Everything in life is spiritual, from meditation to bowel movements. There is no reason to fear that your activities lack spirituality. However, humans have the natural tendency to trust pain more than joy. They tend not to trust the validity of the senses, and thus the world is not wholly valid and sometimes may be regarded with the cavalier attitude of any illusion.
Non-validation of pleasant senses limits the soulís ability to experience its full essence and often the ego is only willing to experience negative sensual impact as valid. There is often a deeply held belief that nothing the body does can be "good, "and so positive experience must be regarded as intrusive, therefore negative. While pain may have great value to a soulís growth, it is only part of a very wide spectrum of experiences that can be instructive and allow a soul to grow.
Denial of sensual experience can lead to pain while totality of the senses can contribute significantly to true intimacy. There is no error in the senses as each person senses in a matter that is appropriate to them.
In other words, honor yourself, donít let anyone use their teachings and dogma to deny to yourself that which you know is true. By doing so you condemn yourself to a catch-22 situation, denying your instincts and feelings for no other reason than you have failed to subjugate yourself to a code of behavior that is inappropriate to what you experience and know deep down inside is real for you. In other words, follow your bliss.
Take the time each week to honor all of your senses. Senses are the keys to physical plane perceptions. The Earth is the plane of creation. Humans combine normally unrelated items into beautiful and usable forms using art, manufacturing, engineering, architecture, etc. Tantra is about appreciation of all the genius, thought, energy and creativity that go into everything we use in our lives, our cars, homes, glass, toothpaste, etc.
Notice the divinity of the creative force that runs through us. Take a moment to think about how miraculous it is that something as beautiful as making love, which is "perfection" in itself, is also the creative channel whereby we can create life. We are like miniature Gods, and yet how often do we incorporate consciousness into our creations?
Imagine how incredible the world would be if we only stopped and did one area in our lives consciously--consciously conceive and raise our children?
Conscious conception was the original main focus of Tantra. With overpopulation leading to environmental crisis, soon our planet will be at a point where we cannot recover, if things are left unchecked. Perhaps now more than ever we can see the wisdom of only inviting souls into the physical who will be wanted, loved, honor and respected, cared for in the manner that they deserve, so that all of us can have the highest quality of life imaginable.
Tantra Techniques on an Ongoing Basis
Tantra is an attitude of acceptance, tolerance, love and cooperation. Every act becomes a divine meditation, from rocketing to Mars, singing an opera, working your job, washing a car, changing a diaper, to scrubbing the john.
Every part of your body, mind and soul participates in tantra, as illustrated in the segments that follow.
The Breath of Life
In yoga terminology breathing means pranayama; air is prana or life force. When you breathe, in addition to receiving life-supporting oxygen, you ingest the vital life force.
Shallow breathing reflects a state of low-grade anxiety and other traumas and sometimes by simply breathing longer and deeper individuals can unlock hidden emotions and begin a path of health.
Expand your lung capacity through activities such as yoga, exercise and swimming. Yoga teaches you to focus on the breath and move your body in specific ways which stretch and allow more room in your lungs.
Come together with you lover, twice daily if you can. Align chakras and look into each othersí eyes. Consciously share breath, syncopate air to create awareness of how you stop your breath entirely or breathe too shallow. Move your Tantric sexual energies to orgasm, encourage sound and deep breathing, allow the expression of emotions, create healing and deepen your connection with your beloved.
Sight is the most developed sense for humans, just as smell is for dogs and sound is for whales. However, we tend to be a busy species and just as we sometimes need to stop and smell the roses, we need to slow down and truly see.
Take the time for flowers, rainbows, sunrises and sunsets. Go out in nature, embrace the panorama. Sit down in the leaves. Watch the ants in their toils.
Look in the eyes of those you meet each day, both loved ones and strangers. Take the time to see their souls. Notice the incredible beauty of each and every one of them. Smile. See their radiance grow.
Take your lovers face in your hands. Kiss their nose then press foreheads together until the two eyes become one, even if time only allows you one moment. These simple things will make life rich for you and everyone around you.
Notice the emotions of those around you. Stop. Pay attention. Yes, thatís it. The energy is noticeable, palatable, you can feel it. Sometimes its so thick you could slice it with a knife. Others so high and supercharged, its contagious.
Inquire. "How do you feel today?" Encourage communications. Listen, emphasize, care. You donít have to be a shrink to do some good for another. Intention is more valid than anything else you could do.
dump your own crap on others. See what load they may be carrying before
you burden them with your stuff as well. Be careful not to take on more
than you can handle, too! Itís a delicate dance of boundaries and
sharing, but I know you can master it.
Spend time walking nude throughout your house. You may choose to have someone guide you or blindfold yourself so you can better focus on sensations. Feel the textures on your feet and skin. Notice the patterns of air present in your house, where warm mixes with cold. Go around the house and feel all the fabrics, wood, metal, carpet, fur, plants. Put different parts of your body on things. Sit on a wood chair, a cushion, a stair. Get down on your hands and knees and crawl. Notice what parts of your body are most sensitive to impact with other things.
Stand back to back with your beloved. Move your spines in a dance, first soft, then slow, changing rhythm, rising and falling. Take turns leading. Pretend backs are talking to each.
Sit facing a partner. Close your eyes. Take turns feeling each others faces. Notice the textures, contours, curves, feel the hair. Explore each others entire body this way. Develop sensitivity in your fingers and flesh as you invite your consciousness to join one to the other.
Massage does wonders for the body and soul. It releases chemicals and promotes friendship. Volunteer to rub shoulders and feet, without agendas.
A friend in Pittsburgh recently introduced massage at the old age home where he volunteers. He had everyone who could sit in chairs in a row and massage one anothersí shoulders and necks, then reverse and massage in the other direction. Many cried because they literally had not been touched, other than clinically, for many, many years.
Those who were bedridden or in wheelchairs were approached one by one and given neck and shoulder massages. Even they, if they could, returned the favor. For they found it was important to not only receive, but give. The loving act of doing massages actually strengthened hands and in some cases, healed hands, proving to many the miracle of the powerful healing affect of love.
As always in tantra, ask permission before you touch anyone or approach too close in their personal space. Set the standards of the massage up front. Ask permission before you touch an area that may be deemed personal.
Kiss Me, You Fool!
Itís certainly foolish not to kiss, yet couples Sasha and I interview in our practice tend to give kissing up once the romance gets old. In most cultures, kissing is an acceptable public display of affection. You can even kiss in front of the kids! In fact, if you kiss in front of your children, you provide an excellent model of how love and romance can stay alive, even when youíve been through so much and been together so long.
In tantra itís recommended that couples minimally connect twice a day. Yet sometimes life is so hectic, thereís hardly the time or the place to align chakras, breathe or make love. Kissing allows you the intimacy you need. Slow down, look in each othersí eyes, breathe together, align chakras and move energy.
Kiss frequently during the day to maintain that feeling of being connected.
Titillating Tempting Tastes
What you chose to eat is a very personal decision bearing in mind all the relevant facts of the demands of your activities, culture and environment. Consider that enjoyment is a part of nourishment as well as dietary elements. Meals are not merely consumed to feed, they are occasions for communication, celebration and togetherness.
The more enjoyable the food and the company is, the more convivial the meal is apt to be. Limiting a diet to only "healthy" things without savoring, tasting and gratifying the senses is to miss a good part of validating the senses, which is part of the reason we are here in the physical plane in the first place. Validation of senses brings to bear access to self-intimacy. Give yourself a break from the diet once in a while and indulge.
For lovers especially, preparing, eating together, sharing food and feeding one another can be extremely erotic and sensual. Allow your lover to feed you flavors that floor you as they adore you. Who can ever forget that incredibly sexy food scene in the movie Tom Jones? If you havenít seen it, rent it!
Some morning before you open your eyes, pause to hear the sounds. Today when I did so, it was incredibly delightful, as spring birds celebrated the rising sun. That incredible bird chorus could put angels to shame.
As an experiment, devote an hour each day for a week without the stimulus of radio, TV, mechanical instruments, etc. Perhaps find a nice tree to nestle and sit in the park. Notice how well you really hear and how adept you have become at selecting what you give hearing priorities and what you chose to tune out.
Of course the most beautiful sounds you can share is the words of your lover. Listening and being listened to is the best way to display friendship to your beloveds. Periodically show your interest and that you understand by repeating back the highlights and logic of their conversation in your own words. Express what emotions you imagine they feel to validate your empathy.
When you make love, sing orgasmic songs together. Women, hit operatic high notes as you come. Men roar as you release.
Be conscious of odors of the body. Rather than masking with strong scents that others may not like and some be allergic to, washing frequently may help. Brush your teeth.
Surround yourself with sweet smells that help you surrender to ecstasy. Close your eyes and invite your lover to treat you to an odiferous odyssey as she or he carefully concocts aromas that arouse.
Meditations in Motion
Maintain and manage your temple with motion. Exercise is crucial to balance the intake of calories. Combine exercise with opportunities to meet others. Dance, yoga, health spas, sports are excellent places to begin romances.
Take long romantic walks with your lover. Get out into nature, hike, bike, swim, ski. Exercise expels negative energies and sidetracks tendencies for depression. Perhaps more than pills you need exercise to maintain chemical balance and release tensions.
Vip, Vim and Vigor leads to Vitality. Use that increased energy that exercise gives you in your lovemaking. Now that you can maintain an erection and go all night without ejaculating and falling asleep, you need the additional stamina that exercises provides to make love and last till the rooster crows.
Mindful Meditations, Power of Prayer, Soliloquy of Silence
Meditation and Prayer reflect a desire for communion with God (or whatever you choose to call the powers of higher consciousness). Prayer or meditation neednít follow any particular structure nor thought of as pleading or begging. A prayer is your ability to directly communicate with higher powers and you were born with this ability and have all you need for this communication and need no intermediary.
Everyone prays even when there is no realization of the process as you are continuously in communication with the Creator. The chatter in your heart and mind is prayer and this automatic process of prayer brings whatever it finds your mind focusing on into your life.
It takes more than "thinking positively" to create a positive outcome. Living tantrically means taking an honest look at the hurts inside your heart to cleanse negative thoughts and feelings you may harbor towards others. The words spoken in the outer must agree with the inner. Your automatic prayers will always produce the very conditions it finds in your inner heart and mind. What you think of others becomes the prayer for yourself first. Inner grumblings and complaints are prayers which bring those very conditions to your life.
Prayer takes many forms, through images, words, music, song, painting. While listening to music, allow your mind to build images of happiness. The feelings your images create become your request. When you worry, you are automatically praying for the very thing you donít want.
Be grateful for what you have. Gratitude is prayer. Notice abundance that others have and be grateful for what is given to them can also be given to you for there are no shortages in Universal abundance. Appreciate what you have, things, friendships, family.
God doesnít need prayer, you do. You need ritual, prayer and meditation to remind yourself of your connection to the spiritual world and to feel your oneness.
Come together with your beloved in sacred, loving rituals to focus your mind and heart and set your intentions to create what you desire. There is power in your thoughts that come from your minds and heart. The energy you harness is how you communicate with God and has been given many names; kundalini, electrical energy, power of the mind, vibrational power, etc. To channel the energy of prayer and give your prayers power requires concentration, thought, clarity and certainty.
Good Works, Good Deeds
Living tantrically means expressing love for humanity, animals and the planet. Begin in your own back yard. If you wish someone well, show them with direct contact such as a call, email, letter. Volunteering to work in a local charity may be a more effective expression of love than giving money at expensive luncheons for social prestige. Donating blood to directly alleviate someoneís suffering may be more effective than protesting political decisions without any workable means to access those who need alleviation from suffering. Although protesting and funding public charities are fine examples of altruism as well.
Environmentally you may not be able to stop the rainforest from being destroyed, but you certainly can plant trees in your yard or community, conserve energy in your home, combine errands to save gas and recycle one or two items, such as newspaper, plastic, or compost on a regular basis in your home. Perhaps most important personally practice conscious conception and childrearing and encourage (donít preach), family and friends to do the same. Overpopulation affects all of the above. Weíre running out of clean water and air. The conditions that result from too many people promote disease and viral mutations that could wipe out most of humanity, if not all.
Celebrate Shadows Too
What is repressed soon becomes demonic. Allow your "demons" a day out once in a while. Humans celebrate Halloween, Mardi Gras and other holidays of dark forces which fun and harmless while allowing us to be "nasty" for a day.
We all have shadow selves which are a part of us and need expression in order not to take us over. Give them their day as well.
Talk dirty when you make love sometimes. Just because youíre tantric now and have learned to make love more sweetly doesnít mean it isnít fun to get down and dirty too. Get out the whips and chains, play out a fantasy, make up a story of dragons, dark warlords and fair maidens.
Allow anger to express itself. If you are in a dark or foul mood, tell your partner you need them to put on their "therapist" hat for a while and create the time to express and emote. Use the numerous exercises covered in this to communicate and heal negativity or create your own ways to allow anger, hatred, fear, pain and all the so-called "bad" emotions to come out, even if they are about you. After all, those emotions are part of the human condition too.
Left inside, emotions will fester and boil and ruin your entire ecology. Avoid putting band-aids on issues. Sure if time wonít allow it, you can bookmark the incident till a more appropriate time and location, but do go back and address it. Get a third-party or professional to help if it is too big for you to handle, but get help. Staying emotionally healthy is essential for you and your relationship.
Tantric Practices While Doing Other Activities
Every time you stop at a traffic light, do your Keagles. Squeeze your PC muscles. Keagles are healthy practices too that strengthen your pelvic muscles and can help you from becoming incontinent.
Deal with Othersí Attitudes and Preconceptions about Tantric Sex
It never ceases to amaze me all the preconceived notions surrounding tantra which tend to focus on only the sexual aspects of tantra and fail to recognize that tantra involves whole people, not just their genitals. Unless people connect heart to heart first before they engage in sex, they are having sex, not Tantric Sex.
Some seem to be terrified of tantra. When Iíve asked some of my clients why they are afraid of sex or why their mates wonít come in with them to class, they answer things like they thought if they attend a seminar or class, they are going to be required to get naked in public. Some think they will have to have sex at seminars. Others believe they would have to engage in public orgies or swap their partners with others.
It seems the lines between tantra, sex, love, polyamory and swinging have all become blurred and combined into one package for some people.
One can be polyamorous or a swinger and not practice tantra. Tantric people can be monogamous, single, polyamorous or swingers. A person can have sex without love and love without sex, but in order to practice tantra, one traditionally combines sex and love.
Some people tell me that they think tantra isnít moral. I looked up morals and ethics in the dictionary.
Morals - of or relating to principals of considerations of right and wrong action or good and bad character. Habits of life or conduct of an individual or culture.
Ethics - the discipline of dealing with what is good and bad or right and wrong with moral duty and obligation.
According to the dictionary, morals and ethics appear to mean about the same thing and the definitions donít really explain what actions or deeds are "good" or "bad," "right" or "wrong," etc.
What I tell people when they raise the morality question is that I believe it is immoral to lie, cheat, steal, murder, or to disrespect, disregard or destroy the freedom of another human being or their right to love and security. War is immoral because it denies people their basic rights.
In my opinion, morality involves honoring consciousness and choices. One must not impose ideas or their will on another or attempt to manipulate, control, cloud, confuse, obfuscate or brainwash. All attempts to dominate or make another feel "less than", such as rape, incest, molestation, prejudice, bigotry, racism, sexism would fall in this category.
Many times morality is used as cultural terrorism as practiced by those already in authority for the purpose of enforcing their standards as a means of control. Morality is often a more socially acceptable word for bigotry and intolerance, turning those who donít accept the standards of the moralist into that "despicable" group called "They" or "Them", whose soul purpose for existence is to make "Us" miserable. Consequently, "We" must for high moral reasons control, correct, subdue, transform or eliminate "Them".
When morality is imposed upon others to justify the imposition of suffering, it inevitably leads to a proliferation of the very conduct it supposedly seeks to eradicate, by polarizing the choices available to be made.
In other words, as the moralists keep preaching and imposing their standards on others, through laws, manipulation or guilt-tripping, they inevitably constellate our inner rebels, both on an individual and societal level and we begin to embrace just the opposite behavior they desire to see.
So, based on that, I think tantraís in pretty good shape and soon will be getting more and more popular and socially accepted. Just hang in there, if you feel like you are being attacked or in the minority regarding your tantric desires, as sooner or later things will probably turn around.
What to Say to Others About Your Tantric Practice
Balance honesty and caution. Evaluate your personal situation and ascertain where and when it may be appropriate to speak about your tantric practices. If you might get fired if your boss knows, or your Mother-in-law will hassle you for months, you may want to keep that part of your life to yourself.
With all others if you can, be honest about how tantra affects your life, what it means to you personally and what it does for your relationship. Avoid preaching. Show by example. If you find that you are so enthusiastic that you unconsciously climb up on the pulpit, back off and allow others the joy of self-discovery.
If you decide to practice tantra professionally, hang up your shingle with pride. Network with friends. Create a web site and develop your seminars, classes and programs. Synergize with other teachers in tantra. Tantra is an expanding field and needs all the teachers it can get.
Get Loved Ones Involved in Tantric Practice
My sister and I are on opposite sides of the tantric fence, so to speak. Most of my friends and relatives from conservative Pennsylvania look at my tantric lifestyle with amazement, some with awe, many with scorn. How do I get my loved ones involved in tantra? How can you?
Hopefully your friends and family are more open than mine. Perhaps a good way to get them involved is to give them a copy of this book. Show them a video. Let them see how your life has improved. Invite them to a class or a seminar. Give them a gift certificate.
Bottom line, my husband and I are both tantric and our lives are extremely blissful. I can only do me and my life and follow what suits me and mine. If you see our lives and like what you see, try tantra, you may like it. Otherwise, laze fare, laze passeí (live and let live).
This story demonstrates my Tantric Path:
Living A Tantric Life by Janet Kira Lessin
Ever since I met Sasha, my life has been tantric: full, complete, blissful, orgasmic. We connect on all chakra levels. We share a spiritual connection (crown chakra), meet one another intellectually and share a common vision (third-eye), exercise strong communication skills where we are open and honest with one another (throat), empower one another to do our best in life (belly), have an incredible sexual connection (genital) and live, work together and share a home and resources (base chakra).
Am I saying that we have no problems? That every day is easy, pleasant and simple? No, not at all. There may be upsets and disagreements, we may not always be happy. In fact, we sometimes get into arguments and I even yell! So how can I say that we live a tantric life?
What I mean by an tantric life is that we have at last found an inner peace. From this peace, we can experience all life. Sasha and I are devoted and committed to one another and to the process of relationship. From within that process, we experience the full range of emotions, spanning the entire spectrum.
Weíre family to one another; more than husband and wife; weíre a combination of husband, wife, mother, father, friend, lover, sister and brother. We have both married and adopted one another. We are committed to be there throughout life, heal each other; overcome wounds from our childhood and adult relations. And believe me, some of those wounds are deep.
We hold the space in the center for our beloved to return when one becomes destablized and experiences that temporary insanity that takes place when they are out of balance. If we both become destabilized at the same time, we ride the wave and remember the love, use all our tools that we have learned, and hold fast until the storm has passed.
When we canít "figure it out," we "finger it out" and make love (digital and otherwise) even when one or both of us may not "feel" like it. For the body remembers the love on a cellular level. When we put aside our stubborn egos and just hold one another for dear life, then the defenses and anger melt away; and once again weíre in love. Bottom line, our loveís what really matters.
We recognize that we are "home," that our souls have found one another after all these centuries. We stop and count our blessings; and from this space of appreciation, everything becomes a blessing.
Chores become a blessing. "I thank God/Goddess that I have a toilet to scrub. I thank you Universe that I have dishes to clean, for that means I have food to eat and beloved ones to feed".
In a tantric life, everything around you is a divine prayer. I love the birds, the sky, the water, the air, the plants, the ocean, my friends, my cats, my car. God is within everything, every molecule, every being, every thing.
This perspective lets you honor all the craftsmanship in the car that you drive. Look at the buildings and imagine how many things made by how many people from how many parts of this globe went into the construction of that one building. Then look around at your town.
Think of those who created the technology for the simple things around you; your toothbrush: the glass in your windows, the carpet beneath your feet. Youíll have a new-found appreciation for the knowledge and love that went into all the inventions, the progression of discoveries that led to each creation and the history of the civilization all around you.
My life is orgasmic; and as such, my beloved husband, my devoteeís dedicated to my happiness and well-being; and I to him.
According to our tantric practice, we connect intimately twice a day. In the morning Sasha and I may connect briefly, aligning chakras, looking into one anotherís eyes, exchanging breath, speaking loving words and sharing our innermost secret thoughts. Sasha may or may not be inserted in me. He does not ejaculate so he can conserve his energy during the day.
In the evening we connect fully, making sweet, passionate love. We fall asleep in one anotherís arms, full and complete.
As my beloved healer and devotee, Sasha Ďhonorsí me whenever I request, massaging my sacred sector as I cry out in orgasmic bliss. As I channel the divine Shakti energy, he rides my orgasmic waves. The veil of separation between us disappears. He feels what I feel. We become the cosmic ONE. We move the energy in our sacred circle: from my shrine, up the center of my body, through all my chakras, out my crown and down, into his base, through all his chakras out through his hands, out through his mouth, and once again back through me. We become a conduit of our combined kundalini energies: a complete circuit--man, woman and God.
I go higher with each wave, thinking each level is "the top," only to find I have not yet begun to crescent. My orgasms blend one into another. I enter a dimension of timelessness. Images of yesteryear dance before my eyes. Iím 20; Iím 5; Iím 35; Iím in uterus.
As the sensations increase, I move from my personal self to my historical self; as I remember lifetimes here on the Earth, in other dimensions and on far away planets. I lose my self-sense entirely; and become one with Mother Gaia and God/Goddess, the Universe. I move between masculine and feminine. I relive the stories of the ages and become the archetypes: Aphrodite, Athena, Zeus, Thor.
I peak; my amrita flows. Sasha smiles and chants, "Blessings, blessings," programming me with the positive affirmations I need to hear at this time. But wait, there is yet another level. I go higher. I recall the challenge once whispered in my ear, "How much pleasure can you take?" Part of me wants to stop; the other part wants to continue to push that threshold.
My whole body begins to pulsate. Iím in a full-body orgasm. Kreas (waves of electric pulses) rush up and down my spine in waves; my body snakes and pulsates with the rhythm. The chemicals rush to the extremities of my body: my toes, my fingers, my head. I moan, long, slow, ooooooooooooooooohhhhh.
My life is full. Complete. From this orgasmic state, I can go out and face the day. The stresses of life melt away in the arms of my beloved. I can handle it; I can go on.
Wounds of a lifetime of pain and abuse are being replaced with healing programs due to the patience and love of my husband. At last, in Sasha, Iíve found a partner who meets me on all chakra levels.
In previous relationships, we may have connected on one or two chakras. We may have loved each other (heart chakra) and lived together (base chakra); but we lacked a shared vision (third-eye chakra) and our communication could have used some improvement (throat chakra). In my last marriage, we did the material side of life together quite well (base chakra): buying a home, acquiring things, Yet we lacked a spiritual connection (crown chakra); and eventually everything else broke down.
The most common area that breaks down for most of us in long-term relationships is the sexuality. We build up internal resentments over time from our unresolved disagreements. Previous issues from programming we received from parents, culture, and relationships before we found one another sneak up on us and shut us down. We move apart; eventually we fall apart.
Many times we reach "the brick wall"; and communication breaks down completely. Our responses are now totally reactionary and continue to disintegrate. As the tide of resentments continue to swell, our thoughts move to other people and outside experiences. We try to recover that feeling of excitement, joy and bliss that once were there in the relationship long ago when our romance was new. Many times the thoughts become deeds, and then the sneaking, secrecy and lies begin.
Weíre all psychic and feel what the other tries to conceal. Even though we donít speak the lies, the betrayed party knows. The gap widens; the barrier to intimacy becomes complete.
Lovemaking goes from infrequently to never. Sometimes the underlying guilt manifests itself in impotence and other forms of sexual dysfunction. When weíve reached the end, our only hope is honesty.
Unfortunately, most of us do not have the tools to communicate deeply and honestly. The fears of what we donít want to create tend to backfire on us and create just that; and life becomes our worst nightmare. The truth comes out in hideous fashion. Or worst yet, lies continues and weíre subject to serving out sentences we imposed on one another. How long will your sentence last? How much can you endure?
All-Chakra living means communicating on all levels: mind, body and soul. Sasha and I can literally tell one another anything that we are thinking. If we have an attraction for another, we express it. Issues unexpressed have a way of becoming demonic and coming out in inappropriate ways.
If we have a desire, we work on ways to satisfy them; although perhaps not in the exact way as envisioned by the person, we move in the direction that feels comfortable for both of us. Decisions are unanimous and joint. If something doesnít work for one of us, it doesnít work for either of us. There are three entities in all our decision making: Janet, Sasha and the relationship, which we value and cherish above anything else.
For if we arenít working, nothing else in life seems to work. Everything else suffers: our joy, our jobs, our health, our life.
Yes, even our life. When life isnít lived authentically from truth and honesty, the stress from the emotional repression many times creates being ill-at-ease (dis-ease). Repressed resentments and anger often lead to cancer; heart-ache can lead to heart-attacks.
Many counselors try to keep couples together at all costs. Yet actually, sometimes the kindest decision is to part--even if there are children, economic considerations and a million other excuses to stay together.
Everyone deserves a full-chakra life. If you find your relationship lacking in one of these areas, do something about it. Become conscious and discover ways to expand your connection; find things in common and develop them in those areas for one another. There are many models for conflict resolution. Get outside help if necessary. Find something that works for you. Go to seminars, therapy, church counselors, whatever it takes. If the love is strong, do it--for the love is worth it.
Finally, if you have discovered that you have completed your developmental tasks together and there are no new goals that you share--that youíve reached a point where the lies are too big to overcome--where you find the resentments too deep to heal and the hurts outweigh the amount of love that you have, then set each other free. That may be the highest expression of love.
Allow yourselves a fresh start, love again, correct the wrongs youíve done and stop punishing yourselves. You deserve a full life, an all-chakra life. You have the ability create it!
Itís never too late even though you may think it is. When Sasha and I found each other it was after two long-term, failed marriages for each of us. I was well over 40 and he over 50 when we united and embarked on our life of bliss. It wasnít easy for either of us. Our journey was a long road of working on ourselves, doing our family-of-origin work, healing our internal wounds from previous relationships and becoming conscious through therapy, seminars, reading and self-education. And it ainít over yet!
Relationships are a process; and Sasha and I are conscious enough to recognize that and commit to it. We are devoted to one another and have pledged to be there to continue our healing. If things get to be "over our heads," we, the "professional relationship counselors," will swallow our pride and seek help outside ourselves to gain clarity. All of us are capable of not being able to see the forest for the trees. Itís difficult when weíre "in" it; so sometimes we need help to step outside ourselves to focus.
Reunite Our Souls In Ancient Ways
We now have new models of relating with open, honest, clear and authentic communication. Living an orgasmic life is not only possible for all; itís our birthright. Therapy and counseling are todayís tools for healing relationships and personal wounds--just like medicine has been used to heal diseases and physical wounds.
Tantra reunites our souls in ancient ways, combining sexuality and spirituality. We return now to our source, forging beyond the veil of forgetfulness, moving past our skin encapsulated bodies, completing our divine union, remembering the LOVE which is all there really is.