|
This
is the first in what will hopefully become a series of
original articles for sexuality.org, profiling in turn
each of the communities that comprise today's
sex-positive culture.
This
article covers the emergence and growth of organized
recreational sex amongst mixed-gender couples as a
social activity.
The
most frequently-used term for this community is the
``swing,'' ``swinging,'' or ``swinger's'' community.
In the 1980's, Dr. Robert McGinley1
began promoting the use of ``lifestyles'' in place of
``swing,'' and ``playcouples''2
in place of ``swingers''; in addition to escaping
media stereotypes that had built up around
``swingers,'' he wanted a term that was inclusive of
couples who participated but didn't choose to interact
sexually with other couples.3
This new terminology (while certainly
well-intentioned) hasn't fully caught on yet4,
and in the interest of avoiding confusion I'll tend to
use the older term, with no offense intended,
particularly when discussing swinging's origins or
when discussing books or articles that themselves use
the older term.
As
far as anyone knows5,
swinging (as this community exists today, in the
United States) had its roots amongst an elite group of
U.S. Air Force fighter pilots during World War II.
These men were wealthy enough to move their wives
close to base, and the fact that their fatality rate
was the highest of any branch of service led to an
unusual social milieu in which non-monogamy between
these pilots' wives and other pilots became
acceptable.6
These arrangements persisted near Air Force bases
throughout World War II and into the Korean War.
By
the time the Korean War ended, these groups7
had spread from the bases to the nearby suburbs. The
media picked up on them in 1957 and promptly dubbed
the phenomenon ``wife-swapping.''8
Although the media didn't treat this new phenomenon
respectfully, the public's response made it clear that
they wanted to hear more. By 1960, there were over 20
widely-available magazines which carried ``swinger''
ads.9
These magazines provided a medium through which the
first swinger parties could advertise themselves, and
the first permanent clubs began appearing in the late
1960's.10
Organized
swinging outside California was originally all
``off-premise.''11
This was also true for New York until the legendary
on-premise club ``Plato's Retreat'' was founded12;
in the South, Midwest, and Northwest, dances13
remained the most popular form of off-premise
swinging. All of these clubs were completely
independent entities and there were no national
gatherings.
Dr. Robert
McGinley founded the Lifestyles Organization in 1975,
through which he began hosting the first national
Lifestyles Conventions14
along with his first efforts to improve the public
image of swinging.15
He subsequently founded the North American Swing Club
Association (NASCA) in 1979, with the intent that
NASCA serve as a trade and standards organization for
swing club owners.
The
swinger's community continued to grow throughout the
1980's and 1990's16,
and is currently enjoying an upsurge of interest and
growth.17
Although single women are almost always welcome at
today's swinging events, the degree to which single
men are accepted varies from club to club. Although
female bisexuality is common in the swing community,
male bisexual activity is still almost non-existent at
swing events.
The
swing community won their first major political battle
in 1996-199718
against the California Department of Alcoholic
Beverage Control (ABC).19
As Gould [9] describes it, the
rhetoric they used in this struggle was a textbook
example of how sex-positive communities of any kind
can find common ground with the public:
-
They
argued that the ABC was attempting to regulate the
private sexual behavior of citizens,
which made the ABC's actions everyone's concern
rather than just one organization's concern.
-
They
got the ACLU and other free-speech /
first-amendment advocates involved, as a result of
the ABC's interest in shutting down a display of
erotic art at their convention. McGinley
considered this issue to be his ``high ground,''
and recognized that many consider censorship of
art or speech to be warning signs that government
is on the wrong path.20
-
They
aligned themselves, at least rhetorically, with
the political struggles of other sexual minorities
(particularly the gay community). This framed the
debate in terms more favorable to them.
Swing
clubs in some cities and states have faced unfair
treatment from local authorities (typically via
selectively enforcing zoning regulations, or passing
new ordinances). Recently, this has occurred in
Florida and Arizona.
The
Arizona case is particularly interesting,
because it essentially resulted from a failure
to align with other sexual minority groups. When asked
why Phoenix was shutting down its five swing clubs but
leaving its gay male sex club (``The Chute'') in
peace, a City Attorney gave the following remarkable
answer [11]:
The
gay constituency is very vocal, and they resist what
they perceive to be the government's attempt to
focus specifically on places frequented by
homosexuals... They consider themselves a minority
group, which creates an extra layer of analysis we
have to go through so we're not perceived as picking
on gay people.
At
least on its surface, this is a compelling argument
for cooperation and solidarity amongst the various
elements of sex-positive culture.
The
national media has been fairly erratic on the subject
of swinging, and frequently falls back on their
tried-and-true approach to sex-positive culture in
general (i.e. ``titillate the public with it so you
can increase sales, then judge it harshly so you can
maintain editorial credibility.'') A surprising number
of reporters have stooped to making small-minded
comments about attendees' appearances or ages, as if
to imply that only fashion models should have the
right to sexual enjoyment.
However,
Gould's recently-published
book [9], the increased level
of respect gained through the recent legal victories
in California, and the general public's negative
reaction to media coverage of the Monica Lewinksy
scandal, may ultimately result in more respectful and
objective media coverage of swinging.
Polyamory,
a modern term for ``the love of many people at once,''
is discussed at length in [7], [1],
and [21]. The question of what
exactly distinguishes ``polyamory'' from ``swinging''
has been the subject of a staggering amount of
internet debate.21
There
is an increasing amount of crossover between poly
communities and swing communities, and every
participant and local community is different. What
follows is my best attempt to characterize some
general tendencies that (in my observation, and at
this point in time) seem to distinguish these two
communities. These are my personal observations and
characterizations of general tendencies that I have
noticed locally, they not rules, and there are always
exceptions.
In
my experience, it is the swing community's emphasis on
sex as a social and recreational activity between
couples, together with the paramount importance
they place on protecting the existing relationship
within each participating couple, that distinguishes
it from the poly cultures I have encountered.
Forming
``triads,'' ``quartets,'' or any other arrangement
where the new relationship bonds are of the same
strength and priority as one's primary relationship,
is common in the poly community but rare in the swing
community. Likewise, regular participation in group
sex is a fundamental characteristic of the swing
community that is comparatively rare in the poly
community. Finally, some of the modern poly
community's current cultural influences (i.e. internet
culture, science fiction conventions and fandom, and
neo-paganism) have far less prominence in the swing
community.
The
number of parallels between the modern swing community
and the modern BDSM/leather community is truly
remarkable.22
Each
community began in the 1940's with World War II
soldiers.23
During the late 1950's, the key clubs spread into the
surrounding suburbs while leather-clad motorcycle
clubs fanned out over the open road, respectively
evolving into swing clubs and leather bars. NASCA was
founded in 1979, the same year that the first
International Mr. Leather contest was held.
Each
community now has its own professional and media
watchdog organizations24,
its own conventions for enthusiasts25
and club owners26,
and each had its own legal crisis in California during
the late 1990's.27
Each
community has struggled with persistent media
stereotypes, difficulties with integrating all the new
members the internet has brought them, and frustration
with social scientists and commentators who study them
with varying levels of cluefulness. Each community
does things to irritate the other28,
each has some points of etiquette where they agree
(e.g. on the importance of consent) but other points
of etiquette where they may disagree (e.g. on whether
it's acceptable to casually touch someone while
flirting). Each community has its created its own
magazines, books, jargon, clubs, documentaries, and
mythology.
However,
each community also has sexuality as its fundamental
basis, a continual need for play space, relatively
equal levels of membership and political power, and a
common interest in the right of consenting adults to
engage in whatever sexual behavior they choose.
I'm
reminded of those science fiction novels where two
planets are populated by common ancestors, proceed
along different evolutionary paths, and then
re-discover each other many years later. I personally
suspect that the similarities between the swing
community and the BDSM community are stronger than
their differences, and that they might be politically
stronger working together29
than working apart.
Estimates
of the prevalence of swinging amongst U.S. couples
range from 0.5% [18] to 2% [13].
This is roughly consistent with McGinley's total
estimate of 3,000,000 (see [9] and
[14]).
One
1974 study found a prevalence of 1.7% amongst their
(regionally limited) sample, but found that 6.7% of
their sample ``would participate if the opportunity
presented itself'' [4], and a
later study [20] found that 19% of
males and 14% of females in their sample sometimes
fantasized about group sex during intercourse.30
A
1985 study of over 400 swingers found its subjects
``significantly more liberal than a control group of
nonswingers on items dealing with areas such as
divorce, premarital sex, pornography, homosexuality
[emphasis mine], and abortion'' [13].
This result is consistent with a much later and larger
study [3], which found the
swingers in its (internet-based) sample to be ``less
racist, less sexist, and less heterosexist than the
general population.''31
A
poll taken at the Lifestyles 1996 Convention found
that 92% of the respondents (presumably, almost all of
whom were active in the lifestyle) believed that
swingers ``should'' be using condoms [9].
This is consistent with a study completed four years
earlier (see [13]) which found that
62% of the swingers in its sample had changed their
behavior as a result of AIDS.
In
1985, Jenks [12] found that
non-swingers (inaccurately) believed swingers were
mostly political liberals who identified as upper
class. Non-swingers also over-estimated by a factor of
three the percentage of swingers who drink or use
illegal drugs.
Here
are some of the reasons that swingers have mentioned
in surveys (paraphrased, in some cases) [13]:
-
Variety
of sexual partners and experiences
-
Pleasure
and excitement
-
Increased
social life
-
Watching
others so as to learn new techniques for your
spouse
-
Overcoming
sexual inhibitions
-
``Recapturing
one's youth''
-
Feeling
reassured that you're still attractive and
desirable
-
Increasing
mutual attraction and love within the marriage32
Here
are some other reasons (paraphrased) that I have heard
swingers mention:
-
It's
an opportunity to re-create that ``first date''
feeling of anticipation and excitement, in a safe
way that won't harm your marriage, and to exercise
social skills (e.g. flirting) that you may not
have used in along time.
-
It's
human nature to appreciate someone even more if
you notice other people desiring them, which may
explain why swinging makes me feel even more
attracted to my partner.
-
Although
this may vary slightly from club to club, I've
found the swinging community to be quite accepting
of a wide variety of body types, sizes, ages, and
shapes.
-
It's
an opportunity to dress sexy or [in the case of
on-premise parties] to go completely nude.
-
It's
an opportunity for people with healthy sex drives
to have that aspect of themselves appreciated
rather than snickered about.
-
It's
an opportunity to socialize and form friendships
amongst people who are comfortable talking about
sex openly.
Being
inadvertently ``outed'' (e.g. to family members or
one's employer) is a concern for many. In my
experience, swingers are very sensitive to this issue
and expect each other to be discreet when discussing
parties outside the club.
I
was more than a little surprised by what the Adjudicative
Desk Reference [5] (which
the Department of Defense uses to help guide security
clearance decisions) has to say about swinging:
Depending
upon recency and frequency, participation in any
form of group sex may contribute to a decision
against security approval if it is part of a pattern
of dissolute behavior (drinking, drugs, gambling),
high risk behavior, or emotional immaturity. It may
not be a significant security concern if pursued
discretely, and if subject shows no other behavioral
weaknesses and medical evaluation indicates no
emotional instability.
Potential
for influence or coercion may not be a significant
security issue if the swinging is a consensual
activity with one's spouse or primary partner, and
if participants make no great investment in secrecy.
Swinging in private with a few close friends is of
less concern than attending a swinger's club or
having a number of anonymous contacts.
Swinging
is primarily a social activity, and the
ordinary social customs of being courteous, initiating
conversation, getting to know people, and letting
trusted acquaintances become friends are no different
from any other walk of life. Put another way, it's
your ability to form friendships with couples,
as a couple, that will ultimately determine the
quality of your experience in the swing community.
-
It's
important that you and your partner be comfortable
saying ``yes'' when you both want to say yes and
``no'' when one of you wants to say no.33
-
It's
important for you and your partner to be in
agreement on whatever your safer sex expectations
might be: although I have never run into a
situation where a request to use a condom was put
down in any way, and condom use is certainly
widespread, it is not universal and is
rarely required as part of a club's
rules.
-
If
you have friends at a particular club, then you'll
probably want to attend your first few parties
with them so they can introduce you to everyone
else.
-
Some
swingers prefer not to be around when their
partner is having sex with someone else (``closed
swinging''), others may prefer or insist on it
(``open swinging''), some will only go as far as
heavy petting and switch back to their partner for
any actual sex (``soft swinging''), and 10% don't
swing at all and are simply there to socialize and
enjoy the fun-loving and sexy environment. If one
of you likes the idea of being in a more
sex-positive environment but is still intimidated
by the thought of actual sex outside your
relationship, then the two of you might want to
agree on a softer style (e.g. ``soft swinging'' or
``just socialize and enjoy the environment'') and
stick with that for a while.
-
At
off-premise events such as dances, it's common for
people to dress up or wear fairly sexy clothing.
-
Dress
at on-premise events tends to be more casual,
since nudity is a common outcome of the evening
for many. It's a good idea to bring a robe or
kimono so you don't have to put all your clothes
back on after getting undressed. It's also good to
avoid small or expensive jewelry that might get
lost.
-
If
it's a theme party, then try to follow the theme.
There's
a community adage that ``the more enthusiastic member
of a couple will get the couple into swinging, but the
less enthusiastic partner will keep them there.'' As
Carol Queen puts it [17]:
The
swing community has noticed another prevalent
dynamic in couples where one partner, more often
than not the man, has more enthusiasm than the
other. He has had terrific fantasies about
freewheeling sex and plenty of it, and he finally
convinces his initially reluctant partner to give
swinging a try. When they get to the party, she has
a great time and is high demand, while he thinks the
party's a dud... Before you pack up your sexy outfit
and fistful of condoms, take some time to consider
and negotiate how you will deal with the chagrin of
the less popular partner if such a dismaying event
happens to you.
Obviously,
this fear might be alleviated by choosing (at least
initially) to only swing together as a couple.
-
Since
you may have the opportunity to get physically
close with one or more folks during the course of
the evening, it's probably a good idea to take a
shower, brush your teeth, and (if necessary) shave
before showing up. If you like to use your fingers
as part of sex, then you might want to clip your
fingernails.
-
Even
if you're a regular, it's usually polite to make a
reservation, and cancel your reservation if you
can't make it.
-
In
the context of swinging, ``couples'' need not be
married. It's expected, however, that they have at
least a little history together, a basic
familiarity with each others' emotional needs, and
be comfortable approaching others as a ``couple.''34
It's unwise, however, to bring someone
(specifically, someone other than your partner)
who has no interest in swinging but who is willing
to attend as a favor to get you in the door; such
attendees are called ``tickets,'' and this
practice isn't looked upon favorably.
-
If
someone declines an invitation, it's considered
rude to pester them with ``Well, why not?''
-
If
you are part of a couple, then be sure you arrive
together as a couple.
-
If
you need to have a serious relationship discussion
or argument with your partner, it's considered
polite to do so away from the party in a more
private area.
-
The
tradition at some on-premise clubs is for one of
the larger rooms to be designated the ``group
room.'' Depending on the club, some rules of
etiquette may be slightly relaxed in this room: in
other words, it might be assumed OK for someone to
touch you unless/until you say no. Clubs that hold
orientations for new members usually mention this
as part of their orientation.
-
Opening
closed doors to bedroom areas and just staring at
whatever is going on is usually considered rude
(note: on a related subject, some clubs have rules
against men being in certain areas of the building
without their partners).
-
Using
alcohol to excess is a bad idea, especially if you
or your partner are just getting into swinging.
Although
there are several good swinger magazines, personal ads
don't tend to be as popular with couples who have
already found a club they enjoy. If you'd still like
to try personal ads, though, then here are some tips:
-
You'll
waste less time placing ads than responding to
ads.
-
The
more truthful and direct you can be in your ad,
the better.35
I
would like to begin by saying this: in the time I have
spent in the swing community, I have never heard so
much as one comment that I would characterize
as homophobic. David Schisgall, when asked about
homophobia at the Seattle premiere of The
Lifestyle, reported exactly the same thing [19].
Furthermore, as was noted earlier, several independent
studies have found swingers to be less
homophobic than the general population.
However,
when asked about the reason for the utter
lack of male bisexual activity at swing parties,36
Schisgall's best explanation was that, rather than
being the result of overt homophobia, it was simply
``not part of the culture.''37
My personal assessment is similar.
Nevertheless,
as was suggested by the City Attorney's comments
following Phoenix's decision to close all of its swing
clubs, as well as by the positive response Dr. McGinley
received when arguing that the LSO's struggle against
the California ABC was similar to the struggle for gay
liberation, there may be tremendous value in the swing
community being able to more systematically align
themselves with other sexual minorities. If NASCA took
a sexual orientation anti-discrimination stance
similar to their stance against racism, they might
create a prime opportunity to begin forging productive
new alliances.
In
1984, Dr. Joan Dixon [6]
published some fascinating research on female
bisexuality within the swing community. Summarizing:
-
She
noted that the prevalence of sexual activity
between females in the swing community is
extraordinarily high.38
-
She
assembled (apparently without difficulty) a sample
of 50 women for her study, all of whom had their
first experience with female-female sex in the
swing community after age 30, and none of whom
even fantasized about women before these
first experiences.
-
Her
study found that ``the generally positive
reactions of these subjects to their first sexual
experience with other females after a lifetime of
strict heterosexuality ... progressed through
repeated experience to an overwhelming general
rating of excellent,'' that the ``percentage of
those whose masturbatory fantasies at times
included other females as erotic sex objects rose
from 4.5% to 61%,'' and that every one of
the women in her study now self-identified as
bisexual.
This
suggests the swing community might be a stunning
example of the impact ``social facilitation'' can have
on adult sexual behavior, preference, and identity.
Dixon
noted that ``from the tone and content of the
subjects' comments the vast majority of them made it
clear that they would not have begun ... [same-sex]
sexual activity had not their respective spouses
suggested it, encouraged them to do so, and convinced
them in various ways that they (the spouses) approved
of it.'' This leads me to wonder whether we would
start seeing a rapid increase in male-male sex (and
eventually male bisexual self-identity) at swing
events if female swingers began openly expressing
their sexual desire and social approval for men who
engaged in sexual activity with other men at swing
events. Since watching men have sex together is a
commonly-reported fantasy among women, this scenario
may not be so farfetched.
An
up-to-date directory of swing clubs can be found on
the NASCA web site at www.nasca.com
and in their International
Directory [16]. If there
isn't a NASCA-affiliated club in your area, then
you'll probably want to search for independent clubs.39
More information on the annual Lifestyles Convention
is available at www.lifestyles.org
Information
on a brand new organization, the ``Trade Association
for Lifestyle Organizations,'' is available at www.theila.org.
In contrast to NASCA, which at this point in time
largely focuses on producing their annual swing club
directories, TAFLO intends to engage in media
outreach, coordinate pro-lifestyle political activism,
and offer support and services to swing club owners.
If
you're interested in swinging and want to learn more,
then you should read Gould's The
Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers
[9] as well as Easton and Liszt's The
Ethical Slut [7], and
finish by watching the documentary The
Lifestyle: Swinging in America [14].
The
ACLU came to the aid of the Lifestyles Organization
during their 1996-1997 struggle, and can be considered
an ally on many swing community issues; more
information on joining the ACLU is available at www.aclu.org
-
-
Anapol,
Deborah (1997). Polyamory:
The New Love Without Limits. San Rafael,
CA: Intinet Resource Center.
-
Bean,
Joseph (2001). Lecture in Seattle on March 25.
-
Bergstrand,
Curtis, and Jennifer B. Williams (2000). ``Today's
alternate marriage styles: The case of swingers.''
The Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality,
http://www.ejhs.org/volume3/swing/body.htm
-
Cole,
Charles L., and Graham B. Spaniard (1974). ``Comarital
mate-sharing and family stability.'' The
Journal of Sex Research, 10 (1):
21-31.
-
Defense
Security Service (2000). ``Information about
specific sexual practices.'' Adjudicative Desk
Reference, http://www.dss.mil/training/adr/sexbeh/sexT2.htm
-
Dixon,
Joan K. (1984). ``The commencement of bisexual
activity in swinging married women over age
thirty.'' The Journal of Sex Research, 20
(1): 71-90.
-
Easton,
Dossie, and Catherine A. Liszt (1998). The
Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual
Possibilities. Emeryville, CA: Greenery
Press.
-
Gilmartin,
Brian G. (1978). The Gilmartin Report.
Secaucus, NJ: Citadel.
-
Gould,
Terry (2000). The
Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers.
Westport, CT: Firefly Books.
-
Greenberg,
Jerrold S., Clint E. Bruess, and Debra W. Haffner
(2000). Exploring
the Dimensions of Human Sexuality.
Sudbury, MA: Jones and Bartlett.
-
Klein,
Marty (2000). ``Pheonix orgies -- gay only,
please.'' Sexual Intelligence, Issue 2. http://www.sexed.org/newsletters/issue02.html
-
Jenks,
Richard J. (1985). ``Swinging: A replication and
test of a theory.'' The Journal of Sex
Research, 21 (2): 199-205.
-
Jenks,
Richard J. (1998). ``Swinging: A review of the
literature.'' Archives of Sexual Behavior,
27 (5): 507-521.
-
The
Lifestyle: Swinging in America (1999).
Directed by David Schisgall. Fox Lorber Films.
DVD.
-
Michael,
Robert T., John H. Gagnon, Edward O. Laumann, and
Gina Kolata (1995). Sex
in America: A Definitive Survey. New
York: Warner Books [also known as the National
Health and Social Life Survey -- please see http://www.norc.uchicago.edu/faqs/sex.htm
for more information and a link to their dataset].
-
NASCA
International (2000). International
Directory: Swing Clubs, Publications & Events.
Buena Park, CA: LSO, Ltd.
-
Queen,
Carol (1995). Exhibitionism
for the Shy. San Francisco, CA: Down
There Press.
-
Reinisch,
June M. (1990). The
Kinsey Institute New Report on Sex: What You Must
Know to be Sexually Literate. New York:
St. Martin's Press.
-
Schisgall,
David (1999). Discussion with the audience
following the Seattle premiere of his documentary The
Lifestyle: Swinging in America at the
1999 Seattle International Film Festival on May
24.
-
Sue,
David (1979). ``Erotic fantasies of college
students during coitus.'' The Journal of Sex
Research, 15 (4): 299-305.
-
Weitzman,
Geri D. (1999). ``What psychology professionals
should know about polyamory: The lifestyles and
mental health concerns of polyamorous
individuals.'' http://www.polyamory.org/~joe/polypaper.htm
Footnotes
-
president
of the Lifestyles Organization (LSO) and
spokesperson for the North American Swing Club
Association (NASCA)
-
which
is apparently now a registered trademark of his
company, LSO Ltd. [16]
-
According
to [9], ``a lifestyle party
quite often does not culminate in sexual
intercourse among couples; roughly 10 percent of
the people who attend just like being in an
atmosphere where such an interchange is
conceivable.''
-
Most
of the material being published today still refers
to the practice as ``swinging,'' including
McGinley's own essay in the most recent NASCA
International Guide [16].
-
and
according to the summaries in [9]
and [16]
-
The
reasoning seemed to be: ``at least a third of us
will die, and if I'm killed I'd like my wife to
still be able to stay within this elite
brotherhood of pilots.''
-
frequently
referred to as ``key clubs,'' stemming from an
(almost certainly apocryphal) story that some
early participants would all throw their keys in a
pile, and the set of keys you picked at random at
the end of the evening indicated whose spouse you
would go home with
-
a
term which the participants generally find
misleading and offensive
-
Ironically,
it's still unclear just where the term
``swinging'' actually came from, though it may be
derived from swing dancing.
-
Dr. McGinley's
own ``Club WideWorld'' began in 1969 and continues
to this very day, though the Berkeley ``Sexual
Freedom League'' (active one or two years earlier)
was noteworthy both for influencing people like
McGinley as well as for having an unusually
political and and utopian basis.
-
i.e.,
swinging was arranged privately amongst members or
attendees, and took place in private homes or
hotel rooms rather than at the actual event
location
-
the
press coverage for which inspired the founding of
many more on-premise clubs along the entire East
Coast
-
also
known as ``socials'' or ``circles''
-
by
1980, attendance at these conventions would top
1000
-
this
included recruiting several distinguished authors
and academics (e.g. Butler)
-
though
with two significant dips in membership: once
during the onset of the herpes epidemic and again
as AIDS reached public awareness
-
The
number of NASCA-affiliated swing clubs doubled to
300 between 1987 and 1997 [13].
There are also thousands of unaffiliated clubs and
at least eleven major conventions each year.
Attendance at the largest convention (Lifestyles)
topped 3500 in 1996 [9].
-
and
again in 2000-2001, against the same institution
-
which
was attempting to prevent Lifestyles from offering
its conventions at any venue under their
jurisdiction, via strong-arming the host hotels
-
Of
course, it also gave people uncomfortable
defending co-marital sex something ``loftier'' to
defend.
-
on
poly discussion lists, at any rate -- I've never
seen this debate taken up anywhere else.
-
Some
of this section's BDSM/leather history came from a
recent lecture by Joseph Bean [2],
and most of its information on swing history comes
from Gould's [9].
-
in
the swing community's case via middle/upper class
straight men (fighter pilots) who wanted their
wives to stay within their existing social milieu
should they be killed in battle, and in the
leather community's case via working/middle class
gay men (calvary and infantry) who wanted to
preserve through their motorcycle clubs the
feeling of brotherhood they experienced during the
war
-
LSO/NASCA
and NLA/NCSF, respectively
-
the
Lifestyles Convention and Living in Leather
-
NASCON
and the Leather Leadership Conference
-
the
Lifestyles Organization vs. the ABC, and Club
X vs. the City of San Diego
-
sometimes
hazy positions on bisexuality and safer sex in the
swing community's case, and the overly-smug use of
``vanilla'' as a pejorative in the leather
community's case
-
under
their shared themes of ``sex-positivity'' and
``the rights of consenting adults to have whatever
sex they choose''
-
The
14% figure also seems consistent with a more
rigorous 1992 study (which, unlike every other
study referenced or mentioned in this article, was
designed to be statistically representative of the
entire non-incarcerated and non-homeless 18-59
year-old population in America during 1992) that
discovered 10% of women aged 18-44 ``found the
thought of sex with a stranger appealing'' and 9%
of women aged 18-44 ``found the thought of group
sex appealing.'' [15]
-
This
same study also concluded that ``swingers rate the
happiness of their marriages and life satisfaction
generally as higher than the non-swinging
population.''
-
As
reported in [8], ``About 85
percent of both husbands and wives feel that
swinging is not a threat to marriage or love
between spouses. None of them reported that their
marriage became worse since they began swinging,
and the majority feel their marriages have
improved. ... Many swingers reported that rather
than dampening their ardor for each other,
swinging often caused an arousal of sexual
interest for each other. Many of them often engage
in sex together immediately after returning from a
swinging party.''
-
Although
not all couples find it necessary to do this, some
couples feel more comfortable having social
``codes'' that only the two of them know. Examples
might be discreet phrases or gestures which mean
one of you is attracted to the people or person he
or she is talking to, or that one of you is not
having a good time and wants to get away from
things for a while.
-
Put
in another way: most experienced swingers are used
to thinking of attendees in terms of their
couplehood, e.g. ``Look, sweetie, there's Dave of
Dave and Jan...''
-
However,
even if your ad clearly states ``couples only,''
you'll still receive a ton of responses from
singles, which you needn't consider it a violation
of etiquette to ignore.
-
i.e.
in contrast to the widespread female bisexual
activity
-
It
is true that the swing community remains
(for all practical purposes) the only
option for straight men and straight OR bi women
seeking organized recreational sex, while gay and
bisexual men have always had additional options of
their own (e.g. the baths, more recently men-only
sex clubs). It's unclear to what degree this fact
plays a role in the apparent lack of interest
outside the swing community for increased
acceptance of male bisexual activity at swing
events, but whatever the cause there currently
seems to be almost no pressure from either inside
or outside the swing community for any sort of
change.
-
Whatever
the true figure may be (68% was the lower of
several results that she quoted), it is clearly far
in excess of the prevalence of female-female
sexual preference or activity within the general
population [15].
-
Directories
such as the ``Regional Guide'' at http://www.janesguide.com
and the ``Hedonists Swing Club Directory'' at http://www.hedonists.com/content/swing_clubs.htm
may prove helpful.
See
also: About Us,
An
Erotica Guide, Anna Marti,
Betty Dodson,
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