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Janet's Preface
I
began writing as a means to cathart, release, reprogram and heal
a lifetime of abuse, cultural conditioning, religious
programming and societal pressure. My husband, a therapist, one
of the best in the world, didn't realize how wounded I was when
I met him the Summer of 1997. Despite the smiles on my face when
we met at the Loving More Polyamory Conference in California, I
had actually hit rock bottom. No one knew because I was a good
actor. So good, in fact, I fooled myself.
I was in deep
pain. Both my parents were dying. I was living in a co-dependant
relationship in a tiny, one-room studio with Jason, an
alcoholic. I loved Jason. Jason, handsome, brilliant, dynamic,
began having more and more frequent episodes of alcoholic
psychosis and would beat me when he couldn't figure out who he
was. I knew it was sick but I couldn't bring myself to leave. On
top of that, my best friend Janice left Hawaii to be a stripper
in Alaska. She was my major support system, my only real friend
next to Jason and he wasn't someone I could rely on because he
was going nuts. When Janice left, her broken-hearted boyfriend
and I became lovers. We were all poly, so it was ok in the long
run, but even with permission for some reason Will and I hid the
fact we were lovers from Janice for a while. I soon learned that
trying to fix one damaged relationship with a new dysfunctional
one was a recipe for trouble.
Rock bottom's not as bad as it could be. You can only go up from
there. Like the Phoenix rising, after the meltdown I was born
anew. With the help of Sasha, Dr. Lessin, my new beloved and
future husband, I began to reconstruct my life. He gently guided
me as I dove fully into it and took myself through the wringer.
No holds barred. I had to get to the core of myself in order to
make it because the years of band-aid therapy was actually
killing me. Through the process I began to realize who I am. Up
until then my entire life had been a facade created by my own
psyche's ability to fabricate an operational reality from whence
I could function while protecting my walking, wounded Inner
Child. That poor baby, who was me, couldn't face reality and
remain sane. I can forgive myself because what I've learned
through my own process and the subsequent years I've worked
beside Dr. Lessin as a counselor, is that my story is a very
common one.
I've been writing this book for nine years. There's no end, just
a logical stopping point or this story will never get to the
editors. My story, like yours, like the human story, is ongoing.
However, now, I'm living in a pretty blissed-out space. I'm
either very brave or a bit crazy as I've climbed outside the
societal matrix and challenged all the social norms to get what
I really want. My discontent, anger, sorrow and rage guided me
out of the dark. Raised Christian, conservative Republican,
heterosexual, monogamous, I'm now on the polar opposite side of
the spectrum from where I originated. Now I'm the most
open-minded person I know. Spiritual, liberal, peace-voter,
bisexual, polyamorous, I couldn't possibly be happier. While my
days aren't always perfect, in my core being I'm at peace
because I'm free to pursue the real me.
I invite you to do the same and set yourself free. Journal, take
classes, open up, explore. Stretch your boundaries, get out of
your box and climb outside your comfort zone. See who you really
are beyond your self-imposed parameters designed by shoulds
shoved down your throat. You may stay just where you are. But
more likely, you can't help but grow. While you may not end up
in the same place I am, that's cool. The journey to self
discovery and the realization that you're at choice is all that
matters.
I hope you enjoy my story. It's very deep, personal, intense. I
can hardly believe I'm sharing what I'm sharing. If I think
about it too much, I'll censor it and never get it out there. My
husband's been my biggest fan, has encouraged me to write.
Without him, this book just wouldn't be. And I know it's meant
to be. Somehow I feel it's important you know, that you realize
someone else has been down that road, experienced similar
things, thought strange thoughts and played with far-out ideas
ways beyond the norm. That's probably how "the norm" changes.
First hidden, now revealed, the truth, as scary as it sometimes
feels, eventually sets us free. All of us. Free to be who we
really are.
Chapters
Explore Loving More; Women Get Most
from Tantra and Polyamory; Equality, Respect and Reverence; Fear
of Sex; Living Tantra and Polyamory; Truth, Trauma and
Transition; External Relationship Energy; Poly for the
Vulnerable Inner Child; Tantra Touches Releases Imprints; Are We
Really Mono-poly?; Perils and Pearls of Polyamory; Goddess Gifts
Goddess; Two Women and a Man; Two Men and a Woman; Bisexuality
is a Touchy Subject; Couple Dating: Couples, Two Couples; Living
and Loving Together; Four Men and Two Ladies, Connecting at a
Poly-Tantra Ritual, Double Penetration, Poly Pilgrims Progress;
Ride the Rhythms of Relationships; Pitfalls of Polyamory; Still
Tantric After All These Years; Still Poly After All These Years
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