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Monogamish Couples Share Their Stories

Monogamish Couples Share Their Stories By Dan Savage • January 6, 2012

From : http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/articles/42014/savage-love-monogamish-couples-share-their-stories/

Why do most people assume that all nonmonogamous relationships are destined to fail? Because we only hear about the ones that do. If a three-way or an affair was a factor in a divorce or breakup, we hear all about it. But we rarely hear from happy couples who aren’t monogamous, because they don’t want to be perceived as dangerous sex maniacs who are destined to divorce.

This state of affairs—couples who experimented with nonmonogamy and wound up divorced won’t shut up; couples who experimented with nonmonogamy and are still together won’t speak up—allows smug and insecure monogamists to run around insisting that there’s no such thing as happy, stable monogamish couples.

“You know lots of couples who have had three-ways and flings who aren’t divorced,” I told the skeptics a few weeks ago, “you just don’t know you know them.” In an effort to introduce the skeptics to some happily monogamish couples, I invited coupled people who’d had successful flings, affairs, three-ways, and swinging experiences to write in and share their stories. The response was overwhelming—I may write a book—and I’m turning over the rest of this week’s column to their stories. —Dan

My husband and I have issues like any couple, but I still smile when I see him walk into a room, and he still takes my hand when we’re walking down the street. For the past seven years, we have been “monogamish.” It started off with a discussion of “If you ever cheat on me and it’s a one-time thing, I wouldn’t want to know.” Then, when he turned 40, we had a threesome with a female friend. When I actually saw him “in the moment,” I didn’t have the jealous feelings I had always feared. There is no question that our relationship is our first priority, but just the possibility of a little strange now and then makes him feel like a stud. (And I reap the benefits!) I don’t much care for sex without emotion and affection, so my flings have been rather limited. We haven’t told our families or more than a couple of friends. I don’t want to deal with the judgment of others.

For the first five years of my marriage, everything was great: lots of sex, both GGG, lots of love. Then my wife’s libido failed. Whatever the problem was, she couldn’t articulate it. After a year where we’d had sex twice, I reached out to someone else. I used Craigslist and I was honest: I explained that I had no intention of leaving my wife and that I was looking for someone in a situation similar to mine. It took months to find the right person. We struck up a years-long affair. At the same time, I had a wonderful-yet-sexless marriage. Then, after nearly four years, a strange thing happened: My wife’s libido came back strong. To this day, she cannot explain why it left or why it came back. With the reason for my affair gone, I ended things with my fuck buddy. And you know what? Years of honest talk made this easy. She understood; we went our separate ways.

So I had a four-year affair without getting caught. Here’s how I pulled it off: I never told anyone about it ever, I chose a partner who wanted exactly what I wanted, we didn’t film ourselves (as hot as that sounded), we used condoms, I kept my computer clear of any evidence, and we never called or texted each other.

My husband and I are monogamish but also LMGs—legally married gays. We feel tremendous pressure to be perfect. The thing is, we are perfect. We love each other, we support each other, and we have amazing sex with each other—and the occasional cameo performer, who is always treated with respect. (We have a rule about not inviting someone into our bedroom who we wouldn’t be friends with outside the bedroom.) That said, the fact that Ron and Nancy down the street are swingers will raise eyebrows, but it won’t impact the perceived legitimacy of mixed-gender marriage. But if Ed and Ted happen to invite a third into their bedroom, that would prove the gays are destroying marriage/the country/the fabric of the universe. Even other gays get judgmental. So, at least for now, our monogamishness is on a strictly need-to-know basis. And who needs to know? Just our sex-positive doctor and the occasional hot third who gets a golden ticket into our bedroom.

I agree with you that we rarely hear about successful marriages that are open. How do I know? I just discovered that my parents are swingers—and they have been married for 26 years!

My husband, almost exactly 10 years older than me, confessed a cuckold fetish to me shortly before our fifth anniversary. I said no, but a seed was planted: Whenever I would develop a crush on another man, it would occur to me that I could sleep with him if I wanted to. Five years later, my boyfriend of two years, who happens to be exactly 10 years younger than me, was one of the guests at our 10-year anniversary party. My boyfriend is a good-looking grad student who adores me and values my husband’s advice about his education and career plans. He treats my husband with the perfect blend of affection and contempt. (“Gratitude and attitude,” my boyfriend calls it.) I enjoy my boyfriend, but I love my husband more than ever. My husband is not allowed to have sex with other women (he doesn’t want to, anyway), and he’s not allowed to have sex with me without my boyfriend’s permission (which he usually—though not always—gets). Our families would be appalled. We simply don’t live in a part of the country, or move in social circles, where we could be honest about any of this with anyone.

From the outside, my husband and I look like a boring, vanilla, married couple. In fact, people have included me in judgmental conversations about open relationships. But the truth is, for nearly as long as we’ve been together (three-plus years), we’ve had a semiopen relationship. My husband is bi. When he told me after a few months of dating, years of Savage Love reading helped me to keep an open mind. Long story short: We worked out rules that were mutually agreeable. Now he can hook up safely with guys and come home to a loving wife with whom he can be completely honest.

I’m a happily married woman…and so is my girlfriend. Maybe it’s cowardly of us, but no matter how simple our relationship seems to us, the people we care about would not understand. Yes, we do this with our husbands’ blessing. (We even double-date from time to time!) No, there’s nothing lacking in our marriages. Our parents, relatives, children, friends, and coworkers know we’re close. But I don’t see the need to tell anyone the entire truth. I was on the fence about sending this email—that’s how little fuss we make about it. Then I thought, if I do send it, and if enough people send their stories, maybe one day we can go public and it won’t be a big fucking deal. That’d be awesome.

Send your Savage Love questions to mail@savagelove.net.

SEXUAL LOVE IS NOT UNCONDITIONAL by Janet Kira Lessin

SEXUAL LOVE IS NOT UNCONDITIONAL by Janet Kira Lessin

It’s very hard to make love with someone and not fall in love. Relationships can also be conditional love, so loving someone’s not purely dependent on sex being a part of the equation. Loving unconditionally is the key, whether or not someone is involved with you in any way, shape or form, sexually or not.

Proximity enhances bonds. Distance can create distance. Love and involvement are two different things.

Test is, can you unconditionally love those with whom you are no longer involved?

When you reach that state of grace, you have arrived. A smile springs up on your face, the great light bulb of the eternal “ah-hah” lights up above your head and you grok it. Samadhi. Peace.

Death often is the first teacher where one learns how to love unconditionally. From there it’s often an easy step to learn unconditional love with those who cannot be with you or consciously chose to no longer be physically connected (sexually or in relationships) with you.

No matter what happens, you can chose to return to love. Always return to love. It is a choice. Life constantly delivers lesson on love. Embrace them. Love is your teacher.

A beloved died a couple weeks ago. Being polyamorous, I can acknowledge love freely with my husband and it is expected, in many ways, that the love we once felt with beloveds, even though they are no longer with us, continues. We don’t have to say silly things about past lovers like, “I loved them so much,” as if loving them now, while involved with our current partner, is some kind of sin. We openly acknowledge, embrace and accept love, celebrate it, whenever and with whomever love was and is shared.

This partner moved away, physically left us over 10 years ago. He was part of a couple. We didn’t communicate much over those years. But on his death bed, he proclaimed his love for us. And his wife made sure we knew how much we were loved by him. What a gift.

I appreciate how mindful and respectful we all were of one another’s feelings over the years. It was not appropriate nor convenient for our relationship to continue with the same depth and intensity it once had when they made the decision to move away. But the love we felt continued. Neither time nor distance made it fade. That’s perhaps the test of true love. For true love is truly unconditional. And I have been blessed to receive and give unconditional love in this lifetime.

Sexuality faded away for us. While it was pleasant till it ended, it wasn’t the end of love when sex was no longer in the equation.

So while it’s difficult not to fall in love while making love, once love happens it’s very difficult for love to stop. And what a gift that is.

http://www.worldpolyamory.com/
www.worldpolyamory.com

All Wars Will End When We End War Between The Genders by Dieter Duhm

War Between The SexesALL WARS WILL END WHEN WE END WAR BETWEEN THE GENDERS by Dieter Duhm

An essential part of the coming elevation of consciousness is the new role of the woman in human society. Neural changes will reveal collective patterns in female thinking and action which were present in highly developed archaic societies and which today return on a new level. It concerns a reconnection with the female source and female authority. To make the woman governable and compliant for patriarchy, her connection to the source had to be severed, her ancient sanctuaries destroyed, her natural relation to all co- creatures severed and her sexual wild nature domesticated.

The sexual potency of a man could only unfold towards suppressed women. These structures still exist and resist all attempts at reform as long as their core is not recognised. They are a part of the collective trauma. It is in the nature of the present transformation that more and more women recognise these connections and no longer react with hatred and revenge.

We see that within a few years a new women’s field will extend over the Earth, in which women rediscover their entelechial role in creation and with gentle force break open their hardened structures to create new fields of power for love and for solidarity with all that lives. Men will experience the miracle of female acceptance and take off their macho costumes. They will no longer go to war.

Maybe this is the deepest point that we can foresee: ALL WAR WILL BE ENDED BY ENDING THE HISTORICAL WAR BETWEEN THE GENDERS. We will experience these things in the first half of the twenty-first century.

CONCLUSION

All these processes together lead to a basic paradigm shift in our thinking and actions. Science, religion, art and Eros, urban development, technology and ecology will look fundamentally different at the end of the twenty-first century than what they are at its beginning. The whole process brings light to bodily existence and the material world, which had become too dense.

Now it is becoming more permeable, more transparent and more subtle. This is true for all matter, also for the human body. An ancient wisdom is revealing itself: the material world is not only ruled by physical energies but also by energies of the geist and soul, and can therefore be changed through geist. Humankind will become able to quickly and easily change material structures by the power of thought. A new movement for research and limitless discoveries is beginning, comparable with contemporary computer development.

Bodies are no longer heavy because of the old trauma. Love has become a universal power. Its frequencies heal old wounds. The collective “no” to the impulses of life, originating from the long historic war will be replaced by a collective “yes”. The collective amnesia will be dissolved by a collective process of remembering. Humankind will return to its common source on a higher level: to the deep connection with all that lives. Towards the one. As God acts in the connection of all beings.

The date 2012 also stands for the unification of powers of consciousness which so far could not find connection. As part of this trend towards unity, cosmic powers will connect with Earthly powers, powers of the geist with powers of the body, Marian powers with sexual powers, Christ powers with political powers, scientific powers with mythological powers, technical powers with powers of the art.

From such new connections, those structures so far named “dissipative structures” by science will arise: new previously unknown compositions and syntheses. A new planetary community will develop from the synergy of the streams, consisting of many different elements of the Earth’s inhabitants. The movement is already taking place. It consists of a connection between Eastern mysticism and Western science, Hopis and Europeans, shamans and modern hi-tech specialists, and between musicians in Sao Paolo, Lisbon, Jerusalem and Tamera.

Very soon, places will develop on Earth where the models for a new planetary culture will arise from such connections. The information of such models will be spread over the Earth and lead to the establishment of many new centres. We see a shining network of such establishments across the Earth already by 2020, in which the foundations will definitely be laid for a new world without fear or war.

Let us work together for a new vision of the post-apocalyptic time. A new Earth is actually in preparation. We thank you in the name of all fellow beings for your collaboration.

For more information, please contact:
Institute for Global Peacework (IGP) Tamera, Monte do Cerro P-7630-303 Colos Portugal

Ph: +351 283 635 484 Fax: +351 283 635 374 eMail: info@dieter-duhm.de
http://www.dieter-duhm.de

Related video:’Beyond 2012′ by Dieter Duhm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSGEKtbpywA

SEX, LIES AND ALTERNATIVE RELATIONSHIPS Part I: The Homecoming by Janet Kira Lessin

SEX, LIES AND ALTERNATIVE RELATIONSHIPS Part I: The Homecoming by Janet Kira Lessin

“Everybody Lies” so proclaims House, the doctor on the Emmy award-winning series. But is that the truth? And when is it appropriate to lie? Is it ok to lie to protect someone else? Better to always tell the truth, be transparent, authentic, truthful? Should you tell the cop you have that joint hidden under the seat?

The most complicated lies to stem around relationships. How you start the relationship sets criteria for truth between partners. What do you share about your relationship style? Do you candidly explore monogamy, polyamory, swinging or other? How do we identify yourselves sexually? Do you share the degree to which you’re gay, lesbian, heterosexual or bi? Do you reveal there’s four of you and one of each?

If you chose monogamy, when are you cheating? Do you cheat when you flirt with someone? What about a kiss? Is it okay to kiss someone on the cheek but not on the mouth? Or is the mouth ok as long as there’s no tongue involved.

What about touch? Is it ok to touch a shoulder and not a breast? What’s your policy on hand holding? Is it cheating if you watch porn on the internet? And what emails you exchange? You haven’t ever met, you’ve never touched and you live so far away you probably never will ever will. Do you cheat if you have a fantasy? And what happens if you fall for your fantasy?

And what about the lifestyles? Do you require emotional fidelity but swing when you go to a club?

“It’s complicated” has become an option on dating site applications when one is attempting to explain the complexity of their relationship.

Honestly, honesty can be hard. Case in point. I’ve been openly polyamorous for the past 18 years. Recently, Shivaya, my second husband returned home to Maui after he toured the mainland for several years. My first husband, Sasha, and I were so excited about Shivaya’s return. He took several days by car, train then plane to go from the East Coast home to us. We shared dozens of calls tracking his trip across America.

Our first week with Shivaya was ok. But something had changed. I introduced him to Jill, my best female friend who’d just moved in with us. I was relieved they clicked. Now we were a quad. But I felt hurt when they contracted and disappeared emotionally. We could no longer communicate consciously or clearly. I noticed a tendency for all parties to demonize and reject just because things didn’t connect. Tempers flared, sometimes roared, but quickly dispelled. We bolted away from one another into our respective corners to lick our wounds.

Despite the training and the workshops, my skills failed me. After three short weeks Jill and Shivaya decided to leave our community. Jill and Shivaya, my best friend and second husband moved across the island. And as they left, I felt relieved, glad it was over and that now I am free to find another way along the path through the journey of life.

I was surprised how Sasha felt free too. It was as though we were complete with this relationship that was our longest running experiment in polyamory to date.

I guess eight years is a good showing. Respectful. We gave it our best shot.

But I wonder how we could have done it better? How could we tell our personal truths and remain calm and centered? We tried the talking stick, timed it so none could monopolize the conversation. It’s hard to believe how long three minutes can be. So we shortened it, send the stick round the circle so all could have a minimum of three turns talking. The rest listened. Witnessing another’s personal truth is half the battle.

But even that doesn’t work when there’s no agreement in the first place to learn and incorporate conflict resolution skills up front, before you go into the rink. We have to learn “the rules” to really learn how to relate. And the more characters you incorporate into the play, the more complex it seems to be.

I sometimes understand why Swingers swing and decide to have no emotional intimacy with others outside their primary relationships. I prefer emotional as well as sexual intimacy with poly partners. Yet sometimes it’s sticky. The more intimate one gets, the more muck emerges from the mire.

But the muck’s somehow necessary. It’s food for the grissmill, that which allows us to learn, grow and evolve. As long as I live, exist here in this physical reality in this grand experiment on Spaceship Earth, there are things I must face, endure, learn, embrace, reject, repair, reprogram, modify, move beyond, incorporate into my being and hopefully, eventually, because of this process, become conscious, maybe even enlightened.

End of SEX, LIES AND ALTERNATIVE RELATIONSHIPS: Part I: The Homecoming         by Janet Kira Lessin

Earth Needs Enlightened Leadership by Sasha Lessin, Ph. D. & Janet Kira Lessin

Eye of Enlightenment
EARTH NEEDS ENLIGHTENED LEADERSHIP

by Janet Kira Lessin & Sasha Lessin, Ph. D.

It’s time for childhood’s end. Our current society’s cruel, hard, evil and disrespects consciousness. We live in the matrix, a slave-world, the “prison planet” and it’s time we wake up, realize we’re living in a nightmare and make our request to the divine, universal consciousness and the forces of love and light to set us free from this paradigm of pain.

Disease, including dying of old age, can be eliminated, now and not in some far distant time in the future. The technology’s already in place. Free energy systems already exist. Technologies exist to balance inequalities and eliminate hierarchy (which sucks). But we don’t need science, religion or magic. We have the ability within ourselves to wake up and change our DNA so we remember love and how to be truly loving to all life.

We are being lied to. The dark forces of evil which feed on fear, control, power, dominance and it’s ultimate control mechanism, war, keep humanity enslaved in the matrix by keeping us in the dark. The truth will set us free, all of us. Truth will overturn the Illuminati’s evil empire. They feed from fear, so they tighten control over us, create more violence, promote violent imagery over their media which they control, fearful of losing power. Yet it’s too late. Too many have become aware. Their time is over.

We who awaken are bigger than the polarity game of good and evil. We can gently guide all lost souls, even the Illuminate and her minions and literally love them into the light. For they too are of the light. We all come from God/Goddess/Source/Universal Consciousness We humans who are waking up are so powerful that if we become the guiding light we truly are, everyone who comes near us will be awakened just being in our presence. DNA, once activated, cascades in an array, opens up a sequence which propels us to our next, highest level of existence. Here we are conscious and aware of our long repressed abilities and also have the wisdom to use them with love.

Go within. Find yourself. Rediscover who you really are. Remember light and love. Remember Source, Creation. Wake up. Return and remember your multi-dimensional selves. Reach out. Awaken another. Remember together. Together awaken another, and so on and so forth, like one candle lighting another, until all are awake.

Kira

My husband, Sasha, wrote the following:
Earth needs enlightened leadership

I hope widespread knowledge of human origins as grafted genetic
experiments of hierarchy-obsessed, violent, greedy, desperately gold-
seeking people from Nibiru who had their slaves (us) worship them as
gods will reduce our propensity to kill each other with god on our
side.

Maslow pointed out long ago that any enlightened person or group of
folks, if they, she or he had authority, could bring peace to all, to simultaneously
implement directives such as

“Respect, support and encourage all life and all consciousnesses,

allow longevity and immortality inherent in our activated genome,

cease hitting and give holding and honoring to kids,

allow sexual freedom for all, contraception info,

empower women’s right to say ‘no’,

destroy killing devices,

stop ‘polluting,

re-terriform Earth,”
etc.

Problem is enlightened folk seldom (exceptions: Mandala, Havel) play
the cock-on-the- dungheap politics to gain authority.

Those Carl Rogers trained know how to get people who choose to care
for each other as people, then they can always win-win compromise
issues–like they did for the Camp David Accords.

Sasha Lessin, Ph.D. sashalessin@ aol.com

The River of Love by Janet Kira Lessin

Ainaki by Francene Hart
THE RIVER OF LOVE by Janet Kira Lessin

Last night I dreamed that humanity was able to transform themselves from a warlike species to a species of love and light by meditating on water. I learned the process from this dream, so I’ll share it with you. It’s quite simple.

We start this evolutionary process on the personal level by focusing thoughts of peace and love towards every drink we drink. Love transforms the fluid whether it’s pure water or processed or artificially created drinks. By setting our intentions on all fluids consumed, we begin a chain of events that radiates out and effects all of creation. Since all fluids contain water we can effectively change all by our pure and loving intentions.

Water consumed runs through each individuals’ newly created river of love and out through their body fluids, like urine and tears, back into the Earth’s water systems through evaporation or by direct deposit into toilets that filter back to our waterways.

To ritualize the process, you may want to hike in nature and find places where you can freely urinate and give back love-influenced waters to plants and trees. It doesn’t matter where you make your deposits because waters flushed down toilets and septic systems or let go in nature, all eventually return to the air through evaporation or into other water systems down the line.

Next level is to meditate on bodies of water. Focus on the water tank in your neighborhood, or the next stream, pond, lake or ocean you encounter. Take the time to send peace, light and love out from yourself into the water. Focus on the clouds, also harbingers of water. See love spreading out all over the globe through winds and currents. Imagine love being consumed through water ingested by our brothers and sisters in far away lands. See the love that radiates out from you as the pebble in the water that eventually reaches every shore. Like seeds picked up by birds, coconuts swept along by currents, love gradually, gently envelopes every living being and transforms them without them even knowing how.

The air we breathe today is the same air that was inhaled by our ancestors. In breath, out breath, in God, out God. The cycle of air, water, love and life goes round and round, affects everyone everywhere.

Donovan wrote:

Happiness runs in a circular motion.

Thought is but a little boat upon the sea.

Everything’s part of everything anyhow.

You can be content if you let yourself be.

All-Chakra Tantra by Sasha Lessin, Ph. D. & Janet Kira Lessin

Couple - Brown - Standing

 

 

Tantra means weaving. Tantra means weaving all the levels of your awareness, called chakras, within you and between you and those you love. Think of chakras with your body parts––––the bottom of your torso, genitals, belly, heart, throat, brain and neocortex, parts of you aware of your security, sexuality, power, love, talk, clarity and spiritual connection. In tantra, you activate your chakras and merge energy from them with your lovers”. You and your lover together join the ocean of consciousness. 

Your first chakra relates to your perineum, your needs to belong, feel safe, secure and healthy, grounded in your material and emotional existence. The tantric weaving of your base chakra and your lover’s means you help your love feel secure emotionally and financially. You encourage wellness as you eat, exercise and stretch together. Massage and touch each other all over. 

The second chakra relates to your sexuality and reproductive organs, your needs to feel sexual and sensual. In healing sessions involving this chakra, you release emotions and reprogram put-down attitudes. Women respond to vaginal strokes and ejaculate copious, alkaline fluid, amrita. Men learn how to pull up energy instead of ejaculating, to last longer in lovemaking and to orgasm in new ways. 

For your third chakra, related to your belly, All-Chakra Tantra teaches you to take what’s yours, assert yourself appropriately. Empower each other. You explore power chakra dynamics with your lover- -how you bond (sometimes sweetly, sometimes sourly) into parental- child roles. Ram meditations help you return to sweet and centered interaction. 

The meditations of the forth chakra, associate with your heart, guide you to love, cherish, support, heal and encourage yourself and your lover. You communicate feelings, cultivate sweetness, romance each other. You develop dyadic consciousness, where you identify at the same time with your beloved’s consciousness and your own as parts of a greater awareness, a two-person awareness greater than the sum of your separate identities. 

Fifth chakra throat: expression. Hear each of your inner voices (subselves) tell you what they want and need. They say how they aid you, your beloved and humanity. Choose what, when and how to express (or not express) your inner voices to other people. Honor your beloved’s many voices too. Speak authentically, kindly and effectively to each other. In one throat-chakra exercise, you sanctify sex––––speak romantically of sacred sexual organs and acts. 

Chakra 6, Brain: vision, intuition, intellect: Receive, share and expand visions for yourselves, each other, others you love, your community and world. As beloveds, you intuit each others thoughts and feelings, as well as those of your children, parents, friends and others. Access the messages of dream, past life, fantasy, archetype and hero-tale. 

For the final charka, your crown, the tantric meditations we like invoke awareness of your unity with everyone and everything. Tantra helps you rise to broader perspectives of your crown chakra, yet stay aware of the wisdom of chakras 1-6. Encompass more than Thinker, Pleaser or other subselves. Expand your awareness to more than your body. Expand your perspective to even more than awareness of you and your darling, more than the awareness you share with each other and with humans, with life itself, or even with the Earth. Feel your oneness with everyone and everything everywhere at all-times. Experience unity, the seamless web of consciousness linking the manifest universe. Merge with the latent–unforrned but constantly arising-––––reality of the metacosmic void. Identify with divine play that can manifest all forms. 

All-Chakra Tantra Ritual For Two by Sasha Lessin, Ph. D. Part I – LAM


Tantra Couple

Tantra activates all your chakras. The chakras, summarized in the chart below, are energy centers–each with a syllable to chant–associated with your perineum, genitals, belly, heart, throat, forehead and crown. You pour energy from your chakras into a coherent river of light that spouts up your spine and meets your beloved’s light. You connect in the stream of consciousness that sweeps you both to the ocean of life.

Chakra Task Chant
Perineum Enhance your health, create safety for yourself and your beloved.  Cherish your Inner Child.  Contribute to everyone’s well-being and regenerate the planet Lam
Genitals Delight yourselves and each other sexually.  Create kids consciously.  Elevate sensuality to alleviate violence. Vam
Belly Empower your center, each of your inner voices, your lovers and humanity. Ram
Heart Love yourself, your lover and all beings. Yam
Throat Tell your truth kindly and listen with love to your selves, your sweetheart and the world. Ham
Brain Think, intuit and envision for yourself, your beloved and your community. Ooo
Crown Flow energy between your crown and your beloved’s.  Transcend your separate, individual self-senses and merge with each other, humanity, Earth and cosmos. Mmm


     Get a feel for these chakras so you can directly recognize, cherish, coordinate and integrate the chakras and consciously apply what they energize-–security, sex, power, love, talk, understanding and unity–-to enlighten yourself, your lover and the world.

Activate your chakras and facilitate the process of intrapersonal and interpersonal synergy with the ritual to follow.  You chant the Chakra Chant (Bija Mantra), an ancient Sanskrit meditation, loud and strong. You tone seven one-syllable words–lam, vam, ram, yam, ham, ooo and mmm; each activates a different chakra. Lam pumps your perineum; vam invigorates your genitals. Ram empowers your belly, yam heals your heart, ham frees your voice. Your “third eye”–forehead to occiput–vibrates with ooo, and you think and intuit at the same time. When you chant mmm, your crown opens and you unite with all you behold.

Do the ritual with a partner, if you can. If you lack a partner, do the rite before a mirror. The entire ritual takes two hours.Security Chakra (Lam): Perk Your Perineum

Sit or stand erect. Touch your perineum. Chant lam three times. After each lam you chant, squeeze your anal sphincter and see a red rose open there. In the center of the last rose you open, picture yourself healthy, serene and safe.

Face your partner or reflection. Touch your own palms together, thumbs on chest. Gaze into your partner’s or image’s eyes, bow and say, “Namaste. I honor the divine in you.” Chant lam three more times.

If you’re a woman in a man-woman pair, enact the Great Mother. If you’re in a same sex pair, one of you stand to enact the Mother. Stand before the seated partner, your devotee. Your legs are trees; your feet, roots; arms and fingers, branches and twigs. Channel Ninharsag, co-creator and lover of humanity. As this Goddess, love and accept your devotee.

Kneel next to your devotee; sandwich her or his heart in your hands. Send energy out your right hand and catch this energy and the ashes of negativity burned from her or him in your left; send what you catch into the earth to recycle.

Devotees, feel the goddess pulse nurturing energy through you, cleansing you of rancor toward particular women and women in general. Instead, appreciate the women in your life and all women. Love, accept and fully forgive your mother. Feel each hurt, anger, disappointment, separation, resentment and negative attitude toward women drain from you; muscles that held those negativities relax.

Now, Goddess, hold your devotee’s head against your belly. Devotee, become your Inner Child. Let the goddess love and nurture you. She channels the loving intentions of your birth mother, of your female lovers, of all women, of Ninhursag, of the Earth. In her arms you feel safe, secure, healthy. 
You can cry, sigh, feel high.

Goddess, whisper three times to your devotee, ” You belong.” “I’m always here for you.” “You’re safe.” 
“You’re healthy.”

Devotee, if there’s any other reprogramming reminders–sentences that enhance your sense of 
belonging and physical well-being–you’d like her to say, tell her; she’ll say them.

Stand, Goddess; help the devotee stand before you. Devotee, open your eyes into your partner’s. Reverse goddess-devotee roles.

Portray Your Perineum. Identify with your security chakra; pretend you’re it. Say what you’re like as the voice of safety, security and health. Tell what you want, why you want that and what you’d do if you ruled your person all the time. Relate how you’d run her or his lovelife, if you were in charge. If you ruled the whole world, how would you manage the survival and well-being of humanity and the planet? Say how you help your person and what you want her or him to appreciate you for. Discuss how your Inner Child and Inner Protectors–the voices most concerned with physical well-being and feeling safe–affect you.

Next – VAM – Sexual Chakra

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