Many times we reach "the brick wall"; and communication breaks down completely. Our responses are now totally reactionary and continue to disintegrate. As the tide of resentments continue to swell, our thoughts move to other people and outside experiences. We try to recover that feeling of excitement, joy and bliss that once were there in the relationship long ago when our romance was new. Many times the thoughts become deeds, and then the sneaking, secrecy and lies begin.

     We’re all psychic and feel what the other tries to conceal. Even though we don’t speak the lies, the betrayed party knows. The gap widens; the barrier to intimacy becomes complete. Lovemaking goes from infrequently to never. Sometimes the underlying guilt manifests itself in impotence and other forms of sexual dysfunction. When we’ve reached the end, our only hope is honesty.

     Unfortunately, most of us do not have the tools to communicate deeply and honestly. The fears of what we don’t want to create tend to backfire on us and create just that; and life becomes our worst nightmare. The truth comes out in hideous fashion. Or worst yet, lies continues and we’re subject to serving out sentences we imposed on one another.

     How long will your sentence last? How much can you endure?

     All-Chakra living means communicating on all levels: mind, body and soul. Sasha and I can literally tell one another anything that we are thinking. If we have an attraction for another, we express it. Issues unexpressed have a way of becoming demonic and coming out in inappropriate ways.

     If we have a desire, we work on ways to satisfy them; although perhaps not in the exact way as envisioned by the person, we move in the direction that feels comfortable for both of us. Decisions are unanimous and joint. If something doesn’t work for one of us, it doesn’t work for either of us. There are three entities in all our decision making: Janet, Sasha and the relationship, which we value and cherish above anything else.

     For if WE aren’t working, nothing else in life seems to work. Everything else suffers: our joy, our jobs, our health, our life.

     Yes, even our life. When life isn’t lived authentically from truth and honesty, the stress from the emotional repression many times creates being ill-at-ease (dis-ease). Repressed resentments and anger often lead to cancer; heart-ache can lead to heart-attacks.

     Many counselors try to keep couples together at all costs. Yet actually, sometimes the kindest decision is to part--even if there are children, economic considerations and a million other excuses to stay together.

     Everyone deserves a full-chakra life. If you find your relationship lacking in one of these areas, do something about it. Become conscious and discover ways to expand your connection; find things in common and develop them in those areas for one another. There are many models for conflict resolution. Get outside help if necessary. Find something that works for you. Go to seminars, therapy, church counselors, whatever it takes. If the love is strong, do it--for the love is worth it.

     Finally, if you have discovered that you have completed your developmental tasks together and there are no new goals that you share--that you’ve reached a point where the lies are too big to overcome--where you find the resentments too deep to heal and the hurts outweigh the amount of love that you have, then set each other free. That may be the highest expression of love.

      Allow yourselves a fresh start, love again, correct the wrongs you’ve done and stop punishing yourselves. You deserve a full life, an all-chakra life. You have the ability create it!

     It’s never too late even though you may think it is. When Sasha and I found each other it was after two long-term, failed marriages for each of us. I was well over 40 and he over 50 when we united and embarked on our life of bliss. It wasn’t easy for either of us. Our journey was a long road of working on ourselves, doing our family-of-origin work, healing our internal wounds from previous relationships and becoming conscious through therapy, seminars, reading and self-education. And it ain’t over yet!    

 Relationships are a process; and Sasha and I are conscious enough to recognize that and commit to it. We are devoted to one another and have pledged to be there to continue our healing. If things get to be "over our heads," we, the "professional relationship counselors," will swallow our pride and seek help outside ourselves to gain clarity. All of us are capable of not being able to see the forest for the trees. It’s difficult when we’re "in" it; so sometimes we need help to step outside ourselves to focus.

     We now have new models of relating with open, honest, clear and authentic communication. Living an orgasmic life is not only possible for all; it’s our birthright. Therapy and counseling are today’s tools for healing relationships and personal wounds--just like medicine has been used to heal diseases and physical wounds.

     Tantra reunites our souls in ancient ways, combining sexuality and spirituality. We return now to our source, forging beyond the veil of forgetfulness, moving past our skin encapsulated bodies, completing our divine union, remembering the LOVE which is all there really is.

     Am I saying that we have no problems? That every day is easy, pleasant and simple? No, not at all. There may be upsets and disagreements, we may not always be happy. In fact, we sometimes get into arguments and I even yell! So how can I say that we live a tantric life?

     What I mean by an tantric life is that we have at last found an inner peace. From this peace, we can experience all life. Sasha and I are devoted and committed to one another and to the process of relationship. From within that process, we experience the full range of emotions, spanning the entire spectrum.

     We’re family to one another; more than husband and wife; we’re a combination of husband, wife, mother, father, friend, lover, sister and brother. We have both married and adopted one another. We are committed to be there throughout life, heal each other; overcome wounds from our childhood and adult relations. And believe me, some of those wounds are deep.

     Sasga and I hold the space in the center for our beloved to return when one becomes destablized and experiences that temporary insanity that takes place when they are out of balance. If we both become destabilized at the same time, we ride the wave and remember the love, use all our tools that we have learned, and hold fast until the storm has passed.

  When we can’t "figure it out," we "finger it out" and make love (digital and otherwise) even when one or both of us may not "feel" like it. For the body remembers the love on a cellular level. When we put aside our stubborn egos and just hold one another for dear life, then the defenses and anger melt away; and once again we’re in love. Bottom line, our love’s what really matters.

We recognize that we are "home," that our souls have found one another after all these centuries. We stop and count our blessings; and from this space of appreciation, everything becomes a blessing.

Chores become a blessing. "I thank God/Goddess that I have a toilet to scrub. I thank you Universe that I have dishes to clean, for that means I have food to eat and beloved ones to feed".

In a tantric life, everything around you is a divine prayer. I love the birds, the sky, the water, the air, the plants, the ocean, my friends, my cats, my car. God is within everything, every molecule, every being, every thing.

This perspective lets you honor all the craftsmanship in the car that you drive. Look at the buildings and imagine how many things made by how many people from how many parts of this globe went into the construction of that one building. Then look around at your town.

Think of those who created the technology for the simple things around you; your toothbrush: the glass in your windows, the carpet beneath your feet. You’ll have a new-found appreciation for the knowledge and love that went into all the inventions, the progression of discoveries that led to each creation and the history of the civilization all around you.

My life is orgasmic; and as such, my beloved husband, my devotee’s dedicated to my happiness and well-being; and I to him.

According to our tantric practice, we connect intimately twice a day. In the morning Sasha and I may connect briefly, aligning chakras, looking into one another’s eyes, exchanging breath, speaking loving words and sharing our innermost secret thoughts. Sasha may or may not be inserted in me. He does not ejaculate so he can conserve his energy during the day.

In the evening we connect fully, making sweet, passionate love. We fall asleep in one another’s arms, full and complete

As my beloved healer and devotee, Sasha ‘honors’ me whenever I request, massaging my sacred sector as I cry out in orgasmic bliss. As I channel the divine Shakti energy, he rides my orgasmic waves. The veil of separation between us disappears. He feels what I feel. We become the cosmic ONE. We move the energy in our sacred circle: from my shrine, up the center of my body, through all my chakras, out my crown and down, into his base, through all his chakras out through his hands, out through his mouth, and once again back through me. We become a conduit of our combined kundalini energies: a complete circuit--man, woman and God.

    I go higher with each wave, thinking each level is "the top," only to find I have not yet begun to crescent. My orgasms blend one into another. I enter a dimension of timelessness. Images of yesteryear dance before my eyes. I’m 20; I’m 5; I’m 35; I’m in uterus.

     As the sensations increase, I move from my personal self to my historical self; as I remember lifetimes here on the Earth, in other dimensions and on far away planets. I lose my self-sense entirely; and become one with Mother Gaia and God/Goddess, the Universe. I move between masculine and feminine. I relive the stories of the ages and become the archetypes: Aphrodite, Athena, Zeus, Thor.

      I peak; my amrita flows. Sasha smiles and chants, "Blessings, blessings," programming me with the positive affirmations I need to hear at this time. But wait, there is yet another level. I go higher. I recall the challenge once whispered in my ear, "How much pleasure can you take?" Part of me wants to stop; the other part wants to continue to push that threshold.

My whole body begins to pulsate. I’m in a full-body orgasm. Kreas (waves of electric pulses) rush up and down my spine in waves; my body snakes and pulsates with the rhythm. The chemicals rush to the extremities of my body: my toes, my fingers, my head. I moan, long, slow, ooooooooooooooooohhhhh.

 My life is full. Complete. From this orgasmic state, I can go out and face the day. The stresses of life melt away in the arms of my beloved. I can handle it; I can go on.

     Wounds of a lifetime of pain and abuse are being replaced with healing programs due to the patience and love of my husband. At last, in Sasha, I’ve found a partner who meets me on all chakra levels.

 In previous relationships, we may have connected on one or two chakras. We may have loved each other (heart chakra) and lived together (base chakra); but we lacked a shared vision (third-eye chakra) and our communication could have used some improvement (throat chakra). In my last marriage, we did the material side of life together quite well (base chakra): buying a home, acquiring things, Yet we lacked a spiritual connection (crown chakra); and eventually everything else broke down.