Dear Ms. Lessin:
I just wanted to drop you a quick note to say thank you
positive portrayal of polyamory on PJTV recently. As a
member of a
long term triad- going on ten years now, I think it is
members of the polyamory community to portray ourselves
in the best
Thank you again
PhD Candidate, anthropology
Janet and Sasha, for the ideas on how we could connect
in our group lovemaking so nobody felt left out and
everyone got what they needed.. We had each lover say
what they wanted from each of the others. When we
actually started connecting, Kath withdrew to a corner,
looking unhappy. We followed the procedures you
suggested; we stopped hooking up and gave Kath our
undivided attention. She said she felt shy with Mary
and needed some time with her alone to feel
comfortable. She revealed how sheíd left herself out
when I connected with Mary. Mary invited her to include
herself anytime. We started by giving the women time to
bond. After a while, when we resumed lovemaking, Kath
included herself and a good time was had by all. We now
meet twice a week to make love and are considering
moving in together.
I read your
article on ďAhimsa, Do No HarmĒ and realized Iíd let
myself do potential harm to one of my loverís other
lovers. My boyfriend, (let me call him Tommy) has a
girlfriend who is not open to polyamory. In fact, he
wonít tell her (letís call her Sue) that heís involved
with me and my husband (John). We had been involved
with Tommy for many years and hadnít realized he had
another relationship until recently when we saw Tommy
and Sue together at the Mall. We approached them and he
looked so nervous, I thought heíd mess his pants.
Later, we got the truth when we confronted him
directly. Itís a long story and bottom line, he said he
broke up with her so the three of us got back together
for another lovemaking episode. But I felt so
uncomfortable when I was with him, I went into the
bathroom and vomited.
reading your article, I put two and two together and
realized, deep down to my soul, I cannot participate in
a system involving lies. I donít believe Tommy anymore
and I was fooling myself when I believed he and Sue had
split up. Good thing I followed my instincts that were
activated by your article. I saw them together later.
Once again, he lied. Iíve now set him free and do wish
him well. But I just canít lie or be lied to.
guilty because I made love with him one last time and
then saw him together with Sue. Part of me wants to
confess to her, but I donít even know her real name.
Sheís also moved, so I probably wonít run into her
again. So, for now, Iíll just have to let it go. But,
in the future based on what I learned from you, I will
insist in communicating directly with all involved. I
now vow to disconnect and leave the relationship rather
than hurt anyone by participating in a web of lies and
writing your story. I often read what you have to post
as your experiences resonate with mine and others in my
poly support group. We learn and grow so much from your
teachings and stories, which are so honest. I hope to
get to one of your workshops or your annual polyamory
conference this year. When will you be coming to CA?
Iíd like to book a session with my husband and our new
Howdy (& Aloha)!
I'm the "Erik" mentioned in Janet's post below (which, contrary
to netiquette, I quote in it's entirety due to the ground
When "Annie" (my partner of 17 years) and I walked into Janet &
Sasha Lessin's home, I pretty much knew the setting. Annie had
attended the School of Tantra for several weeks by herself a few
years ago. Their great room which triples as yoga studio,
living room and study hall generates a LOT of positive energy.
Surrounded by tropical forest and overlooking Maui's north
shore, it's the ideal secluded spot for a Tantra school.
I'm biased and often judge people by the company they keep. The
Lessins easily jumped through this hoop. Their friends and
lovers greeted us with a warmth and transparency few outside the
polyamory/intentional community movements realize exists. Annie
whispered, "I told you it was like this."
Talking to Sasha and Janet, we immediately established a bond
and respect. I soon came to regard them as a brother and
sister. I'm a budding Tantra instructor in a small town.
Lineages which brought us to the nexus of our meeting were often
the same. We're all longtime polys (Sasha and I had been
polyamorous before the term existed). All had experienced the
hands-on sensuality training emanating from More University.
Experience in bonuses and trials of Intentional Community were a
given. Deep and abiding awareness of consciousness expansion
and evolution through Tantra was understood by everyone.
Radical transparency (NOT caustic Radical Honesty (tm) )
permeated everything. None seek gurus. We all live in powerful
places: Maui and Jackson Hole. The common denominator to all of
this was Love.
Sasha invited us to a New Year's Tantra Ritual they were hosting
in a few days. Annie and I looked at each other and immediately
accepted; I had long voiced my desire to experience Tantra with
the Lessins. While it was an honor to receive an outsider
invitation to an event with 10 or 12 of their intimate friends,
there was also a hint of destiny. Of course, we were
supposed to meet! I had no personal demands for sexual contact;
my deepest desire was for intense Tantric energy development...
be it masturbation, couples-play or group-play. The puja turned
into largely group-play. Everyone received the energy and heart
opening personally sought. Rather than an orgy of
individuals celebrating pleasure, there was a greater
awareness of being a woven mat of souls using Sacred Sexuality
as a transcendent tool. It was a privilege being in a room with
so many adepts who'd spent lifetimes cultivating the skills of
body, mind and soul which brought us together. People not
intensely on this path would be repulsed or consumed by the
I connected with a number of people, but will concentrate on
Janet. Her post (below) accurately indicates extraordinary
things happened. Reading Janet's internet essays, I knew I'd
meet an intelligent, spiritual, turned-on woman. I also knew
she undergoes a thorough process establishing communication and
trust before sexually connecting. This turned out to be
wrong (we had only recently met) and right (we obviously have
many past life experiences). Shortly after our first kiss, we
both felt a familiarity only souls trailing each other can
feel. Sexual breathing techniques I did (heck, probably both us
did) brought us onto a very elevated plane of consciousness.
Every stroke and touch was a poetic expression of divine
worship. When her yoni embraced my lingam, I had the distinct
impression of a card deck of lifetimes being spun in front of
us. Except, this wasn't a 52 card deck; it was more like a 5200
deck of lifetimes and love sessions flipping past. Oh, Tantra,
I kneel before you! We achieved a state of mutual orgasm which
didn't climax or dissipate for hours. This was a source of
prayer and knowledge, a validation of our deepest dreams and
For most lovers, Kundalini energy is a benevolent faucet drip
which adds icing to the cake. Janet and I launched into a full
bore pipeline of shared Kundalini. At that point, Tantric
lessons and techniques fall by the wayside and become
impediments. Nirvana has been achieved and is self cultivating.
Janet and I knew our time together was short and exchanged words
which proved the mutual experience we shared; we knew the state
we'd achieved is essential for planetary evolution and survival,
and that our path is Poly Tantra. We know each other very well,
and have connected many, many times. While some readers
undoubtedly find Tantra to not be their path to the
mountain top, I encourage all to seek some path and honor the
efforts of others. Once we get to the top, the view is the
Unfortunately, Annie and I have careers which preclude moving to
Hawaii. Similarly, Sasha and Janet have work to do on
Maui. Nonetheless, we hope to meet again and continue our
Ahem... I end this missive blessing Sasha and Annie for
allowing Janet and me unlimited freedom to explode together.
Polyamory is the fulcrum which makes this possible. Without "compersion"
(the opposite of jealousy; taking delight when a partner finds
delight with another), this could never have been possible.
Because of this, polyamory is an essential part of our
Knowing the Lessins and their coursework, I highly recommend
their School of Tantra to beginners and advanced students
From: "Janet Kira Lessin" <email@example.com
Subject: POLY SEXPECTATIONS by Janet Kira Lessin firstname.lastname@example.org
POLY SEXPECTATIONS by Janet Kira Lessin email@example.com
I'm World Polyamory Association's Chief Head Focalizer, yet I spend most
of my residential lovelife monogamously with my husband, Sasha,
rather than living polyamorously with our lovers. Most of our
lovers live elsewhere; we call them our non-residential
POLY-POD. While we wait for our pod-mates to complete what they
must so they can come live with us here on Maui, we date others
and our pod-mates date other lovers others too.
On Maui, Sasha and I teach tantra school and coach individuals,
couples, triads and moresomes where we meet many open-minded and
like-minded people whom we vet as prospective poly-mates and
pod-mates. From this process we learn how much
family-of-origin deprogramming prospective lovers have done.
If, on the one hand, we discover we and they experience mutual
attraction, we wait until they complete tantra school or
coaching . We keep ethical distance from them while we
teach or coach them. When we finish our professional
relationship, we may date each other. But if, during our
professional relating, we see that they need lots of
reprogramming, we won't admit them to our pod until they
rescript much. They must uplevel their emotion-based
childhood-anchored addictive demands into preferences before
we'll date them.
Around the Holidays, Annie--a Mainlander who'd studied tantra
with us years back--and her partner Erik visited us and we all
hit it off. We invited them to our New Year's Tantra Ritual.
I had no sex-pectations of any of the others joining us for the
intimate sexual parts of the evening Ritual, though I knew I'd
make love to Sasha at Midnight. At Midnight every New Years Sash
and I recommit and remarry each other.
The Ritual moved me, to my surprise, into Erik's arms. Rarely
do I vibrate sexually like I did for Erik. The older I
get, the pickier I get. While I can love someone and even make
love with him or her, it's not with the kind of skyrockets and
fireworks I felt in Erik's arms. I remembered I had a tingle of
interest--but not a heart-throb falling-in-love sensation--in
Erik when we met. But tonight there was something about his
arms. Suddenly, we were kissing.
I forced myself to pull back from his kiss. I went to Sasha and
Annie (Erik's partner), to ask their permission. I always
disbelieve I'm permitted to go to intimate places with a new
lover and not lose my partner or distress my new lover's
partner. Earlier in my poly pilgrimage, I hurt a woman when I
had an affair with her husband. And now, 15 years later,
with guilt and shame from this earlier episode salient in my
psyche, I still hesitate and ask for approval and permission.
However, in this now, Sasha smiled. Annie said, "Sure, have
fun." So Erik and I went for it.
Amazing stuff, love. Powerful thing, sex. I went there with
full abandon. Erik met me. I have this uncanny ability to
consciousness, submit to a total surrender. He did too. We met
in time and space. We merged consciousness, experiencing past
and future lives, dancing in the cosmos. We remembered we've
been together before, in other times, other bodies, other
places. We wore each other out. Erik and I returned to Annie
and Sash, then we both went on to play with some of the other
people at the Ritual.
Sasha and I joined all our chakras when we made love at
midnight. We proposed again to each. We again wed, recommitted
to our vows, pledged new vows, lit candles and announced, "We
are wed again." The group roared, celebrated our love.
We all had orgasms in the honor of peace. We hope our sex
magick works. We all dedicated our lovemaking to compassionate
world peace. The group paused to sing peace songs, pray, wish,
meditate, and picture humanity gaining enough sanity to save
itself. Time for us to become a civilized civilization.
We celebrated the birth of 2006 past Midnight. Erik and I
returned to each other and made love again several times as the
year's first hours flew by. Finally, around dawn, Sasha and I
staggered upstairs and welcomed the New Year with one last
joining. All the energy from the hours of lovemaking and
orgasming that night crescended for Sash and I as we roared and
Next morning, all the participants in the New Year's Tantra
Ritual gathered, ate and relived the evening. We each shared
our emotions. We said what, for each of us, was the most
and least favorite experience last night. No one had a least
favorite. All appreciated and celebrated what we'd said and
done and felt about each other.
Next day, Annie left Maui; Erik was to stay here another week.
When he called us, we invited him over for a date. He said he
and Annie agreed to only love others together, but said he'd
call and ask Annie if she'd release him to connect with us.
"Don't", I said, "Don't pressure her." Instead, we reviewed
dates the three of us could join Annie again--probably next New
That's when I realized I'd been harboring sexpectations! I'd
fantasized Annie and Erik would be "the ones." Sigh, when will
ever learn? But wait? Before I fall down my dark hole again,
that hole of relationship dysfunction where I require people to
act as I wish, do what I will--is there another way to see this?
I took a deep breath and looked again.
I told myself I can appreciate what Erik and I had. I can hold
our connection in my heart and mind as whole and complete in of
itself. Erik and I shared deep, intimate, divine love. He
doesn't have to do anything more for what we HAVE (and I
purposely use the present tense). What we HAVE need never be
anything more or less than it is. It simply is. We love. We
are love. Whether or not we get to make love soon or not is not
really important. Erik doesn't have to marry me, live with me
or realistically ever see me again. We have love, here, there,
alive, dead and our love is/was/always will be. That's
just the way it is.
We all originate from divine loving oneness. Occasionally we're
brave to surrender to that oneness and remember from whence we
came. Pairs of lovers have transcended their separate
self-senses, communed each other, touched each other's spirits
and experienced unity with the omnipresent divine for
centuries. Now, with modern tantra and consensual polyamory,
more than just pairs of lovers, but also triads and groups of
lovers can experience divinity during lovemaking.
You can love two or more lovers intimately, deeply,
passionately, romantically. You needn't divorce, demonize,
separate, leave your partner to find love. You can love one
person AND also love another person at the same time. I have
the best of all worlds--my twin flame (Sasha), soul mates (you
know who you are), polyamory (many loves and monogamy (one
marriage). It's so deliciously delightful. With polyamory
I have my cake, eat it too and while I'm at it, I also
have a side of chocolate ice cream.
Excerpt from Janet's forthcoming book, POLYAMORY MANY LOVES: THE
POLY TANTRIC LOVESTYLE, A PERSONAL ACCOUNT
You do not know,
but you are one of my dearest, truest, most courageous teachers.
I am a holistic
healer, and I found through my consultations, that the sexual
problems/imbalances prevail in a surprising percentage of my
clients. When I searched for solutions, I found Tantra. When one
finds Tantra, sooner or later one also finds your name.
I read your
stories, looked through your photo series with delight, amazement
and gained precious education. On a particular post orgasm photo
of you, the "Afterglow", with that smile on your face,
gave me a lump in my throat from the sheer beauty of your
experience, expressed with that magnificent openness, truth,
passion and your courage to share it with everyone who cares to
understand this amazing power further. Once seeing and connecting
with you on such an intimate and elevated level, it is impossible
not to recognize what you are all about: a genuine teacher, taking
her art to the highest degree of teaching.
Yes, you will have
the occasional ferocious critic who is not yet ready to step
further into his/her understanding of higher self. As for me, all
I can say, THANK YOU and thank you again for your honest teaching
of intimacy, joy, passion and delight, and the visual energy you
put into your communications.
You gave me
encouragement to look further and find more wonders through
Tantra, and to open another dimension for many of my clients.
Johannesburg, South Africa
I have to thank you for the story you shared on the WPA tribe
about tantric touch releasing imprints.
While my experience was nowhere near as dramatic as yours, I too
found healing through tantra
A few months after my motherís death a very severe pain in the
T2 region of my spine appeared - so severe that I was in real
agony and could barely function. I went to an acupuncturist and
he told me that the flow of energy was blocked by some kind of
While the acupuncture released some of the energy and provided a
little relief, it was short lived and the pain was soon returned
as intense as ever. My partner at the time decided to do a
tantric healing session with me and as you described, one begins
to go deeper and deeper into altered states. At one point, I was
aware of "leaving my body" and traveling back in time to my
early childhood. (I also had the sensation of floating above
watching what was happening) I remembered clearly, seeing myself
as a toddler and my mother laying between me and my younger
sister as she fondled me to orgasm.
Aloud I just kept saying "I remember! I remember!"
When I came back to the present my physical pain was completely
gone and it never returned. The unnatural grief centered around
my mother was also resolved. So for me too, tantra was the key
to releasing repressed memories which had an almost crippled my
Yes! Tantric healing works and I appreciate your story because I
am sure there are many others who need similar healing.
Thank you so much!
Dear Janet & Sasha,
Thank you so much
for the entertaining, enlightening, informative, fun weekend.
I appreciated everything. It was arranged in a wonderful way
so we all connected, which, of course, made the experience more
special. You two are great teachers and facilitators. It was
all a pleasure and I was and am so happy. I was and am
included. All the best to you both.