Use
upsets--even your mate loving another--to know and
love yourself more, overcome jealousy and refine your
relation. I did.
When
my second wife, Joan, asked if I'd be OK if she made
it with a guest, River, I acted mellow, even went to a
hotel.
But
in the hotel, I brooded, compared how she adored River
with how she criticized me. I felt hurt, angry,
left-out, jealous.
Then,
after awhile, I remembered and used one of Ken Keyes'
cures for jealousy.* Keyes says to
see jealousy as a combination of domination demands
(e.g., "I want Joan to think only of me,")
and fear ("I'm scared she'll dump
me."). Fear comes from your security
center, or root chakra. Anger and domination
demands erupt from your gut--your power center.
Running on only fear and anger makes you feel
separate, unable to lovingly empathize. You can
empathize again if you feel-out the same situation
from your heart chakra.
Following
Ken's advice, I felt Joan's affair from my
heart. In my heart I knew Joan and River's
delight with each other. I again knew they also
loved me; and I loved them again. Though I loved
Joan again, I still rankled from the years I'd
suffered her caustic criticism. I told
her.
She
shared the reason--hidden for ten years--she'd been so
critical. "I hated hearing you tell the
day's gruesome news on our morning
runs." My tales of spills and
suffering first made her sad, then, as I persisted,
mad.
So
she'd retaliated--found fault with me--but. I
improved. But held-in her real gripe--my
news. She'd kept displacing her anger into petty
criticism.
After
we talked this through, I stopped reporting news and
she stopped criticizing. Then we revealed our
feelings more and consequently resolved our issues
better.
So
if your sweetheart seeks another, don't despair.
Rise above fear and control; let love lead you.
Open
your heart, tell the truth and you'll continue to
grow.
*Handbook to Higher
Consciousness, pages 44-82.
