The most common area that breaks down for most of us in long-term relationships is the sexuality. We build up internal resentments over time from our unresolved disagreements. Previous issues from programming we received from parents, culture, and relationships before we found one another sneak up on us and shut us down. We move apart; eventually we fall apart.

     Many times we reach "the brick wall"; and communication breaks down completely. Our responses are now totally reactionary and continue to disintegrate. As the tide of resentments continue to swell, our thoughts move to other people and outside experiences. We try to recover that feeling of excitement, joy and bliss that once were there in the relationship long ago when our romance was new. Many times the thoughts become deeds, and then the sneaking, secrecy and lies begin.

    We’re all psychic and feel what the other tries to conceal. Even though we don’t speak the lies, the betrayed party knows. The gap widens; the barrier to intimacy becomes complete. Lovemaking goes from infrequently to never. Sometimes the underlying guilt manifests itself in impotence and other forms of sexual dysfunction. When we’ve reached the end, our only hope is honesty.

     Unfortunately, most of us do not have the tools to communicate deeply and honestly. The fears of what we don’t want to create tend to backfire on us and create just that; and life becomes our worst nightmare. The truth comes out in hideous fashion. Or worst yet, lies continues and we’re subject to serving out sentences we imposed on one another.

     How long will your sentence last? How much can you endure?

     All-Chakra living means communicating on all levels: mind, body and soul. Sasha and I can literally tell one another anything that we are thinking. If we have an attraction for another, we express it. Issues unexpressed have a way of becoming demonic and coming out in inappropriate ways.

    If we have a desire, we work on ways to satisfy them; although perhaps not in the exact way as envisioned by the person, we move in the direction that feels comfortable for both of us. Decisions are unanimous and joint. If something doesn’t work for one of us, it doesn’t work for either of us. There are three entities in all our decision making: Janet, Sasha and the relationship, which we value and cherish above anything else.

     For if WE aren’t working, nothing else in life seems to work. Everything else suffers: our joy, our jobs, our health, our life.

     Yes, even our life. When life isn’t lived authentically from truth and honesty, the stress from the emotional repression many times creates being ill-at-ease (dis-ease). Repressed resentments and anger often lead to cancer; heart-ache can lead to heart-attacks.

     Many counselors try to keep couples together at all costs. Yet actually, sometimes the kindest decision is to part--even if there are children, economic considerations and a million other excuses to stay together.

     Everyone deserves a full-chakra life. If you find your relationship lacking in one of these areas, do something about it. Become conscious and discover ways to expand your connection; find things in common and develop them in those areas for one another. There are many models for conflict resolution. Get outside help if necessary. Find something that works for you. Go to seminars, therapy, church counselors, whatever it takes. If the love is strong, do it--for the love is worth it.

     Finally, if you have discovered that you have completed your developmental tasks together and there are no new goals that you share--that you’ve reached a point where the lies are too big to overcome--where you find the resentments too deep to heal and the hurts outweigh the amount of love that you have, then set each other free. That may be the highest expression of love.

     Allow yourselves a fresh start, love again, correct the wrongs you’ve done and stop punishing yourselves. You deserve a full life, an all-chakra life. You have the ability create it!

    It’s never too late even though you may think it is. When Sasha and I found each other it was after two long-term, failed marriages for each of us. I was well over 40 and he over 50 when we united and embarked on our life of bliss. It wasn’t easy for either of us. Our journey was a long road of working on ourselves, doing our family-of-origin work, healing our internal wounds from previous relationships and becoming conscious through therapy, seminars, reading and self-education. And it ain’t over yet!

     Relationships are a process; and Sasha and I are conscious enough to recognize that and commit to it. We are devoted to one another and have pledged to be there to continue our healing. If things get to be "over our heads," we, the "professional relationship counselors," will swallow our pride and seek help outside ourselves to gain clarity. When we need to we go to see Drs. Hal and Sidra Stone in Albion, California for Voice Dialoguing, and that lets us come again to center. All of us are capable of not being able to see the forest for the trees. It's difficult when we're "in" it; so sometimes we need help to step outside ourselves to focus. Hal and Sidra are a great help.

     We now have new models of relating with open, honest, clear and authentic communication. Living an orgasmic life is not only possible for all; it’s our birthright. Therapy and counseling are today’s tools for healing relationships and personal wounds--just like medicine has been used to heal diseases and physical wounds.

     Tantra reunites our souls in ancient ways, combining sexuality and spirituality. We return now to our source, forging beyond the veil of forgetfulness, moving past our skin encapsulated bodies, completing our divine union, remembering the LOVE which is all there really is.

Photos of a Tantric Date