Aloha, we just got back to Maui from our Harbin Hot Springs Calif World Polyamory Association Conference Sept 11-13 and got this letter from a participant. I used initials to maintain privacy of sender

Janet and Sasha,

I do not recall how I chanced upon this conference...however it happened, though, it was meant for K and I to attend. We discussed the cost rather diligently as we are on a very tight budget and made the decision to do without a few other things in order to join you. As it turns out, it was a choice that I personally feel has already transformed me and therefore my relationship with K in the most powerful, positive, and joyful way.

I have not been much of a spiritual person in my lifetime. As I said, I have long been a cynic and a critic and though a "hippie" in my youth, a much more mainstream and conventional person in my adult life.

I also reflect on how my thought process works. I refer to it as using my Spock brain much more often than my Kirk brain.

I now find myself at a juncture in my life where I need to make consious choices about how I will live my remaining time. Will I let the bad wolf consume me? I choose now to ackowledge that both the good and the bad live within me, yet I also have freedom of choice as to which I will allow myself to be engaged with. It's not something I thought I had a choice to do...I was just me and those thing just 'happened' to be how I felt.

Allow me to thank you earnestly and lovingly for the work you do and how it, along with that of all the others, both participants and facilitators, has had such a profound impact on me in such a short time. As I told K this morning, it not often that my tears are bred from happiness rather than sadness and this truth of who I can be now sets the path I wish to take forward.

We plan on attending next year's conference and look forward to seeing some of the new friends we have made as well as those yet to be made.

Mahalo and much abundance in your lives individually and as a couple.





Testimonials 1

Dear Ms. Lessin:

I just wanted to drop you a quick note to say thank you for the
positive portrayal of polyamory on PJTV recently. As a member of a
long term triad- going on ten years now, I think it is important for
members of the polyamory community to portray ourselves in the best
light possible.

Thank you again
PhD Candidate, anthropology


Sean of Boulder:

 Thanks, Janet and Sasha, for the ideas on how we could connect in our group lovemaking so nobody felt left out and everyone got what they needed..  We had each lover say what they wanted from each of the others.  When we actually started connecting, Kath withdrew to a corner, looking unhappy.  We followed the procedures you suggested; we stopped hooking up and gave Kath our undivided attention.  She said she felt shy with Mary and needed some time with her alone to feel comfortable.  She revealed how sheíd left herself out when I connected with Mary.  Mary invited her to include herself anytime.  We started by giving the women time to bond.  After a while, when we resumed lovemaking, Kath included herself and a good time was had by all.  We now meet twice a week to make love and are considering moving in together. 

Muchas Gracias.

Rochelle in California:

 I read your article on ďAhimsa, Do No HarmĒ and realized Iíd let myself do potential harm to one of my loverís other lovers. My boyfriend, (let me call him Tommy) has a girlfriend who is not open to polyamory. In fact, he wonít tell her (letís call her Sue) that heís involved with me and my husband (John).  We had been involved with Tommy for many years and hadnít realized he had another relationship until recently when we saw Tommy and Sue together at the Mall. We approached them and he looked so nervous, I thought heíd mess his pants.  Later, we got the truth when we confronted him directly.  Itís a long story and bottom line, he said he broke up with her so the three of us got back together for another lovemaking episode.  But I felt so uncomfortable when I was with him, I went into the bathroom and vomited. 

 After reading your article, I put two and two together and realized, deep down to my soul, I cannot participate in a system involving lies.  I donít believe Tommy anymore and I was fooling myself when I believed he and Sue had split up.  Good thing I followed my instincts that were activated by your article. I saw them together later.  Once again, he lied.  Iíve now set him free and do wish him well. But I just canít lie or be lied to.

 I feel guilty because I made love with him one last time and then saw him together with Sue.  Part of me wants to confess to her, but I donít even know her real name. Sheís also moved, so I probably wonít run into her again.  So, for now, Iíll just have to let it go. But, in the future based on what I learned from you, I will insist in communicating directly with all involved.  I now vow to disconnect and leave the relationship rather than hurt anyone by participating in a web of lies and deception. 

 Thanks for writing your story.  I often read what you have to post as your experiences resonate with mine and others in my poly support group. We learn and grow so much from your teachings and stories, which are so honest.  I hope to get to one of your workshops or your annual polyamory conference this year.  When will you be coming to CA?  Iíd like to book a session with my husband and our new girlfriend.

Howdy (& Aloha)!

I'm the "Erik" mentioned in Janet's post below (which, contrary to netiquette, I quote in it's entirety due to the ground covered).

When "Annie" (my partner of 17 years) and I walked into Janet & Sasha Lessin's home, I pretty much knew the setting.  Annie had attended the School of Tantra for several weeks by herself a few years ago.  Their great room which triples as yoga studio, living room and study hall generates a LOT of positive energy.  Surrounded by tropical forest and overlooking Maui's north shore, it's the ideal secluded spot for a Tantra school.

I'm biased and often judge people by the company they keep.  The Lessins easily jumped through this hoop.  Their friends and lovers greeted us with a warmth and transparency few outside the polyamory/intentional community movements realize exists.  Annie whispered, "I told you it was like this."

Talking to Sasha and Janet, we immediately established a bond and respect.  I soon came to regard them as a brother and sister.  I'm a budding Tantra instructor in a small town.  Lineages which brought us to the nexus of our meeting were often the same.  We're all longtime polys (Sasha and I had been polyamorous before the term existed).  All had experienced the hands-on sensuality training emanating from More University.  Experience in bonuses and trials of Intentional Community were a given.  Deep and abiding awareness of consciousness expansion and evolution through Tantra was understood by everyone.  Radical transparency (NOT caustic Radical Honesty (tm) ) permeated everything.  None seek gurus.  We all live in powerful places: Maui and Jackson Hole.  The common denominator to all of this was Love.

Sasha invited us to a New Year's Tantra Ritual they were hosting in a few days.  Annie and I looked at each other and immediately accepted; I had long voiced my desire to experience Tantra with the Lessins.  While it was an honor to receive an outsider invitation to an event with 10 or 12 of their intimate friends, there was also a hint of destiny.  Of course, we were
supposed to meet!  I had no personal demands for sexual contact; my deepest desire was for intense Tantric energy development...  be it masturbation, couples-play or group-play.  The puja turned into largely group-play. Everyone received the energy and heart opening personally sought.  Rather than an orgy of individuals celebrating pleasure, there was a greater
awareness of being a woven mat of souls using Sacred Sexuality as a transcendent tool.  It was a privilege being in a room with so many adepts who'd spent lifetimes cultivating the skills of body, mind and soul which brought us together.  People not intensely on this path would be repulsed or consumed by the Fire.

I connected with a number of people, but will concentrate on Janet.  Her post (below) accurately indicates extraordinary things happened.  Reading Janet's internet essays, I knew I'd meet an intelligent, spiritual, turned-on woman.  I also knew she undergoes a thorough process establishing communication and trust before sexually connecting.  This turned out to be
wrong (we had only recently met) and right (we obviously have many past life experiences).  Shortly after our first kiss, we both felt a familiarity only souls trailing each other can feel.  Sexual breathing techniques I did (heck, probably both us did) brought us onto a very elevated plane of consciousness.  Every stroke and touch was a poetic expression of divine worship.  When her yoni embraced my lingam, I had the distinct impression of a card deck of lifetimes being spun in front of us.  Except, this wasn't a 52 card deck; it was more like a 5200 deck of lifetimes and love sessions flipping past.  Oh, Tantra, I kneel before you!  We achieved a state of mutual orgasm which didn't climax or dissipate for hours.  This was a source of prayer and knowledge, a validation of our deepest dreams and desires.

For most lovers, Kundalini energy is a benevolent faucet drip which adds icing to the cake.  Janet and I launched into a full bore pipeline of shared Kundalini.  At that point, Tantric lessons and techniques fall by the wayside and become impediments.  Nirvana has been achieved and is self cultivating.

Janet and I knew our time together was short and exchanged words which proved the mutual experience we shared; we knew the state we'd achieved is essential for planetary evolution and survival, and that our path is Poly Tantra.  We know each other very well, and have connected many, many times.  While some readers undoubtedly find Tantra to not be their path to the
mountain top, I encourage all to seek some path and honor the efforts of others.  Once we get to the top, the view is the same.

Unfortunately, Annie and I have careers which preclude moving to Hawaii.  Similarly, Sasha and Janet have work to do on Maui.  Nonetheless, we hope to meet again and continue our relationship.

Ahem...  I end this missive blessing Sasha and Annie for allowing Janet and me unlimited freedom to explode together.  Polyamory is the fulcrum which makes this possible.  Without "compersion" (the opposite of jealousy; taking delight when a partner finds delight with another), this could never have been possible.  Because of this, polyamory is an essential part of our
sacred path.

Knowing the Lessins and their coursework, I highly recommend their School of  Tantra to beginners and advanced students alike.

Happy Trails!


From: "Janet Kira Lessin" <janetkiralessin@aol.com
Subject: POLY SEXPECTATIONS by Janet Kira Lessin janetkiralessin@aol.com

POLY SEXPECTATIONS by Janet Kira Lessin janetkiralessin@aol.com
 I'm World Polyamory Association's Chief Head Focalizer, yet I spend most of my residential lovelife monogamously with my husband, Sasha, rather than living polyamorously with our lovers. Most of our lovers live elsewhere; we call them our non-residential POLY-POD.  While we wait for our pod-mates to complete what they must so they can come live with us here on Maui, we date others and our pod-mates date other lovers others too.

On Maui, Sasha and I teach tantra school and coach individuals, couples, triads and moresomes where we meet many open-minded and like-minded people whom we vet as prospective poly-mates and pod-mates.  From this process we learn how much family-of-origin deprogramming prospective lovers have done.

If, on the one hand, we discover we and they experience mutual attraction, we wait until they complete tantra school or coaching .  We keep ethical distance from them while we teach or coach them. When we finish our professional relationship, we may date each other.  But if, during our professional relating, we see that they need lots of reprogramming, we won't admit them to our pod until they rescript much. They must uplevel their emotion-based childhood-anchored addictive demands into preferences before we'll date them.

Around the Holidays, Annie--a Mainlander who'd studied tantra with us years back--and her partner Erik visited us and we all hit it off. We invited them to our New Year's Tantra Ritual.  I had no sex-pectations of any of the others joining us for the
intimate sexual parts of the evening Ritual, though I knew I'd make love to Sasha at Midnight. At Midnight every New Years Sash and I recommit and remarry each other. 

The Ritual moved me, to my surprise, into Erik's arms.  Rarely do I  vibrate sexually like I did for Erik.  The older I get, the pickier I get.  While I can love someone and even make love with him or her, it's not with the kind of skyrockets and fireworks I felt in Erik's arms.  I remembered I had a tingle of interest--but not a heart-throb falling-in-love sensation--in Erik when we met.  But tonight there was something about his arms.  Suddenly, we were kissing.

I forced myself to pull back from his kiss.  I went to Sasha and Annie (Erik's partner), to ask their permission.  I always disbelieve I'm permitted to go to intimate places with a new lover and not lose my partner or distress my new lover's partner.  Earlier in my poly pilgrimage, I hurt a woman when I had an affair with her husband.  And now, 15 years later, with guilt and shame from this earlier episode salient in my psyche, I still hesitate and ask for approval and permission.  However, in this now, Sasha smiled.  Annie said, "Sure, have fun." So Erik and I went for it.

Amazing stuff, love.  Powerful thing, sex. I went there with full abandon.  Erik met me.  I have this uncanny ability to merge
consciousness, submit to a total surrender.  He did too.  We met in time and space.  We merged consciousness, experiencing past and future lives, dancing in the cosmos.  We remembered we've been together before, in other times, other bodies, other places. We wore each other out.  Erik and I returned to Annie and Sash, then we both went on to play with some of the other people at the Ritual.

Sasha and I joined all our chakras when we made love at midnight.  We proposed again to each.  We again wed, recommitted to our vows, pledged new vows, lit candles and announced, "We are wed again."  The group roared, celebrated our love.

We all had orgasms in the honor of peace.  We hope our sex magick works.  We all dedicated our lovemaking to compassionate world peace.  The group paused to sing peace songs, pray, wish, meditate, and picture humanity gaining enough sanity to save itself.  Time for us to become a civilized civilization.

We celebrated the birth of 2006 past Midnight.  Erik and I returned to each other and made love again several times as the year's first hours flew by. Finally, around dawn, Sasha and I staggered upstairs and welcomed the New Year with one last joining.  All the energy from the hours of lovemaking and orgasming that night crescended for Sash and I as we roared and climaxed together.

Next morning, all the participants in the New Year's Tantra Ritual gathered, ate and relived the evening.  We each shared our emotions.  We said what, for each of us, was the most and least favorite experience last night.  No one had a least favorite.  All appreciated and celebrated what we'd said and done and felt about each other.

Next day, Annie left Maui; Erik was to stay here another week.  When he called us, we invited him over for a date.  He said he and Annie agreed to only love others together, but said he'd call and ask Annie if she'd release him to connect with us.  "Don't", I said, "Don't pressure her." Instead, we reviewed dates the three of us could join Annie again--probably next New Year Ritual.

That's when I realized I'd been harboring sexpectations!  I'd fantasized Annie and Erik would be "the ones."  Sigh, when will I
ever learn?  But wait? Before I fall down my dark hole again, that hole of relationship dysfunction where I require people to act as I wish, do what I will--is there another way to see this? I took a deep breath and looked again.

I told myself I can appreciate what Erik and I had.  I can hold our connection in my heart and mind as whole and complete in of itself.  Erik and I shared deep, intimate, divine love.  He doesn't have to do anything more for what we HAVE (and I purposely use the present tense).  What we HAVE need never be anything more or less than it is.  It simply is.  We love.  We are love.  Whether or not we get to make love soon or not is not really important.  Erik doesn't have to marry me, live with me or realistically ever see me again.  We have love, here, there, alive, dead and our love is/was/always will be.  That's just the way it is.

We all originate from divine loving oneness.  Occasionally we're brave to surrender to that oneness and remember from whence we came.  Pairs of lovers have transcended their separate self-senses, communed each other, touched each other's spirits and experienced unity with the omnipresent divine for centuries.  Now, with modern tantra and consensual polyamory, more than just pairs of lovers, but also triads and groups of lovers can experience divinity during lovemaking.

You can love two or more lovers intimately, deeply, passionately, romantically.  You needn't divorce, demonize, separate, leave your partner to find love.  You can love one person AND also love another person at the same time.  I have the best of all worlds--my twin flame (Sasha), soul mates (you know who you are), polyamory (many loves and monogamy (one marriage).  It's so deliciously delightful.  With polyamory I have my cake, eat it too and while I'm at it, I also  have a side of chocolate ice cream.

Excerpt from Janet's forthcoming book, POLYAMORY MANY LOVES: THE POLY TANTRIC LOVESTYLE, A PERSONAL ACCOUNT www.schooloftantra.com

Aloha Dearest Janet,

You do not know, but you are one of my dearest, truest, most courageous teachers.

I am a holistic healer, and I found through my consultations, that the sexual problems/imbalances prevail in a surprising percentage of my clients. When I searched for solutions, I found Tantra. When one finds Tantra, sooner or later one also finds your name.

 I read your stories, looked through your photo series with delight, amazement and gained precious education. On a particular post orgasm photo of you, the "Afterglow", with that smile on your face, gave me a lump in my throat from the sheer beauty of your experience, expressed with that magnificent openness, truth, passion and your courage to share it with everyone who cares to understand this amazing power further. Once seeing and connecting with you on such an intimate and elevated level, it is impossible not to recognize what you are all about: a genuine teacher, taking her art to the highest degree of teaching.

Yes, you will have the occasional ferocious critic who is not yet ready to step further into his/her understanding of higher self. As for me, all I can say, THANK YOU and thank you again for your honest teaching of intimacy, joy, passion and delight, and the visual energy you put into your communications.

You gave me encouragement to look further and find more wonders through Tantra, and to open another dimension for many of my clients.

Johannesburg, South Africa


Hi Janet,

I have to thank you for the story you shared on the WPA tribe about tantric touch releasing imprints.

While my experience was nowhere near as dramatic as yours, I too found healing through tantra

A few months after my motherís death a very severe pain in the T2 region of my spine appeared - so severe that I was in real agony and could barely function. I went to an acupuncturist and he told me that the flow of energy was blocked by some kind of profound grief.

While the acupuncture released some of the energy and provided a little relief, it was short lived and the pain was soon returned as intense as ever. My partner at the time decided to do a tantric healing session with me and as you described, one begins to go deeper and deeper into altered states. At one point, I was aware of "leaving my body" and traveling back in time to my early childhood. (I also had the sensation of floating above watching what was happening) I remembered clearly, seeing myself as a toddler and my mother laying between me and my younger sister as she fondled me to orgasm.

Aloud I just kept saying "I remember! I remember!"

When I came back to the present my physical pain was completely gone and it never returned. The unnatural grief centered around my mother was also resolved. So for me too, tantra was the key to releasing repressed memories which had an almost crippled my body.

Yes! Tantric healing works and I appreciate your story because I am sure there are many others who need similar healing.

Thank you so much!


Dear Janet & Sasha,

Thank you so much for the entertaining, enlightening, informative, fun weekend.  I appreciated everything.  It was arranged in a wonderful way so we all connected, which, of course, made the experience more special.  You two are great teachers and facilitators. It was all a pleasure and I was and am so happy.  I was and am included.  All the best to you both.

Honolulu, Hawaii









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