Fall brings the elections and they sure are scary. Raised Republican, I identified as Republican and voted that way most of my early adult life until late in the 1980s when I quit voting, shook my head, went inside and tried to make sense of it all.  I emerged out the other side a liberal, lover of nature, devoted to peace.  I have a very simple litmus test when it comes to qualifying who I vote for. I ask, are they for peace and do they honor nature?  Right now it seems we're stuck with voting for the lesser of two evils.  Someday I'd like to see the options for my votes as the better of the best. I think we can get there but it may be in steps.  If nothing else this current state of affairs shows us that we can no longer be lazy or apathetic about what's going on. Even if we die trying, even if we up in a modern day version of Hitler's ovens, we need to speak up, and do it loud and strong, before "they" take our silence as permission and we lose our right to speak at all.  I invite each one of you to look inside and vote with your heart.   If you haven't seen "What The Bleep Do We Know?" I highly recommend you do it now.  If you want a fast track out of the matrix that satisfies the ego's needs for logical explanations while propelling you to the highest levels of consciousness, and is entertaining to boot, catch it and do it soon.  But there are some out there who prefer to remain in the matrix. I doubt those kinds of folks are the ones who read my newsletter.

Mahalo and Bright Blessings,
Janet Kira Lessin

This issue contains:

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1.    PASSIONATELY POLY  Janet Kira Lessin

I’ve been philosophically polyamorous since I discovered the concept when I was 12 years old. Two books I read at that time (1966) forever shifted my perspective on reality: Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein and The Harrad Experiment by Robert Rimmer.

These two books described polyamory. However, neither of them used the term which wasn’t to be coined until approximately twenty years later. The books supported freedom, love, peace and happiness. Made sense to me. These things could be accomplished by sexual and religious freedom, freedom to think what one thought and feel what one felt. That too made sense to me. What didn’t make sense was the hypocrisy around me. People were saying one thing and doing another.

In fact, that hypocrisy’s never ended. It’s just today I call it pluralistic ignorance. People profess to doing one thing, and do another. Especially when we’re talking about sex. And this hypocrisy, this pluralistic ignorance, this lie about who and what we are mixed with the guilt, shame and pain about having to hide our thoughts and feelings, combined with repressing what we really want to do, leads to planetary neurosis which causes war. The battle within creates the battle without which builds till the battle’s universal. The main fuel for fire, besides greed, is sexual repression and the battle of the sexes.

Patriarchical men repress women which means they’re actually denying, subjugating, repressing and downright abusing the feminine half themselves. In other words, most of humanity’s crazy. And without a doubt, war is the highest expression of insanity.

Back to the 60s. I heard recently that someone was terrified of the 60s attitudes around polyamory as it was all sex, drugs and rock and roll. They believed that free love was sorta like swinging.

Well I was there, lived through the 60s, had enough functioning brain cells to understand a bit about what was going on, and from my perspective, we had rich, alive, full-on relationships every bit as co-dependent and dysfunctional as today’s relationships. One of the major differences between then and now is that we were onto something and on the verge of "getting it".

Having survived all these years I’m now 50 years old and I see a strange new phenomenon happening around me. We’re beginning to "get it" again.

Now what side-tracked us from where we started long ago, I can only guess. The important thing is once again we’re excited about something, we’re stoked about peace, love, freedom and happiness, especially when it come to sex.

Legislation abounds. Do we allow same sex lovers to marry? Well that’s refreshing cause in the 60s we hardly talked about gay and lesbian love.

Sure, John Lennon came out of the closet and said "What’s all the fuss about two men loving each other when all this killing’s going on in the Middle East?"

Well Lennon’s dead. Someone made sure he couldn’t continue singing his songs that inspired the world. But some things never change. We’re still fighting in the Middle East and we’re still making a huge fuss over men loving men.

And I’m still poly. I started out polyamorous philosophically then ventured into being physically poly early on, when I was 14, 15 or 16. I discovered it was super nice, tons of fun and great warm fuzzies to have more than one lover.  

While my lovers and I never simultaneously shared a bed back in the late sixties, I was poly because I would love one lover the early part of the day and love another at the end. However, back then, I was sneaking around. I didn’t like that part but I wasn’t certain how else to do it.

Meanwhile, hypocrisy abounded. The folks, who were out there in the world impressing everyone with their Presbyterian, righteous, moral religion. Meanwhile, behind closed doors, they had a group of fellow church goers bonking one another till all hours of the night.

I felt it. Knew I smelled something rotten. We’re all a bit psychic and I was more psychic than most. I knew the attitudes and energies they were putting out wasn’t what they were doing. I think that’s one of the major reasons behind my poly self winning out over my monogamous self. Way back then I knew on a deep core level, the folks were polyamorous.

But heck, weren’t they swingers? Not really. They had relationships with these lovers; long-term, ongoing, life-long in fact. After all the guilty partners died, pictures started to emerge and when the pictures became known, I started to remember things and fill in the blanks.

Oh that’s why they shoved me out of the door when movies were being shown. And I remember strange moans and groans coming down the hall when I was supposed to be asleep in bed.

Well I can smile now. They were having fun, sharing lots of laughs and love. I just think it’s a shame they had to hide what they were doing and feel shame and guilt just for loving more than one.

What a sign of the times. Fast forward and today we have swing clubs and conferences not only coast to coast but globally. Here I am politically poly, co-leading the World Polyamory Association along with some of my dearest friends and lovers.

I’ve been deeply affected by social attitudes. The lies, programming and pluralistic ignorance has made it difficult for me and my beloveds to overcome negative conditioning that sets us against our own true nature. While many are becoming conscious, we struggle to overcome our feelings of shame, blame, guilt, dysfunctional relationships, co-dependency and making the other person wrong.

Yep, we can get into the relation-shit just as easily with more than one as we can in a monogamous dyad.

But even though I fall off the wagon now and again, that doesn’t keep me from getting back on the horse.

I do have my programming, you know, both conscious and unconscious and deep down in my psyche, the models loving more than one: my polyamorous parents, early poly books and personal experiences of multi-person loving when I was but a child, motivates me to perservere.

On top of it all, society’s experiencing a huge shift in consciousness. Swing clubs, polyamory conferences, sexy television shows, gay rights marches, same sex marriages, all combine to shift and shape, revamp and remodel our psyche’s to a new paradigm of peace, love, freedom and happiness.

Hey, didn’t we say that before?

Recently my hubby and I decided to bring in an extra male to our relationship. Too much time was going by with just the two of us and we were afraid we were turning monogamous or something awful like that. So the universe delivered a fellow we were interested in six months ago and we decided to have him over to the house for a series of dates.

Sometimes when I want to date someone I go slow, so slow it’s bordering on torturous for all of us. I mean, I don’t want to be called lose or a slut or anything, so I really want to be sure when I get sexually involved with someone that they’re the "right one". Whatever that means.

I mean, it’s rather ridiculous, me being polyamorous and all, that I’m concerned that someone might conceive me as being a slut, but that’s the way it is. Emotions aren’t logical and our Inner Children can sure run a number on us grown-ups.

I don’t want to get hurt, you know. Relationships all tough, full of stuff, projections and the nasties so I really want to KNOW someone before I let down my guard, merge consciousness, swap body fluids and become "one". I want conscious people who’ve done enough of their family-of-origin work so they won’t be confusing me with their mothers or fathers and launch themselves if I cough or sneeze the wrong way. I do have my limitations, rules, regulations and boundaries, you know, established after years of dating both monogamously and polyamorously. I’m pretty much an expert on dating right about now with all this practice, right?

Yet now and then along comes a super pretty face or someone that seems so cool, right-on, centered, spiritual and they’ve "done the work", that I throw caution to the wind and let my hair down.

And that’s what happened with Dharma. I went there, mated, dated, related, Opened myself wide. Threw my expectations out the window. Let down my guard and gave it my all. I dared to be vulnerable. I went for it.

After all, he was spiritual, right? I mean, he wasn’t able to talk that lingo without having been there, right? How could he have perfected that tantric energy without years of experience? And wasn’t my psyche saying he’s part of our soul family come home to celebrate with momma, reunited, rejoicing after centuries apart?

So why was I surprised when it happened again? Not 24 hours after our highest high, greatest joy, and biggest bliss, Dharma got pissy with me. He projected his Mother shit all over me, dumped a huge dump truck full of psychic turds in my living room and propelled himself out the door so fast the door didn’t have time to hit him in the ass.

What happened? Hadn’t we just made love for what, 4, 5, maybe 6 days on end? Didn’t we share love, visions, hopes, dreams, desires and orgasms galore?

My recovery time’s getting much better. I was only angry, hurt and upset for 2 days instead of 2 weeks.

After I calmed down a bit, I told Sasha I didn’t want to ever date anyone again. I wanted to be monogamous. I know, I know, I’m the head of the World Polyamory Association now, but I still want to do that AND be monogamous and I can because straight people support gays and I can be straight and still support polys.

I just don’t want to get hurt anymore.

This was rough. A dear friend came and facilitated us. We spent hours, dealing with this, a biggie and a few other, smaller issues.

I said, "Well if you give my Inner Child this one, she may decide to relax and let us be poly again. But it’s like the couple who’re having erectile dysfunction problems, talking about it and putting all their energy, focused on the man getting an erection. The more they try to give him an erection, the more difficult it is to make his penis erect.

That’s kinda what’s happening with us. The more we focus on pulling in the "right poly people", the more we get close but no cigar. I’m exhausted, my heart’s broken and I need a break. On top of it all, I can’t seem to get my work done, work I need to do in order to pay bills, keep a roof over our heads and food on the table.

So for now, I want to let go of wanting what I want, and let the universe deliver the "right poly people" if that’s what’s meant to be. Otherwise, I’m suffering and not having fun. And isn’t that what it’s all about anyway? More love and more fun?"

Sasha had a bit of an emotional reaction to this. I could tell. I’ve been with him long enough and know him ever-so-well. But he once again proved to me how much he loved me as conveyed to me and our facilitator how devoted he was to me and my happiness, that he’d agree to even Monogamy!

Our facilitator, who’d explored polyamory for years himself, saw the wisdom in letting go and allowing things to happen rather than force the matter.

Whew! My Inner Child relaxed. Oh God, she wouldn’t have to try or do anything! She could just be who she was and go with the flow, however that may be. No more Pleaser feeling pushed to do anything because of shoulds, even fictitious shoulds, implied or fabricated, created by herself, the one who traditionally shoulds all over me.

A week later, I’m feeling more comfortable with the idea of dating again. Funny how the ones I want don’t want me. Or if they do want me they "can’t" because of their partners or their lifestyles or their bosses, families, friends who wouldn’t "approve" of Miss Poly.

What parts of our decisions are choice and what parts do we feel helpless to do anything about?

Over forty years ago a part of me decided I was polyamorous. I knew love, felt love coming in to me from many directions and going out to many from me. From those experiences, I knew that’s who I really was.

Over time I allowed the confusion I felt coming from others to combine with the attitudes and mores of the times to cloud my concept of me. What was projected by others compared to the energies, attitudes and psychic thoughts I picked up added to my confusion. If I allow it, these conflicting energies and attitudes can still run rampant and cause confusion within my psyche.

However, I consciously chose to face my neurosis. I take personal responsibility for my confusion. I chose to explore my programming to eliminate potential psychosis.

When I become conscious of my attachments and addictions to negative outcomes, I reprogram myself. I recognize the dysfunctional patterns within myself, created by my brain’s neurotransmitters during my first traumatic journey through pain and out the other side of my original emotional roller coaster to what I believed was love. I realize that what I thought was love was not love, but was actually a way of getting attention, nurturing, pity and sympathy, which resembled love. Those patterns no longer serve me or my beloveds. By letting go I create new neuro-pathways in my brain which allow the true expression of myself.

With new eyes I see the past, recreate myself and clear the way for honesty, intimacy, true love and divine relationships. While I’ve been philosophically, physically and politically poly for the greater part of my life, it’s time to get real and be passionately poly.

2.  SEPARATENESS AND ONENESS by Janet Kira Lessin

In the beginning was the word and the word was "I". Further vibration created subdivision and parsing of God Mind and the "I" became the "All That I Am". Egos, subpersonalities, subselves, partials, altars; all reflections of the One. Should one transcend oneself? Well that might be a fun game to try. And thus with that thought, the games began.

Hiding parts from oneself is the substance of divine play, or lila. Variations on the theme create further parsing, further subdivision till before you know it, you are you and I am I. The Apparent Other allows for interesting conversations, lovemaking and play. The veil of forgetfulness adds to the fun. Otherwise we’d know it all and realize we’re simply masturbating.

The Participant Observer leads the game by their focused intention. Polarities allow for diversity, experience, choice and delicious dances with dichotomies. With the Apparent Other polarized opposite the Participant Observer, we demonize and create drama, trauma, good, bad, right, wrong, up, down, back, forward and time itself. It’s delicious isn’t it? Rich with story, color, light, diversity, variety and song. Would we give that up for anything? How could we? It’s creativity itself.

Now comes the challenge. I the ego "likes" and "dislikes". My "likes" and "dislikes" are in opposition with the other me, which is you or they. Can the I that I am balance the you that you are and the they that they are and create something that we can agree upon?

Apparently not. At least not now. But what is now but time? And does time exist? And if I disagree with you and you are but a part of me and together we are the All That I Am, then am I not simply fighting with myself?

We may as well cut off our nose to spite our face. Cherish the differences.

Janet Kira Lessin and husband, Sasha Lessin, Ph.D. are Relationship Counselors, Spiritual Growth Coaches and Tantra Teachers. mailto:sashalessinphd@aol.comThey may be reached at 808-244-4103, email: janetkiralessin@aol.com, web site: www.schooloftantra.com

3.  INVESTIGATE THE POSSIBILITY OF A POLYAMOROUS (MORE THAN ONE) LOVESTYLE

Investigate the possibilities of a polyamorous (more than one love) lifestyle.  Ask us how you can make more love in your life, relate from your highest self with your lovers and housemates, uplevel jealousy into compersion (joy at your lovers' joy), and give them each the attention, companionship, touch and sexual-loving they need.  The World Polyamory Association's (WPA) CONFERENCES and workshops feature speakers and facilitators (PRESENTER REGISTRATION FORM) who present workshops on: empathetic active listening, poly relationship styles and systems, imago healing, relationship imaging, non-violent compassionate communications, Voice Dialogue centering, tantric activation, sex magic for your lovelife, chakra balancing, energy clearing, communication skills, poly relating and dating, poly childrearing, poly activism and much, much more.   

     Poly amory , loving more than one person at the same time, is always a good choice.  No problem, love many.