|
Note:
We just finished writing an entirely new
article on swinging, which expands on the
information given in this article and summarizes the
existing scientific knowledge about swinging. If you
are at all interested in swinging, whether on a
personal level or an academic level, then we recommend
reading both articles.
Swinging
is a form of recreational social sex between
consenting adults, most commonly consisting of
male/female couples meeting other male/female couples
for sex and/or ongoing intimate friendships.
Swinging
(otherwise known as "the lifestyle") can
take a variety of different forms. Although single
women are generally welcome at swinging events, the
degree to which single men are accepted varies from
club to club. Although female bisexuality is generally
accepted in the swinging community, the degree to
which male bisexuality is accepted also varies from
club to club. Swing clubs can be
"on-premises" (which means that one may
interact sexually with others at that event) or
"off-premises" (which means that one would
generally go back to the home or hotel room of other
couples for sex, after deciding to do so at the
event). Newspapers and magazines which carry personal
ads for swingers also exist, and to a slightly lesser
degree these publications may also be considered an
aspect of "the lifestyle." Swingers have
traditionally been largely middle class and tend to
blend in quite easily with the general population in
terms of appearance and ideology.
What
Might I Like About Swinging?
People
may be attracted to the swinging community for a
variety of different reasons. Many couples find the
thought of having sex with other people to be very
arousing, and may find that swinging becomes a
catalyst for improving their own sex lives and
relationship. Some people may feel stifled by
repressive societal attitudes towards sexuality, and
may welcome the opportunity to form friendships and a
new social network with people of like mind. Others
may simply feel that sex should be a natural
possibility in any friendship in which there is mutual
attraction, and so appreciate the relative
open-mindedness and pleasure-positivity with which the
swinging community views this subject. Although the
swinging community is unfortunately not always the
best place right now for het-identified men to explore
their potential bisexuality, it is currently a
relatively good place for het-identified women to
initially explore sex with other women, and this
sometimes plays a role in couples choosing to seek it
out.
In
the past, the swinging community has been somewhat
unaware of or confused by alternative sexual practices
such as BDSM or Tantra. This appears to be changing,
and these days you may find many folks in the swinging
community who are knowledgeable about such things
(though forms of BDSM much more extreme than spanking
or very light bondage may make people uncomfortable,
depending on the club). If you're interested in doing
so and spend enough time meeting different people, you
may actually find that today's swinging community is
becoming a somewhat fertile place to meet folks with a
variety of sexual interests. It is certainly true
right now that the national swinging conventions tend
to host seminars and workshops on a variety of sexual
topics, which seems at least somewhat indicative of
broadening perspectives in the community.
Some
women may find the swinging community to be a welcome
dose of sanity. Our culture can be quite cruel to
women who have an active interest in sex, often
derisively labeling them "sluts" - a term
which stands in sharp contrast to the less derogatory
term for men, "studs". The swinging
community may be especially attractive to these women,
who may feel their sex drives and/or sexual
assertiveness should be appreciated rather than
snickered about or reviled.
Some
people end up learning quite a bit about themselves
and their sexualities through swinging. For example,
most folks find that having their partner actively
enjoy and appreciate what they are experiencing during
sex to be a tremendous turn-on; this is a realization
which may stand in sharp contrast to the attitude that
"performance" is all-important. Swinging can
be an opportunity to learn to relax and appreciate
sexual pleasure, and may help one view sex more as a
source of pleasure and intimacy and less as a social
bargaining chip or ego fuel.
Although
this may vary slightly from club to club, in general
the swinging community is quite accepting of a variety
of body types, sizes, ages, and shapes. Additionally,
many on-premises events provide an opportunity to
dress sexily or go completely nude, which can be a fun
and sensual experience in and of itself.
What
Might I Dislike About Swinging?
If
you are uncomfortable with people being sexually
attracted to you and/or flirting with you, then you
might be uncomfortable at swinging events; similarly,
if your relationship with your partner is on shaky
ground, you might find seeing him or her flirt or be
flirted with to be an uncomfortable experience. If
either of you have hidden agendas concerning finding a
permanent "replacement" for each other,
you're probably in for a major emotional disaster. If
you and your partner cannot communicate directly about
relationships and sex, you're probably eventually in
for a similarly-sized disaster. In general, sex can
provoke strong feelings along with its many pleasures;
if you aren't comfortable dealing with emotions, then
perhaps it might be better to wait a little while
before exploring "the lifestyle."
If
you are bothered by seeing people have sex without
condoms, then you might want to avoid some of the
larger play areas in many on-premises swinger's
events. Although I have never run into a situation in
the swinging community where my requests to use latex
were looked down on in any way, it is certainly true
that not all on-premises clubs require the use of
safer sex precautions. Depending on your experience
with sex-positive communities other than swinging,
seeing others not use latex may be unsettling to you.
You should know what your own standards are with
regard to safer sex, and be willing to articulate them
to new people or couples you are about to have sex
with. If your personal safer sex standards include
using barriers for cunnilingus, then you should be
prepared to do some explaining as not everyone will be
familiar with this practice.
If
you are offended by phobia against bi men, then you
should be prepared to either look for a club that is
more open-minded on this particular issue, wait for
attitudes in the community to change (which I believe
may happen in the next five years or so), or else
attend anyway and make a point of not letting
small-minded comments go unchallenged.
If
you are a single male, you might actually be better
off waiting until you are in a suitable relationship
before attempting to become active in swinging - most
swing clubs allow few if any single men to attend
their events.
General
Hints for Enjoyable Swinging
In
the context of swinging, "couples" need not
be married. They should, however, have at least a
little history together and familiarity with each
others' emotional needs, and be comfortable
approaching others as a "couple." The
general rule of thumb is that swinging works best when
couples view swinging as an enhancement to their
existing sexual relationship, rather than as a
replacement for a failing one.
As
one would expect, good communication is critical in
any attempt at swinging as a couple. There are many,
many different forms that swinging may take, and
whichever one you choose is fine as long as you and
your partner are clear about what you are doing and
why. Sex has the potential to be an
emotionally-charged area, and the pleasures that may
be found in swinging can generally be reached only
when both partners are sensitive to each others'
needs, and put their partner's comfort first. From a
more pragmatic point of view, there will always be
another party, another personal ad, another dance,
another convention; there may not be another chance to
salvage an exploration into swinging if one partner
becomes overwhelmed in "the garden of
delights" and forgets to treat his or her primary
partner with sensitivity and respect.
It's
important to keep in mind that swinging is primarily a
SOCIAL activity. The ordinary social customs of
meeting people and initiating a conversation are
really not that different than at any other type of
social gathering, and the process by which
acquaintances become close friends is not that
different either. The key social traits that tend to
be appreciated in the swinging community are
responsibility, friendliness, flirtatiousness,
open-mindedness, and most importantly stability with
regard to one's primary relationship.
As
is the case with almost all human social endeavors, if
you already know people in a particular community
you'll probably be happier if you attend your first
few events with these people so they can introduce you
to others. Waiting a little while and watching how
others behave is also a good idea, as it is in almost
any new social situation. Common courtesy, of course,
is as welcome in the swinging community as it is in
any other community; we're all just people, after all.
There
are several different styles of swinging which you may
see in the swinging community. Some people may prefer
not to be around when their partner is having sex with
someone else ("closed swinging"), while
others may insist on it ("open swinging").
The term "soft swinging" refers to trading
partners just for the purposes of heavy petting and
then switching back to one's primary partner for any
actual sex. It might be valuable for you to think
about whether there are any potential situations that
you feel you would be more or less comfortable in, and
discuss these with your partner.
Although
not all couples find it necessary to do this, some
couples feel more comfortable having social
"codes" that only the two of them know.
Examples might be discreet phrases or gestures which
mean a) one of you is attracted to the people or
person he or she is talking to and wants to know if
you are interested in swinging with them, b) a reply
to the above, either affirmatively or negatively, and
c) one of you is not having a good time and wants to
get away from things for a while.
At
off-premises events such as dances, it's common for
people to dress up or else wear fairly sexy clothing.
Dress at on-premises events tends to be more casual,
since nudity is a common outcome of the evening for
many. At on-premises clubs it's a good idea to bring
something like a robe so you don't have to put all
your clothes back on after sex, and to avoid wearing
lots of jewelry that might get lost. If there's a
dress theme for a particular event, go with the theme.
By
the way, it is not necessary to actually have sex with
other people to have a good time in the swinging
community. Off-premises activities such as dances can
provide a wonderful opportunity to flirt and be
flirted with in a non-threatening yet sexually-charged
atmosphere, which can be fun in and of itself.
On-premises activities can provide an opportunity to
appreciate the sights and sounds of sex as an
enhancement to sex with your primary partner, whether
you two decide to have sex at the party or after the
party.
Enjoying
House Parties and Other On-Premises Events
Since
you may have the opportunity to get physically close
with one or more folks during the course of the
evening, it's probably a good idea to take a shower,
brush your teeth, and (if necessary) shave before
showing up. If you like to use your fingers inside
your partners as part of sex, don't forget to clip
your fingernails short.
Even
if you're a regular, it's usually polite to make a
party reservation rather than just "dropping
in", and to cancel your reservation if you can't
keep it. For parties in peoples' homes, it's usually
polite to ask if there is anything you can bring (e.g.
chips or beverages). Arrive on time, and if you are
part of a couple be sure you arrive together as a
couple.
Generally
the host and/or hostess will fill new couples in about
party rules and etiquette, often as part of an
orientation to their club. The Jacuzzi or hot tub, if
there is one, is a good place to get involved in
friendly conversations; most folks at swinging events
are more than happy to answer questions and talk about
their experience of the lifestyle.
It's
a good idea for couples to stick together at the party
unless they both agree that they'd like to mingle or
play separately for a while; if one partner just
wanders off, the other may feel abandoned or jealous.
If you DO need to have a serious relationship
discussion or argument with your partner, however,
it's considered polite to do so away from the party in
a more private area. In general, if a bedroom or other
space is being used for sex it's considered impolite
to carry on loud or extraneous conversations in it
that might distract others.
The
tradition at some on-premises clubs and party houses
is for one of the larger rooms to be for the
"group scene." Depending on the club some
rules of etiquette may be slightly relaxed here; it
might be assumed OK for someone to touch you unless or
until you say no. Again, this completely depends on
the club. Opening closed doors to bedroom areas and
then just staring at whatever is going on is usually
considered pretty rude, and men will have more fun in
ANY of the party's play areas if their female partner
is with them (some clubs actually have rules about men
going into the "group scene" area without
their female partner). If at some point during the
evening you decide to wash up, be careful not to use
somebody else's towel or washcloth on your eyes or
genitals (this should just be common sense).
Using
alcohol to excess is a poor idea, especially if you or
your partner are just getting into swinging. Many
non-swingers have their first quasi-swinging
experiences when they are heavily intoxicated, and
then regret what they did the next day or blame the
alcohol for what they freely chose to do; try to make
your experience different from this.
But
without question, the most important suggestion I can
offer is to always keep track of where you're at, and
only do what you want to do. If you don't want to
swing with someone, just say no tactfully and
courteously. You always have the right to say no to
anything, and if someone doesn't take no for an answer
you should tell the party host immediately. In
swinging, sometimes you will be told, "No, thank
you." When this happens, just accept it
graciously and don't inquire as to "Why
not?"
Dealing
with Jealousy
There
are many different opinions about jealousy - several
of the books recommended at the end of this guide
devote considerable attention to the topic.
An
interesting dynamic can sometimes arise in couples new
to swinging, a dynamic which has inspired the
community adage that "the more enthusiastic
member of a couple will get the couple into swinging,
but the less enthusiastic partner will keep them
there." As Carol Queen puts it in Exhibitionism
for the Shy,
"The
swing community has noticed another prevalent
dynamic in couples where one partner, more often
than not the man, has more enthusiasm than the
other. He has had terrific fantasies about
freewheeling sex and plenty of it, and he finally
convinces his initially reluctant partner to give
swinging a try. When they get to the party, she has
a great time and is high demand, while he thinks the
party's a dud... Before you pack up your sexy outfit
and fistful of condoms, take some time to consider
and negotiate how you will deal with the chagrin of
the less popular partner if such a dismaying event
happens to you."
In
other words, some jealousy may spring from insecurity:
if I'm worried that I'm not valuable enough to keep my
primary partner's interest and love, or that fewer
people will be interested in playing with me than with
my primary partner, I may be more apt to get jealous.
For the latter case, some of these fears may be
alleviated by choosing, at least initially, to only
swing together as a couple; this way neither partner
can be left out.
Sometimes
jealousy may spring from feelings of scarcity rather
than feelings of insecurity: the fear is that
"there's only so much love and so much pleasure
and so much intimacy to go around." With this in
mind, I'd like to quote from the NASCA Guide to
Swinging,
"The
Myth of the Scarcity of Love is the popular belief
that 'love is scarce,' which encourages hoarding.
Hoarding, in turn, created the very scarcity that
was feared to begin with. The myth's premises are
that each of us has a very limited amount of love to
give, spend, or sell; that if this is divided among
several people, each will get less; that love can be
saved; and that in order to be valuable, true love
must be exclusive."
If
you enjoy good literature and want to explore this
idea in more depth, take the time to read a short
story by Amy Bloom entitled "Love Is Not a
Pie" (published in her Come
to Me: Stories collection). But just as food
for thought for the time being, you might consider a
question which Dr. Deborah Anapol poses in Polyamory:
The New Love Without Limits: "Imagine a
culture in which your partner's attraction to another
signified opportunities for greater pleasure and
intimacy; would jealousy occur in this context?"
I honestly don't know the answer to this question, but
for me swinging has been part of the inquiry.
To
end this section on a more practical note, many
couples find that the secrets to dealing with jealousy
tend to revolve around good communication, keeping
agreements, reassuring each other as to your love and
commitment before and after playing with someone new,
and listening to each other's emotional concerns and
taking them seriously whenever they arise. If jealousy
becomes an issue for you and your partner, you might
try working on some or all of these things.
Of
Interest to Men...
By
including these warnings I do not mean to imply that
all or even most men would ever act like this; chances
are if you're still reading this document you already
have a healthy social sense and wouldn't think to
misbehave in these ways. But anyway, here goes...
Attempting
to hire an escort or sex worker to go to a swinging
event with you, if you don't have a regular female
partner, just so you can get in the door is a terribly
poor idea; this is considered inappropriate at every
club I have ever heard of, is generally sufficient to
get you black-listed, and is a ruse that is highly
likely to be noticed by others. A related concept is
taking along someone who isn't really your primary
partner and isn't really interested in swinging; such
folks are called "tickets" (i.e. you just
used them as a "ticket" to get in the door),
and this practice isn't looked upon favorably either.
If
you want nothing more than to see your female partner
have sex with another woman, you will probably be
better off forgetting about it until she brings it up;
wandering around by yourself attempting to find a
woman who wants to have sex with her, or otherwise
trying to push this personal choice into happening, is
considered quite crass.
Finally,
please remember to converse with both members of a
couple you and your partner are interested in, not
just the partner you are interested in having sex
with; ultimately it's your ability to form friendships
with COUPLES which will determine the quality of your
experience in the swinging community.
Using
Personal Ads
It's
an unfortunate fact that many ads in swinger's
publications seem to have nothing to do with swinging
at all. Ads that ask for money, even discreetly, or
which mention "generosity" are almost
certainly ads from sex workers rather than swingers.
Other ads are from individuals who are basically being
dishonest, perhaps claiming to be part of a couple
when they aren't. Amidst all this, however, you can
usually find some ads that end up being from actual
swingers who are sincerely interested in meeting other
singles or couples.
In
general, you will probably waste less time by placing
an ad than by responding to ads. When writing your
personal ad, it's important to be clear and honest
about what your requirements are. You may find it
helpful to first obtain a P.O. Box and a voice mail
box which aren't traceable to your real name or home
address; it's also a good idea to arrange the first
meeting with someone new to be in a neutral and/or
public place, so that if things don't seem to be going
well you'll be able to leave easily and nobody new
will know where you live.
Ultimately,
however, if you have swing clubs (whether on- or off-
premises) in your area you will probably be better off
meeting swingers through them than through personal
ads.
Keeping
Yourself and Your Partner Healthy
Introduction
Each
sex-positive community in this country has had a
different response to the AIDS crisis, and in the face
of a very frightening disease it is hard for me to
fault people for acting irrationally sometimes.
However, I believe the time has come for a more
intelligent, pleasure-positive, and long-term response
to STDs (of all kinds) than "excluding bisexual
men," "inquiring about sexual histories and
hoping for the truth," "trying to reassure
yourself about how few people in your community you
think are infected right now," "stigmatizing
anal play," etc.
Learning
to use latex and water-based lube skillfully may take
a little practice, and ultimately it is up to you and
your partner whether you will follow some or all the
precautions I'm going to describe. However, try to
keep in mind some of the payoffs: increased protection
from disease, increased peace of mind, increased
protection against pregnancy when another form of
birth control (such as the pill) fails, and greater
ease in interacting with younger swingers who may have
never known a time when they haven't felt it necessary
to use latex.
The
Basics
Put
simply, the single most effective thing you can do to
stay healthy when swinging is to use latex condoms for
intercourse; this practice is now extremely common in
the swinging community, and is often expected.
All
condoms are not made alike; men should experiment with
different brands until they find the one they like
best (my preference is Kimono MicroThins, which also
taste fine for fellatio if you get them without
Nonoxynol-9). When you put on a condom, pinch its tip
as you unroll it (all the way down!) to prevent an air
bubble from forming in the reservoir tip. For
intercourse, you should then put some water-based lube
(such as I-D, ForPlay, Wet, or Astroglide) on the
outside of the condom for comfort, mutual pleasure,
and to keep the condom from tearing during sex.
For
a while, health experts were recommending that people
use condoms and water-based lubes with Nonoxynol-9 to
help guard against HIV transmission; current evidence
suggests that, in the real world, N-9 is not nearly as
good at HIV prevention as it has proved to be at
contraception. Also, many women are allergic or
sensitive to N-9, and it tastes horrid. For these
reasons I only purchase products without N-9, but of
course the choice is yours.
It
should be obvious that a new condom needs to be put on
for each new partner. If you're going to switch from
anal intercourse to vaginal intercourse, you should
also put on a new condom (doing otherwise can cause
vaginal infections - similarly, you shouldn't put any
fingers that used to be in an anus in a vagina without
first washing your hands with hot water and
anti-bacterial soap).
Some
men find that more sensation is transmitted to them if
they put a drop of water-based lube in the tip of
their condom before putting it on.
Oral
Sex
Opinions
differ on the use of safer-sex barriers for oral sex.
It is clear that herpes can be easily transmitted
during unprotected oral sex, but some people argue
that if herpes sores aren't visible on either partner
and neither partner believes he or she is infectious,
that the risk of transmission is low. There ARE
recorded cases of HIV being transmitted via oral sex,
but many swingers dismiss this concern because the
risk of transmission via this route is apparently low,
and because (in their opinion) HIV is not widespread
in their community. Ultimately, it is up to each of us
to set our personal standards for risk, and it is not
my place to dictate what yours should be.
If
you choose not to use barriers when performing oral
sex, you can make things safer for yourself by not
having flossed your teeth immediately before the party
(which can make the gums less able to keep pathogens
out of the bloodstream), by not letting men come in
your mouth, by not performing cunnilingus on a woman
while she is menstruating, and by knowing what herpes
sores look like (herpes transmission is most likely
when either sores or the tingling sensation that
precedes the sores is present).
If
you decide your personal standards include using
barriers for oral sex, this will mean using latex
condoms for fellatio (choose a brand without
Nonoxynol-9) and either saran wrap or one of those
"Glyde" or "Lixx" oral sex
barriers for cunnilingus (put a drop of water-based
lube on your partner's side of the barrier to increase
the sensation transmitted to her).
The
use of barriers for oral sex is not widespread in the
swinging community, but if you and your partner decide
your safer sex standards include using them you'll
probably find that the concept is not that difficult
to explain to people.
Hands
If
you've had your fingers in someone's vagina or ass, or
had someone come on your hands, it's a good idea to
wash your hands with hot water and anti-bacterial soap
before touching your eyes or genitals (or anybody
else's).
If
you're planning on doing a lot of play with your
fingers in someone's ass, or if you want to avoid
having to constantly leave for the bathroom to wash
your hands, you might try latex
"examination" gloves (available at most drug
stores); just use a new set of gloves when switching
from one person to another or when switching from
someone's anus to their vagina, just as you would with
condoms. Of course, whether you use gloves or not,
some water- based lube will make everything that you
do inside your partner feel better for him or her.
Using
latex gloves is currently even less common than using
barriers for oral sex (except when it comes to anal
play), but in my experience most people who are
aroused and attracted to you will happily go along
with almost any safety standard or emotional need you
articulate as long as they think they're going to get
sex as a result.
Safer
Sex Kits
It's
helpful to get a little hip pack for your safer-sex
supplies, your small bottle of water-based lube,
pieces of paper to write your name and phone number
on, and anything else you commonly need. Although
safer-sex supplies are provided at some parties, it's
still nice to know that you have with you the supplies
and brands you prefer. Also, having what you need with
you at all times will make it MUCH easier for you to
maintain whatever safer-sex standards you have chosen.
Vaccinations
You
may be interested in knowing that a permanent vaccine
is available for hepatitis B. If you're planning on
spending a lot of time in the swinging community (or
any other lifestyle potentially involving lots of sex
with different people), it might be worth your time to
get this vaccination.
The
History and Future of Swinging
Swinging
dates back to the 1950's. Initially, personal ads were
the only way to meet people in this particular
lifestyle; the first organization to be open about
swinging was the Sexual Freedom League (in Berkeley,
California during the 1960's). Eventually, an umbrella
organization called the North American Swing Club
Association (NASCA) was formed to promote accurate
information about the lifestyle all across the
country.
Currently
the internet is becoming an alternative to printed
personal ads, and a variety of large swinger's
conventions are being held every year. Popular
conventions include "Lifestyles" (the
largest and most well-known), "Wind and
Waves", "Campout", "Northwest
Celebration", and "Visions".
My
best guess as to the future is that as more people in
this country begin to think of themselves as
"open-minded" and "sex-positive",
as our response to STDs becomes more rational, as more
people from other sex-positive communities begin to
explore swinging, and as more bisexual men in the
swinging community "come out", the swinging
community will grow and begin to attract a new
generation of sexually adventurous enthusiasts. I
suspect that the size and influence of the annual
swinging conventions will continue to grow, and also
suspect that "cyber-space" alternatives to
real-life swinging (involving interactive video,
sound, etc.) will become increasingly popular.
Resources
Other
Organizations and Web Pages
Lifestyles:
(714) 821-9953
Lifestyles is the nation's largest swinging
convention, held annually. Everyone I've known who
attended had a wonderful time.
Loving
More: (800) 424-9561
The Loving More organization publishes a magazine,
also named Loving More, on the topic of
multi-partner relationships. The emphasis is on
long-term relationships. They also offer and publicize
books, tapes, and conferences on responsible
non-monogamy. If you find this magazine of interest,
you might also enjoy browsing the Polyamory
FAQ Page and the NFNC
Page.
Society
for Human Sexuality
This web page contains a wealth of information on many
different forms of sexuality, along with resource
guides and reading lists.
Swing
Club Directories
NASCA's
List: (714) 229-4870
STD
Testing, Birth Control, and Other Concerns
San
Francisco Sex Information: (415) 989-SFSI
San Francisco Sex Information (SFSI) is a free
telephone hotline. It is staffed by knowledgeable and
non-judgmental volunteers who can answer most if not
all of the sexuality-related questions you might have
both sensitively and anonymously.
Planned
Parenthood: (800) 230-PLAN
This number can refer you to a local Planned
Parenthood clinic for birth control options.
National
STD Hotline: (800) 227-8922
Call this number if you have questions about STDs or
about where to obtain testing or treatment in your
area. When choosing a clinic to be tested at, it's
important to select one which offers the full range of
STD tests in addition to the HIV test - hopefully
including the blood test for herpes - and which allows
your HIV test to be anonymous rather than merely
confidential.
Safer
Sex Supplies and Sex Toys
Good
Vibrations: (800) BUY-VIBE
A great place to order sex toys, safer sex supplies,
books, and videos.
Toys
in Babeland: (800) 658-9119
Another great place to order sex toys, books, and
videos.
Books
Bar
nothing, the best book written so far on the subject
of swinging is Terry Gould's new book The
Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers.
The
Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine
Liszt contains excellent information for anyone
interested in non-monogamous relationships of any kind
(essentially, you read the Gould book to get the
theory, and the Easton/Liszt book to get the
practice). Polyamory:
The New Love Without Limits by Deborah Anapol
also contains valuable information, with an emphasis
on long-term relationships.
People
interested in hosting sex parties (of any kind) would
probably benefit from reading the relevant sections of
Sapphistry
by Pat Califia and Real
Live Nude Girl by Carol Queen, as well as the
"Group-Sex Hostess" chapter of Women
of the Light: The New Sexual Healers. Anyone
interested in becoming less inhibited and enjoying sex
more would probably benefit from Exhibitionism
for the Shy by Carol Queen, and those folks
who feel the need to brush up on sexual physiology,
sex toys, and sex techniques could probably get a lot
out of The
New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex by Cathy
Winks and Anne Semans.
Men
concerned with "performance" issues would
probably benefit from reading The
Erotic Mind by Jack Morin and/or The
Multi-Orgasmic Man by Mantak Chia. Couples
interested in exploring BDSM as part of sex could
probably get a lot out of Sensuous
Magic by Pat Califia. Couples interested in
exploring ways of having sex that can lead to extended
orgasmic states but which don't require erections may
enjoy reading ESO
by Alan and Donna Brauer.
A
more extensive reading list can be found in The
New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex and on the Society
for Human Sexuality web page.
Copyright
© 1998 Society
for Human Sexuality. All rights reserved.
See
also: About Us,
An
Erotica Guide, Anna Marti,
Betty Dodson,
Books/Resources,
Erotic Massage,
Erotic Talk,
Flirting,
G-Spot Play,
Hosting Erotic Events,
Jack Morin,
Laura Antoniou,
Library Index,
Local Events,
Matchmaking,
NightOwl,
Other Cities,
Our Mailing Lists,
Penetration,
Philanthropy,
Polyamory,
Portland,
Primer,
Reviews,
Safer Sex,
San Francisco,
Seattle,
Sex Toys,
SM, Swing Community,
Swinging,
Tantra,
Vancouver,
Vena Blanchard,
Video Rentals,
What's New
[Home]
|
