It seems when we appear on TV with our poly mates, our relationship with them dissolves. Juan and Cindy left. Chalk up another poly relationship that didn't work for Janet and Sasha. I guess I could launch into story of blame and shame, if I were in that mode. There's many a story ‘bout what didn't work and why. However, it's best to say, things just didn't work.

It took me two days to process the pain and shock. I'm still reeling, but it's not as intense. I feel a bit humbled, especially since they left just a short while after Jennie went back home the month before. A part of me feels defeated and afraid to try polyamory again. Luckily I have my dear husband and best friend Sasha to lick my wounds. And I also can email my two other live-in poly mates, Mel and S.P., who are not here yet, but soon will get on the plane. And there's the wonderful sympathetic ear of my other extended family poly mate, Jor-El.

So what's going on? Why do I keep having these "failures" and are they really thus? Is it all my fault? And why after all of this, do I keep believing that polyamory can work, especially for me, when I keep falling off the horse, land rather hard and feel a tremendous amount of pain? Ouch!

It's interesting dating in this fashion. Before, when I was monogamous, I used to "fall in love" and move through the dance of love, totally unconscious as if it all was out of my control and just as destiny decreed. I floated through two consecutive marriages spanning twenty four years that way, my head in a cloud till reality grabbed my feet and crashed me to the ground. I love monogamy, actually. I guess that may seem strange coming from a polyamorist. I love being in a duo. It seems simpler in many ways. It’s certainly easier coordinating many things that are far more difficult for polys, such as getting everyone in the car on time, sharing economics, dividing housekeeping chores and deciding who sleeps where, with whom and when.

Sasha and I, in our exuberance to create conscious community, have been trying another system of dating, away from the sex-first system so frequently practiced in the "normal" world. We meet people on the internet or at conferences, chat, exchange emails, interview one another and after a couple weeks to a few months of deliberation, decide it's a go to have them move in with us and see how it works.

We've decided to re-evaluate our system.

Sasha and I desire to create what we term "all-chakra relationships", meaning that all the members in the relationship support and love one another on all chakras. For those unfamiliar with chakras, chakras are a system of energy centers that correlate with parts of our bodies--where the ganglia meet--that symbolize aspects of our lives. For example, the root chakra (anus) is home to our Inner Child and embodies our need to feel secure, supported and have a sense of belonging. Our sexual chakra--in our genitals and reproductive organs--is the home of our sexuality and sensuality. Our power chakra (belly) symbolizes how we empower ourselves and each other to take what's rightfully ours in life. Heart chakra energy relates to how we give and receive love. The throat chakra stands for open, honest, authentic communication. The brow or third-eye chakra is for our intellect and intuition and our crown chakra at the top of our head is how we move beyond our skin-encapsulated self-sense to feel our unity consciousness with each other and the divine.

Looking back at our attempts at co-residential poly relationships thus far, Sash and I realized that none of these relationships we had worked well on all levels and that we really need a longer interview process and probation period before moving in together. We need firmer boundaries. We're also taking another newly appreciative look at the "sex-first" system we followed in our youth; it's looking better and better. After all, making love is a wonderful way to open to one another. There's a lot to be said about sharing energy, touching lovingly, getting juicy and going with the flow.