can finally relax and enjoy the peace of our newfound freedom and live the lifestyle that we choose for this is more than America, THIS IS MAUI!
Our new family members rush to greet us. We embrace as they welcome us home. Paradise lost is now paradise found. The adrenalin rush of my new experience is prolonged. This land is beautiful. The luscious fruits that fall from the tropical palm trees reminds me of how sweet our life together will be. The clean water washes away the effects and the memories of airborne carcinogens that are a part of my polluted past. The ocean beckons me to join her in the dance of my primal beginnings. The intoxicating fragrances of flowers fill my nostrils at night while the soothing sound of the mountain stream dances past my bedroom window.
Excitement still abounds as everyday brings a new challenge and a new adventure. Today is our daughter’s first day at school. Her enthusiasm cannot be contained. It is contagious and touches each of us.
We will journalize the experiences of our new home to share the realities of our dreams with those who now stand on the springboard of desire and are contemplating the plunge into polyamory. Our message to you is a simple one: You are the authors of your reality; only you can manifest your destiny.
Now as we settle into the give-and-take of merging our families we do so with love and hope pumping through the chambers of our hearts. In the spirit of hospitality we invite you to come see and experience what we have co-created on this beautiful Pacific island. Come visit us as our present lifestyles reflect a time long before the support and security of community living was supplanted by the iconoclastic self-interest of the nuclear family. Come visit us as we revive our collective conscious to reflect a time when peace and cooperation prevailed, when we were one with nature, when we healed the land and in turn the land healed us. Come visit us and play in our tropical paradise of magical Maui. Come…
Part 3: TRANSITION by Cindy
Transition is difficult whether it is within you, your family, and lifestyle, between homes, schools, cities, states, mainland or island. Yes, even when it is to paradise. Any decision which changes your family dynamics brings with it the knowledge that adjustments will have to be made and dealt with not only on the physical levels but also the emotional and intellectual. I literally tore my family structure apart with the decision to move to Maui. My nuclear family went from five to three by leaving two college students on the mainland. This will have a large impact on the twelve year old that moved with us, as she misses the daily interaction with her siblings. Not only did I move us from one home to another, but also from central United States to off the mainland to the island of Maui, which is a total physical, cultural and environmental change.
With this move has come the anger and negativity from the grandparents and other close family members not only because we have taken the grandchild so far away, but also because they view it as the worst financial move we could have made. Forget that we are talking about our personal long-term happiness. It would have been wonderful if they could wish us well and be enthusiastic about coming to visit. Instead each phone call to connect with them is laden with negativity and depression that they will never see any of us again. I want our children to understand that they should follow their dreams, not give them up. My endeavor is to always encourage them to choose their own path and live life to the fullest.
I landed in Maui with the expectation of becoming part of a family of six, five adults and one child. Shortly after arriving, I learned that one of the community members had chosen to pursue a different path, a path which will take her away from the community. I was disappointed to say the least as I had looked forward to getting to know her better, sharing common interest, and discovering new interests together. This, however, is what polyamory and unconditional love is all about and the reinforcement of what I have been teaching my children. Every member, while part of the community as a whole, is still an individual with individual needs, wants and desires. Some members may find that in order to fulfill their dreams or have some strong need met that the community is unable to address, that they must leave the community for a period of time or possibly forever. This is much like letting a child go in order to allow them to grow to their full potential. That person needs your love, acceptance and respect for their choices. It is our responsibility to support them in a decision that they feel is best for their own well-being. My very brief time to interact with Jennie is cherished and will not be forgotten. I hope that our paths will come together again. My arms will always be open to receive her.
Now it is time to turn my attention to my dream, a dream my spouse and I share, and my reason for being here. The physical surroundings are perfect, from the soothing sound of water flowing outside each door and window, to the lush tropical foliage in all of its variety that provides a constant array of fragrances and fruits that are pleasing to the senses, to the new cultural customs and languages. Everyday brings new discoveries, challenges and opportunities for personal growth and expansion. The meshing of families begins. I am glad to be here and welcome the challenge of establishing a community in this beautiful environment. Each member of the community is quite unique. I am anxious to see how the group dynamics unfold in order to create and build the dream of a polyamory community.
Part 4: THE MORNING MEDITATION by Sasha
My opinion of the most fun that I had here was having such a big place and having toads, lizards and green all around and also the peaceful sounds of our stream just next to us. And the great scents of different flowers and fruits and leaves. And we also have interesting plants to look at, and all kinds of places to go.
2. JOIN OUR CONSCIOUS COMMUNITY ON MAUI
Join us for a day, week, month or a lifetime. Experience living in a polyamorous/tantric/spiritual community when you come stay with us and learn in our Maui paradise home. We’re developing more polyamory events, playshops and curricula at the School of Tantra. We’ll hold a two week live-in poly training with our February 3-15. Join us for all or part of it. If you’re interested in learning more about this amazing new lifestyle or joining us for one of our events, send an email to email@example.com.
3. CONSCIOUS CONNECTIONS - SATURDAYS 7-9:30 PM
For Schedule of Classes for November and December, see the end of this
Thank you all for supporting this work by passing along this message to your personal email list and to your member lists and groups. If you are not subscribed to this newsletter but received it through another party, you may SUBSCRIBE by sending an email firstname.lastname@example.org or click the following link to join one of our newsletters featuring subjects like polyamory, tantra, yoga, community, UFOlogy and Sumerian Studies:
School of Tantra, 1371 Malaihi Road, Wailuku, Maui, HI 96793
Janet Kira & Sasha Lessin, Ph. D.
808-244-4103 (office), 877-244-4103 (voice mail)