Jennie arrived last Friday and we fell in love immediately. I had thought the depth that I felt with my husband, Sasha, was something I could truly experience only with one. After all, Sasha and I were twin flames, right? We have only one split-apart, one person who is the other half to our whole, right? And yet, here was Jen, holding me, loving me, all her chakras open, love pouring from her every cell filling me up. Her entire being responded to our heart's plea, our soul's recognition of our connection. I was amazed, blown away at the miracle before me. I've found bliss. I am loved and adored by two.

I've been saying I'm polyamorous and I am. I say it to my friends. I go on television and speak it to the world. I know I am as I truly do love more than one in an intimate relationship. I'm not into one night stands and for me to be comfortable loving sexually, I must know the person, feel safe, feel honored, respected and loved. Sasha and I have established many loving friendships, those with whom we relate in warm, intimate fashion. Yet I've not been able to establish more than one full-chakra relationship. No one wanted to live with us, do it all, until now.

Sash and I are pretty intense and thus difficult to live with. Our issues are not completely healed . Our dynamics are pretty dynamic; one might say explosive! We trigger one another and our childhood wounds ooze to the surface. Sometimes our negative bonding patten plays itself out in very yucky ways. Yet Sasha and I are totally devoted, committed to each other and our relationship. We remain firm on the path to our total healing. We believe in us and our high-intensity journey to enlightenment.

I've understood the theory of polyamory and I've experienced many varieties of poly relating. I've held two loves in my heart for long periods of time. I've had lovers who both loved me, but didn't even want to meet one another. Sasha and I even dated a couple for many years and our relationship was full-on, intimate, loving and intense. Yet they didn't want to live with us. They eventually left us. It seemed the attraction in these early poly relationships was friendship, love and sexuality. But anything beyond that, especially with the eccentric Lessins, was a bit too much. Some relationships worked. Others left and have gone separate ways. I'll never forget any of them. I'll always love all of them.

Jennie is the first relationship I've experienced where she wants to do it all with me and Sasha. She's here to commit totally, share life, all of it, including the financial part. She's here not only for the sex, romance and love, (although I must admit, that part is quite lovely), but for the nitty gritty. She does laundry, pays bills, totes that bale, lifts that hay.

So the question I have for myself is how can I hold that depth, intensity and intimacy for two people in my heart, mind, body and soul all the time, morning, noon and night? Have I taken on too much? After all, I've only just begun to get a sense of me through by looking into the mirror of my beloved, my dear Sasha, the one soul who loves me totally, unconditionally, warts and all. The road to consciousness for me has been a long and arduous one. I'm definitely not there yet, yet I've seen glimpses and I know it's real. I still go unconscious, try as I may to maintain my center. When I get lost because I've become so involved in "doing" that I become a do-bee (one who does and not is), I ask Sasha to please chak-align with me (align chakras by facing me) so I can reorganize and find my starting point. I look in his eyes and we see deep into our souls. I breathe, relax, sigh. We smile, kiss, move energies. I feel connected again, grounded. My heart stops racing. I no longer feel lost. Then I can continue with the day and do all that I must do.

From what I've learned from Sasha, dyadic consciousness is the first level one experiences when moving from self to that which is beyond self. Many come to this state and remain there; some for all of their lives. There's the tendency to judge this state of existence as being stuck. However, it simply is.